Ignite Me (Shatter Me, #3)

by Tahereh Mafi

“I am going to kill your father,” I say to him, “and I’m going to destroy The Reestablishment.” He’s still smiling. “I will.” “I know,” he says. “Then why are you laughing at me?” “I’m not,” he says softly. “I’m only wondering,” he says, “if you would like my help.”

Aaron Warner Anderson, chief commander and regent of Sector 45, son of the supreme commander of The Reestablishment. He has a soft spot for fashion.

“You deserve so much more than charity,” he says, his chest heaving. “You deserve to live. You deserve to be alive.” He’s staring at me, unblinking. “Come back to life, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Don’t worry.” He smiles. “I cut some holes in it for you.” “You’re so thoughtful,” I snap.

Warner scratches the back of his head. “Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill.”

Warner’s face clears. His eyes crinkle in amusement as he smiles. “I don’t want your friends on my team,” he says. “I don’t like them.”

“I’m—right, I’m so confused,” Brendan says, blinking. “Right then—what just happened? Was he smiling at you? Genuinely smiling at you?” “Looked to me like he was in love with you,” Winston says, frowning. “But that’s probably just because my head is messed up, right?”

“This is, by far, the craziest shit I have ever seen,” Kenji says. “I really never would’ve believed it. Not in a million years.” “It’s like a soap opera.” Ian nods. “But with worse acting.”

“He was upset,” I whisper, “because I didn’t agree that you were crazy. And he was accusing me”—I hesitate—“of being in love with you.” Warner exhales sharply. Touches a hand to the doorframe. My heart is pounding so hard. Warner’s eyes are glued to the wall. “And you told him he was an idiot.” Breathe. “No.” Warner turns, just halfway. I see his profile, the unsteady rise and fall of his chest. He’s staring directly at the door now, and it’s clear it’s costing him a great deal of effort to speak. “Then you told him he was crazy. You told him he had to be out of his mind to say something like that.” “No.” “No,” he echoes.

Warner. A white bird with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. A fair-skinned boy with gold hair, the leader of Sector 45. It was always him. All along. The link.

“You two get into a fight or something?” “No,” I say too quickly. “Uh-huh.” Kenji cocks his head at me.

He laughs. “So how’s the new boyfriend?” My smiles fall away. “He’s not my boyfriend.” “Are you sure about that? Because I’m pretty sure Romeo wouldn’t have let us come live with him if he weren’t a little bit madly in love with you.”

“How about I call your new boyfriend King Stick-Up-His-Ass?” “He’s not my boyfriend, Kenny.”

“Sorry,” I say quickly, looking around. “I didn’t mean to toss it like that—” “Goddamn,” Ian says. “That is so cool.” “Do it again,” Winston says, eyes bright. “I’d really rather she didn’t destroy all of my property,” Warner cuts in.

“What you don’t understand,” I tell him, my voice catching, “is that I don’t even know my own heart anymore. I don’t know how to name what I feel yet and I need time to figure it out. You want more right now but right now what I need is for you to be my friend—” Warner flinches. “I do not have friends,” he says. “Why can’t you try?” He shakes his head. “Why? Why not give it a chance—” “Because I am afraid,” he finally says, voice shaking, “that your friendship would be the end of me.”

Which means right now, I’m watching him bench-press three hundred and fifteen pounds. Three forty-five-pound plates on each side of what Kenji told me is called an Olympic bar, which weighs an additional forty-five pounds. I can’t stop staring. I don’t think I’ve ever been more attracted to him in all the time I’ve known him. Kenji pulls up next to me. Nods at Warner. “So this gets you going, huh?” I’m mortified. Kenji barks out a laugh. “I’ve never seen him in sweatpants before.” I try to sound normal. “I’ve never even seen him in shorts.” Kenji raises an eyebrow at me. “I bet you’ve seen him in less.” I want to die.

“Don’t feel bad,” he says quietly. “You’ll figure it out.” “Was it ever hard for you?” I look up, hopeful. “Figuring out how to control the energy?” “Oh,” he says, surprised. “No. Though I’ve always been very good at everything I do.” I drop my head again. Sigh. Warner laughs and I peek up. He’s smiling. “What?” “Nothing,” he whispers.

Maybe he’s in a secret jazz club where he sings a cappella and wears sparkly vests and thinks it’s cool to do the cancan.” “Warner wouldn’t wear sparkly vests,” I snap. “But you think he’d be down with the cancan.”

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you exactly as you are.”

“Why do you smell so good?” he asks, still smiling as he avoids my question. He leans in again, leaves light kisses along my jawline, under my chin. “It’s making me crazy.” “I’ve been stealing your soaps,” I tell him. He raises his eyebrows at me. “Sorry.” I feel myself blush. “Don’t feel bad,” he says, serious so suddenly. “You can have anything of mine you want. You can have all of it.”

I’m nodding, trying to thank him. But he’s still looking at me, searching my eyes like he’s found something he can’t bear to walk away from. His hands move to my face; his thumb brushes my cheek. His voice is so tender when he speaks. “You will go on to greatness,” he whispers. “I have never deserved you.” My heart. He leans in, kisses my forehead, so gently. And then he leaves.