The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #6)

by Matt Dinniman

“What is happening?” a woman asked. This was a snaggle-toothed, heavily-pierced goblin prostitute named Tuesday Two-For-One. She was furiously chewing gum.

We had a saying, my people. Never stare into the blinding eye of the Bedlam Bride. What it means is don’t become obsessed with something, lest you’re blinded to everything else. When it shows itself, it’s all you can see.

“Really, Carl,” Donut said, looking the Harley Davidson up and down with distaste. “I didn’t realize you’d actually get that thing to work. Are you planning on growing a mullet as well? Are there any Waffle Houses between here and there? Maybe we can stop and get into a brawl, but only after you bounce a few child support payment checks first.” “You know, most bikers were just normal people with normal lives. I never rode a motorcycle, and my dad was a dick, but that doesn’t mean all bikers are assholes. You shouldn’t stereotype people.” “I watched Sons of Anarchy, Carl.”

“You liked the goblin copper chopper. I don’t understand what the difference is.” “The copper chopper was a custom-made, handcrafted vehicle built especially for us by Rory and Lorelai, and it had a sidecar attachment with a personalized, tailor-made seat. This is a metallic penis extension that comes with a free probation officer and a traumatic brain injury.”