The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #6)
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Read between September 6 - September 20, 2025
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“The moral of the story is: I chose a half-measure when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again.” - Mike Ehrmantraut, Breaking Bad.
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It was always a bad idea to stay in the vicinity of a god. Always.
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I KNOW A VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY WHEN I SEE ONE.
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I can’t be held accountable for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper.
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Donut: CARL, I’M PRETTY SURE THIS IS REALLY RACIST.
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“Carl,” Donut said. “This is just like that nerdy Pokémon game you used to play. Or that one with the guy with the spiky hair that didn’t make any sense. What was it called? Yugoslavia or something?”
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“Oh, sweetie,” Donut said. “You think we care if you can kill our crops? Carl does that all on his own.” She looked up to me. “Do you remember the aloe vera plant incident? Miss Beatrice was most displeased with you. She was only gone for two days.”
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“Mongo,” Donut said matter-of-factly. “Eat the nun.”
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Oh god, did he lick your foot?
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“You were monologuing?” Donut asked quietly. “You know we don’t monologue, Katia.”
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“You’ve been hanging out with strippers. I can smell them on you!”
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I remembered Mordecai’s advice when it came to mages. They can’t cast their spells when you’re punching them in the face.
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There are certain instants and images throughout this horror that are burned indelibly in my mind.
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Remember, she who brings the body is she who gets paid.
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DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD VOLUNTARILY VISIT IOWA?
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“Hvar eru buxurnar þínar? Hvar eru skórnir þínir? Næst mun ég borða sæta hold þitt.”
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Funny, isn’t it? How things can be bred in a way that makes it so those holding the butcher knife are less likely to face their own revulsions. There’s no point to this. Just an observation. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Observing things. Noticing them. It’s all right there, if you look long enough.
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Have you ever heard a pig moan? It’s quite distressing.
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I hope there is music, in the end.
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EVEN IF IT’S AN ORGY, YOU GOTTA HAVE SOME SORT OF PROTEIN AVAILABLE.
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We are trapped, and we still have to do our jobs even though everything has gone to shit!”
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“Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín,”
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“I hath risen again, motherfuckers!”
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“Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín.”
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“Þjófar verða ètnir. Skilaðu þessu.”
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Don’t you understand? You’re more than just a person. If we lose you, we lose everything. You’re a symbol. You’re the embodiment of our hope. You and that fucking, annoying cat that everyone seems to like for some reason.
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many of my people are afraid of cats. Some think if you look into their eyes, they can steal your soul. I hope that’s true. I hope she lives up to her hype.”
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We are the Princess Posse, and the Princess Posse doesn’t leave anybody behind.”
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nuke us from orbit
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She’d switched back to her sailor cap. It used to look ridiculous on her, especially with her sunglasses, but it seemed more appropriate now somehow, in a way I couldn’t explain.
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I CAST WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON SATAN!
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“I’m with you, Donut. That’s all that matters.” She snuggled closer to me.