Last Chance to See

by Douglas Adams

You see, the young birds that we’ve hatched here don’t come to sexual maturity at the same time, so when the females start getting sexy, the males are not ready to handle it. The females are bigger and more belligerent and often beat the males up. So when that happens, we collect semen from Pink, and—” “How do you do that?” asked Mark. “In a hat.” “I thought you said in a hat.” “That’s right. Carl puts on this special hat, which is a bit like a rather strange bowler hat with a rubber brim, Pink goes mad with desire for Carl, flies down and fucks the hell out of his hat.” “What?” “He ejaculates into the brim. We collect the drop of semen and use it to inseminate a female.” “Strange way to treat your mother.” “He’s a strange bird. But he does serve a useful purpose in spite of being psychologically twisted.”