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May 20 - June 2, 2024
Remember that you have ADHD. Current us isn’t neurotypical. Future us isn’t neurotypical, either. While we can improve our skills and mitigate some of our impairments, this takes time, and progress isn’t always linear.
“I love using my riding lawnmower. I hate raking leaves. So after years of letting leaves sit on my lawn all winter, I figured out that by taking the bag off and running my mower over the thick fallen leaves, I can chop the leaves into mulch. Then, all I have to do is put the bag on and run the mower over the yard again. Done. The neighbors may think it’s weird to mow leaves, but as far as I’m concerned, this all-season pain-in-the-butt now takes one afternoon…and it’s fun!”
MANUAL MODE
was now in what I call manual mode: I had to think about each action, actively look for what I needed, figure out which category a menu item was in, and then scan the screen for what I was looking for. In other words, I had to rely on my executive function. These changes were disabling. Sometimes I went through the same folder three times before I could find the menu item I was looking for.
Now when I’m struggling to (executive) function, I check if any of the systems I rely on have been thrown into manual mode. And to remind myself that when a lot of my life is on manual mode, it’s not a good time to add more to my plate.
Sometimes, it feels as if it’s folding in on me, crushing me with the weight of all the things that need to be done now, tomorrow, last year, and five minutes ago.
time is not a shape-shifter, exactly, but a state-shifter.
As a kid, homework assignments that were supposed to take fifteen minutes often took an hour, which often felt like five. Middle School Me: This is so long and forever-taking! The Clock: Tick (infinite silence) Tock. Hyperfocus, on the other hand, was like a time Slip ’N Slide. I’d set out to spend half an hour on a school project only to look up and see it was already dark outside.
For years, I was able to neatly sidestep my time management issues by having a job that didn’t require it—waiting tables. Yes, time was critical, but everything that I needed to do had to happen now. Besides getting to work, I didn’t need to be anywhere at a specific time. I didn’t have to plan how long anything was going to take. I just had to complete my tasks, as quickly as possible, and in the right order: offer drinks, take the order, put it in the computer…
PubMed, and
Turns out, those with ADHD are at a serious disadvantage when it comes to time management, for reasons ranging from how we experience it to the fact that we forget things so often (see “How to Remember Stuff,” this page).
time blindness/nearsightedness (n.) Inability (or exceptional difficulty) recognizing how much time has passed and/or estimating how long something will take.
For many of us, projects, tasks, and events exist either “now” or “not now”—and anything “not now” can feel as if it doesn’t exist at all.
“Time flies when you’re having fun.” While this is true for everyone to some extent, those with ADHD experience a more extreme version of this.
running late before we even get started. Other factors we often forget to account for: Things going wrong: We often plan for the version of events where everything goes perfectly. Unfortunately, things don’t always go perfectly. Biological needs: As humans, we need to eat, drink water, move, use the restroom, and sleep. When predicting how long something will take us, we often don’t build in time for bathroom breaks or rest.
Transition time: If one activity ends at one p.m. and the next starts at the same time, you’re probably going to be late, even if it’s just a video meeting. Transitions take time—and our brains need time to switch between two things, too. Contingencies: Sometimes, we can’t do something before we’ve done something else first. For instance, it’s hard to wrap presents if they haven’t arrived yet—or if we don’t have wrapping paper. Our energy levels: A lot of time management is actually energy management. We might technically have the time for something but not the energy to actually do it.
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Mistakes: Mistakes are doubly problematic to forget to account for. We’re not just more likely to make them and possibly need to fix them. We’re also more likely to need extra time to double- (or triple-) check our work.
Working memory impairments make it more likely we’ll forget what we’re doing or have to run back for something we left behind.
Organizational challenges mean we’re more likely to misplace what we need, have trouble finding it, or struggle to put it back where it needs to be (if we even know where that is).
We often have trouble organizing our thoughts and our speech, too; as divergent thinkers, we might be wonderfully imaginative writers, but narrowing down what we want to say (which relies on convergent thinking) and wrestling the brain chaos into some sort of structure is hard.[*6]
Difficulty regulating our attention means there are vast differences in our productivity levels. Some days, we might end up in hyperfocus and get a lot done; other days, we’ll be distracted...
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Deficits in response inhibition make it more likely we’ll impulsively start—or have trouble stopping—a task we didn’t even intend to do.
am both fifteen and forty-four. Everything in the last thirty years happened in the last month. The future is all happening both tomorrow and at some point I don’t need to think about yet. I have no constructive way of coping with this.”
“For me, there are only three different time experiences: 1. Now vs. not now 2. Why is everything taking so long? 3. Wait? How is it X time already?”
BUILD UP YOUR “TIME WISDOM” Time wisdom is understanding how long things take (read: how long they take you under specific circumstances) and knowing what to do with that information.
When you plan, work backward. Start with what you want to accomplish (and by when), and go backward from there. What step needs to happen right before you do The Thing, and how long do you think it will take? What’s the step before that?[*8] When deadlines are so far in the future that they don’t feel “real,” this strategy can help us see how our efforts now affect an outcome later.
Track your time. Guess how long a task will take and then track how long you actually spend doing it. Those of us with ADHD tend to be time optimists, and we often discover that certain tasks tend to take twice or even three times longer than expected.
Notice where you’re “stealing” time. “Making up for lost time” is not a thing—it’s gone forever. The next time you’re trying to play catch-up, notice if you’re “stealing” time from another area of your life to do it. Then consider whether it’s worth taking time away from that area—or whether you want to make a new plan.
MAKE TIME REAL If you don’t have a sharp sense of time, it’s important to put systems in place that help you understand when it’s passing.
Get specific. If you decide to do something later, decide when later is and add it to your calendar.
Use “time pillars” to prop up your day. Time can quickly become meaningless if you don’t have anything to do or anywhere to be at a certain time.
Even if you don’t like planning out your day, a few recurring activities like lunchtime, winding down for bed, or even just a few alarms can give your day structure.
Create some “time buckets.” “Time buckets” are areas of your day, week, or month dedicated to certain types of activities, such as hobbies, admin stuff, or deep work.
3. COMMUNICATE ABOUT TIME While it’s not great to be late, what often upsets people most about tardiness is that their time has been wasted and you don’t care. As terrifying as it can be to admit you’re running behind or having trouble managing your time, communicating your difficulties with others can help them understand that it’s really not about them.
Ask for help prioritizing. If you realize there isn’t time to do to all the things, you don’t have to figure out what’s important and what’s not on your own.
Share your plan with others and get a reality check. If you share your plan with someone who doesn’t have challenges with time management, they might be able to recognize immediately—yeah, that’s not how time works.
Before committing to something, ask what it entails.
Ask for time-related accommodations, if needed. A lot of ADHD accommodations, such as more frequent check-ins, a later (or more flexible) start time, or extra time (or time away) on a test or a project are meant to accommodate, in part, our time nearsightedness. Use them.
“My wife knows to put everything in the shared calendar. If it’s not there, I don’t know about it, no matter how often she mentions it.”
Note on Extra Time When planning workflows, ADHDers are often advised to estimate how long we think a task will take and then double—or even triple—it to make sure we give ourselves enough time to do it. This can backfire sometimes. Having more time to do something might mean that we make less progress than we otherwise would have because now we have time! Having extra time doesn’t make us any better at managing it. And oftentimes, it can take away the sense of urgency we need to get started and stay focused. To find the right balance, it helps to play around with the amount of time that you
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Take time away. Only give yourself the amount of time you think you need to work, but set a timer; allow yourself to hit pause on the timer to that time and step away to stretch, do some push-ups,
HAVE TIMES WHEN TIME DOESN’T MATTER Worrying about time and doing things on a schedule is unnatural and stressful for a lot of ADHD brains. While time management can be necessary (especially when you are, you know, living in a society), it’s not always essential.
Sequence instead of schedule. Doing things in a particular order is far easier on our brains than doing them at a particular time. This
Keep some days meeting free. A lot of ADHD brains benefit from keeping
Set aside “flexible” days. If you can, decide on a couple of days when it doesn’t matter if you start working or come home late. This gives you built-in buffer time to catch up on stuff you missed, which can make it easier to stick to your schedule the rest of the week. Take a time vacation. Sometimes, it’s good to commit to a day where nothing needs to get done at any particular time or even in any particular order. Brains need rest!
He explained that schedules weren’t supposed to be rigid. A schedule should work for you; you shouldn’t be working for the Schedule. As for my “failures”? Turns out, it’s really hard to stick to a schedule when it’s based on completely unrealistic time estimates. No wonder I was anxious.
braved Google Calendar again. I learned to “time block”—put blocks in my schedule for my tasks and projects—and not worry about sticking to them perfectly.
I started rebelling.
One off day shouldn’t ruin your week, let alone throw off the next three months.
In that fog, I realized time management isn’t some magical solution that lets us do all of the things. In fact, overscheduling myself had cost me things I cared most about,
