The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

by Debra Fine

Use an icebreaker. Don’t act like an FBI agent. Questions like What do you do?, Are you married?, Do you have children?, and Where are you from? lead to dead-end conversations. A good icebreaker not only provides a way to meet new people, but also helps jump-start conversations. For example, using an icebreaker such as “Tell me about your organization” is unique, yet does not pin someone down into labeling themselves.

Express interest and make an effort. You have to be interested if you want to be interesting. Remember, people want to be with people who make them feel special, not people who are “special.” Take responsibility to help people you talk to feel as if they’re the only person in the room. Part of your job as a conversee is to get the other person to talk. Listen to what your conversational partner is saying and ask relevant follow-up questions. Take cues from them and make a mental list of questions you can ask to get them to elaborate.

Find common ground. Whether you’re chatting with a new coworker or a fellow association member, it’s important to stay on a related topic. As long as you stay on a subject you are both familiar with—like your specific field or the day’s event—you’ll be able to communicate easily.

Overcome awkward pauses. It’s up to you to keep the conversation going if there are some uncomfortable pauses. Be prepared. Spend a few minutes before an anticipated event preparing to talk easily about two to three topics.

Join the conversation ready to play the conversation game. When someone asks How’s business? or What’s going on? answer with more than Not much. Tell more about yourself so that others can learn more about you. When waiting for a meeting to begin, your client asks how your summer is going. The lazy response is “Pretty good.” Give a one sentence answer of substance instead: “Looking forward to some Nebraska walleye fishing.” When asked how your day is going upon arrival for the Zoom meeting: “My day got off to a good start thanks to quick walk with my dog” or “Busier than usual because we have an educational conference tomorrow.” You have supplied information about yourself that can be leapfrogged from if interest and time allows.

Be aware of body language. Nervous or ill-at-ease people make others uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you’re not.

Make a plan that is actionable and give a specific time when you’ll follow up. Most importantly, if you say you’re going to do something, do it!

A missed opportunity is issuing a LinkedIn invitation without framing with a bit of small talk. Anything that is genuine: “I admire your work and want to connect.” “Issuing this invitation because we attended the same webinar on investing.” “As an alum of Northwestern I would like to connect.” “We don’t know each other; however, I saw a reference to your research and would like to connect.”

Every encounter involves risk. As long as you keep looking for new people to meet, expand community and networks, and you show an interest in other people, you can make building relationships and networking meaningful and enjoy lively conversations.

If someone has chosen to share a negative or sensitive experience with you, it is important to not only listen to them, but acknowledge and thank them for choosing you as someone they are sharing this with.

you can use conversation skills as a tool to build new connections, while avoiding awkward pauses and uncomfortable conversations. After all, any relationship—business or social—starts with small talk.