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Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than
discerning: 12:24 “ … laziness ends in slave labor.” 13:18 “He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame.” 14:23 “ … mere talk leads only to poverty.” 15:1 “ … a harsh word stirs up anger.” 16:18 “Pride
destruction … ” 17:19 “ … he who builds a high gate invites destruction.” 19:15 “ … the shiftless man goes hungry.” This is only a suggestive list of warnings from Proverbs. One
can warn our children is to fill their heads with the cautions of the Bible. How do the warnin...
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them understand themselves, God’s works, the ways of God, how sin works in the human heart, and how the gospel comes to them at the most profound levels of human need. Shepherding the hearts of children also involves helping them understand their motivations, goals, wants, wishes, and desires. It exposes the true nature of reality and encourages faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. You undertake the shepherding process through the kind of rich, multifaceted communication that I have sketched here. Later chapters will add color and texture to what has already been sketched briefly in earlier
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The Proverbs remind you that the fool does not delight in understanding, but in airing his own opinion (Proverbs
Parent-Child Relationship Full-orbed, rich, multi-faceted communication is the cement that holds a parent and a child together.
not tried to make him like you or like anybody
else, but only sought to help him realize his full potential as a creature God made to know him and live in the relationship of fellowship with him, he will trust you. The result is obvious:
Communication is the art of expressing in godly ways what is in my heart and of hearing completely and understanding what another thinks and feels. Home is the place for developing these skills. What a great advantage for the child who has learned to articulate his thoughts and to understand others.
God—finding grace, power, and fullness in him—answers their deepest needs. All of life is lived through the power and grace of the gospel. Christ is relevant
You must regard parenting as one of your most important tasks while you have children at home. This is your calling. You must raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. You cannot do so without investing yourself in a life of sensitive communication in which you help them understand life and God’s world. There is nothing more important. You have only a brief season of life to invest yourself in this task. You have only one opportunity to do it. You cannot go back and do it over. You live in a culture
Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
Will the child live under the authority of God and therefore the authority of his parents, or under his own authority—driven by his wants and passions?
The rod is a parent, in faith toward God and faithfulness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death.
Good definition
spanking children at school. When a teacher undertakes the spanking, the spanking process is removed from its context in the parent-child relationship.
Not Retribution The biblical concept of the rod is not the parent exacting retribution for the child’s wrong. It is not payment due. Many parents have a punitive mindset. They see discipline as the child paying for his sins. Rather than correction having the positive goal of restoration, it has the negative goal of payment. It is like the convict paying his debt to society by doing time in prison. This is not a biblical concept of discipline. Not Associated with Vindictive
This God-given conscience is your ally in discipline and correction. Your most powerful appeals will be those that smite the conscience. When the offended conscience is aroused, correction and discipline can find their mark.
larcenous
The genius of Phariseeism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ.
The first stage of development, infancy to childhood, encompasses the period from birth to age four or five. This period can be described in a single word—change. With every stage of development, the child astounds his parents with dramatic change.
The most important lesson for the child to learn in this period is that HE IS AN INDIVIDUAL UNDER AUTHORITY. He has been made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things.
the circle. I have drawn this circle for my children scores of times, entreating them to willing submission to authority, explaining that Dad was not mad at them, but rather Dad was on a rescue mission. I have asked them, “How could I see you in peril and not seek to rescue
Honoring parents means to treat them with respect and esteem because of their position of authority. It is honoring them because of their role of authority. If a child is going to honor his parents, it will be the result of two things: 1) The parent must train him to do so. 2) The parent must be honorable in his conduct and demeanor.
This can be done kindly through statements such as these: “I am sorry, dear, but you may not speak to me in that way. God has made me your mother and has said that you must treat me with honor. Now, let’s see if there is a respectful way you can express what you wish to say.”
You may not yell at your children.
You inevitably train your children in obedience. You may train them to obey only after you’ve yelled, pleaded, or threatened.
obeying. Submission to authority means that they obey without delay, excuse, or challenge.
Be sure that they learn to obey without challenge, without excuse, without delay.
One day it dawned on us! We produced the cycles.
soon as your child steps out of that circle of safety, he needs to be rescued from the danger of stubborn independence from your authority.
these early years of childhood, the rod is primary.
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).
When does a child need a spanking? When you have given a directive that he has heard and is within his capacity to understand, and he has not obeyed without challenge, without excuse or without delay, he needs a spanking.
The truth is, if parents are consistent with discipline, they will find quickly that the child responds and the necessity for discipline decreases. Could it be that you are confronted with disobedience all day because you tolerate it?
The big issue during these middle years is character.
What you must address at this point is behavior that is wrong, but not defiant.
Once or twice a year, you and your spouse should sit down and take stock of your children.
Whatever motivates behavior trains the heart. If you motivate with shame you teach your children to respond to shame. If you motivate with emotional appeals you train them to respond to emotional appeal. If you motivate with promises of material things you train them to respond to material incentives. Many of us as adults can see character weaknesses in ourselves that are tied to the motivations offered to us as children.
Principles of communication discussed in chapters 8–10 come to life here. Behavior has a “when,” a “what,” and a “why.” The “when” describes the circumstances in which the behavior occurred. The “what” describes the things that were said or done. The “why” describes the internal heart issues that pushed or pulled the specific behavior.
