It's a Date (Again)

by Jeneva Rose

The easiest person to lie to is yourself because you don’t question your own thoughts. You accept them as facts, even when they’re not. They’re just reflections, like looking in a mirror. We see ourselves, but we don’t see how others see us. We get a distorted version.

“I’ve always been one of those people searching for the next best thing. In work, relationships, life, everything. Heck, I even order oysters anytime they’re on a menu because they’re considered the best, but I don’t even like them.”

“Shawn, it’s okay. I know what it’s like to not know who your heart belongs to. It’s an awful feeling, but I’m really glad you figured it out. And I’m happy for you . . . for the both of you.”

Listen to your heart. I repeat the words back in my head. They’re familiar, and this moment almost feels like déjà vu. But not entirely. Just the message, not the messenger. He takes a couple of steps back and wipes at his eyes again.

“Robbie’s deep dive.” He shakes his head. “If you wanted to know things about me, why didn’t you just ask?” “I don’t know . . . It’s confusing. Because I don’t know what we’ve talked about and what we haven’t talked about.” “And I understand that. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to date you again. At least I thought I did. It’s just—” He groans. “This isn’t what I had in mind.”

I instantly feel sick to my stomach. What am I doing? He’s right. I should just know who I love. I should know who my heart beats for. I should know who I have the strongest connection with. This shouldn’t be such a difficult decision to make because I’ve made it before. And if I don’t figure it out soon, I’m not going to have anyone left to love.

“You think I’m not the one because I wouldn’t eat your leftovers? That’s what dogs are for, not boyfriends.” “It’s more than that.” I raise my chin. “I can’t put it into words, but I know it in my heart, and I don’t need my memories to recognize you’re not the one I love.”

“Save it,” he interrupts, flicking a hand at me dismissively. “I don’t need to hear this speech again.”

“You broke it off with me the night before the accident,” he scoffs. “What? Why in the hell did you show up at the hospital claiming to be my boyfriend if I had already broken up with you?” “I came there to win you back, and then when I found out about the amnesia, I figured it was an opportunity for me . . . like fate.”

“If you walk out that door, Peyton, then we are never, ever getting back together.” Tyler points a finger at me, then crosses his arms over his chest and purses his lips. I can’t tell if he’s delusional or if his ego is so big that it sucks up all the air around him, leaving his brain deprived of oxygen.

it’s better to live with a broken heart than to never let anyone into it in the first place.”

I slide my phone from my purse and quickly send a text to Maya, telling her who I love, just to be safe. She immediately replies with, I know.

He’s crystal clear and completely in focus. But all around him is a blur, like Monet himself painted his world. I’ve stared into those blue eyes a million times, and somehow, I didn’t see what was right in front of me. The love of my life, and the reason all the other ones didn’t work out. It’s because they weren’t him. They weren’t Robbie.

“Yeah, then you also remember you said you didn’t love me back, that we were just friends.” When he picks his head up, I can see the pain in his eyes, and I feel so bad for ever hurting him to begin with. They’re glassy, just like they were the night of my accident—the night I lied to him. “I know. But it wasn’t true.”

“I remember. It was you, Robbie. It was always you. And I was too scared to love you because I didn’t want to lose you. I’m not scared anymore. I’d rather love you for a minute than love anyone else for a lifetime.”