It's a Date (Again)

by Jeneva Rose

He lets out a deep breath before he continues. “Peyton, I was engaged before, and I broke it off because I thought to myself, what if there’s someone out there who’s better for me? I know, it’s terrible. But now I know there’s not, because the best person for me has been there all along.” “I’m not sure I understand.” “The family emergency I canceled our date for.” He lowers his chin. “It was my ex-fiancée. She had a health scare, and I was still listed as her emergency contact, so the hospital called me. Just the thought of losing her . . .” Shawn sighs and his eyes well up with tears. “It made me realize how much I still love her. Actually, I never stopped loving her.”

“I’m really sorry, Peyton. If I had known before, I wouldn’t have led you on. Honestly, between your accident and her health scare, it made me realize I’ve been wasting my time chasing life rather than living it.” He lowers his head.

I place a hand on his shoulder. “Shawn, it’s okay. I know what it’s like to not know who your heart belongs to. It’s an awful feeling, but I’m really glad you figured it out. And I’m happy for you . . . for the both of you.” Tears fall from my eyes too. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m truly happy for him, and I want what he has—clarity.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Thank you for being honest with me and yourself.”

“Take care, Peyton. I hope your heart steers you right.”

“Yeah. I actually think I’m a little relieved.” I let out a laugh. “Why?” “Because now it’s down to two, and I think Shawn was the liar, so I don’t have to worry about that now. But he wasn’t just lying to me, he was lying to himself.”

“Easy to have him pegged when you did a deep dive on him,” I tease. He shrugs and laughs, while Tyler’s face is serious, almost more of a pensive look, with a creased brow and tightened eyes. I smile at him, but he doesn’t return it. Instead, he takes a long sip from his Solo cup.

“You got him pegged too?” Tyler directs his question toward Robbie.

I sigh and eyeball the guys. Tyler tilts his head and folds his arms over his chest. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to be here. I smile at him, but either he doesn’t notice, or he ignores it again. Nash props his foot up on his knee and gives his attention to Maya, waiting for her to speak. He seems to be having a better time than Tyler.

“Oh, I got it. Peyton is a terrible singer.” “Isn’t that subjective?” Nash asks. Debbie shakes her head. “Not at all. One time when she did karaoke, the DJ shut her mic off. That’s how bad she was.” She chuckles and leans back in her chair.

He readjusts himself in his seat. “Whenever Peyton finds a coin on the ground, if it’s tails up, she flips it over so the next person that comes along next will have good luck.”

Robbie pats my knee and whispers, “I like your singing. Because it’s similar to mine. Our karaoke duets sound like a couple of stray cats yowling and meowing for scraps of food.” He cracks a teasing smile.

“Are you free this week for a date?” I ask. He runs a hand over his face, glancing away for a moment. “Is it with you?”

Tyler takes a step back and shoves his hands into his pockets, blowing out a gust of air. “When I agreed to do whatever this is, I thought I’d be dating you.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m dating a committee. You have Robbie doing deep dives on us, and Maya’s arranging gatherings so she can size us up. Plus, I spent the whole party fixing things around Debbie’s house rather than spending time with you. It just doesn’t feel like you’re the one making the decision.”

“Robbie’s deep dive.” He shakes his head. “If you wanted to know things about me, why didn’t you just ask?”

“Tyler,” I yell, but he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even look back at me. I instantly feel sick to my stomach. What am I doing? He’s right. I should just know who I love. I should know who my heart beats for. I should know who I have the strongest connection with. This shouldn’t be such a difficult decision to make because I’ve made it before. And if I don’t figure it out soon, I’m not going to have anyone left to love.

There’s a weight on me, something draped over my stomach. I glance down and see that it’s an arm, attached to Robbie. His skin is warm, and it feels like I’m nestled up next to a fireplace, all cozy and safe. His body is pressed against mine like he’s the big spoon, and I’m the little spoon. We didn’t fall asleep like that, so I wonder at what point in the night the pillow wall got completely dismantled. Maybe subconsciously Robbie was trying to comfort me because he knew I was upset. I played it off like I was fine, but he knew.

“Peyton!” Robbie yells. His footsteps pad down the hallway, and he suddenly appears, dressed in only a pair of pajama pants. His panicked eyes zoom to me, the stove, and the smoke alarm above the kitchen table that’s raging with three long, loud beeps over and over. He pulls open the balcony doors and then grabs a throw blanket from the couch, waving it near the alarm. The smoke dissipates as he fans it toward the open door. I’m just standing here, leaning up against the counter, frozen.

“What happened?” he asks. I feel like a deer in headlights. “I was trying to make you breakfast.”

When the spilled coffee and broken mug is cleaned up, Robbie gets to his feet and grins. “So, what’d you make me?” “Umm, burned bacon and a toasted English muffin,” I say, glancing at the stove and toaster. “My favorite,” he teases, and I can’t help but smile. My shoulders finally relax and I let out a deep breath.

“You should be done with him,” he says earnestly. “What? Why? I’m not ending it with Tyler.” “You should. If he’s not willing to be patient and understanding of your situation, he’s clearly not the one for you. You deserve better than that, Peyton.”

“I think you’re the last person that should be giving any advice on relationships, Robbie,” I scoff. He cocks his head. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “You’ve never been close to telling anyone you loved them. You break up with girls over stupid reasons like what shows they like or what they eat. So, of course for you, any reason is a good reason to break up with someone. You’ve never loved anyone, so you can’t possibly know what you’re talking about.”

“And what would you know about love, Peyton? You don’t even know who you love.”

I turn to face him. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know who I love, but I know I do. I can feel it in my skin, in my fingers, in my heart. And I know it’s worth fighting for. It’s worth the mess and the confusion and the frustration. It’s worth being sick over. Hell, I got hit by a car for it, and I’m not just going to throw it away because you think I should.”

“All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. That’s it.”

“Well, I hope you find out who you love then.” Robbie steps back. “Because I wouldn’t want you to end up like me.”

I’m frustrated with him for being so wishy-washy on this whole dating thing. One day he’s against it, the next he’s for it. He likes Tyler and then he doesn’t like him. It’s all so complicated, and I don’t know how to uncomplicate it.

He tilts his head to the side. “I knew I felt strongly about you, but I didn’t know if you felt the same way. I mean . . . I hoped you did.”

“You’re an amazing man, truly, one of the good ones. You deserve someone that’s going to love you with every ounce of their being.” My voice cracks. “But you weren’t the guy I was running to the night of my accident, and I’m really sorry it’s taken me this long to figure it out.”

Nash leans across the table and rests his hand on mine. “It’s all right, Peyton. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“Hey,” he calls out. I stop and glance back. “It’s like I’m one of those coins you turn over for someone else to find,” Nash says with a smile. This time it reaches his eyes.

“I broke it off with Nash,” I say. “Really?” His gaze dances around my face. I nod. “Really.” The corners of his mouth quiver. “So, it’s me. I’m the one you were running toward.” “Yeah, it’s you. It has to be you.”

“I knew it was you and me,” Tyler whispers.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s back from her trek of triumph,” Maya says with a smirk.

“I thought it was a walk of shame,” Debbie says. Maya shakes her head. “Nah, that’s outdated. We celebrate our carnal conquests now. No shame in that game.”

“I told him I didn’t want to until I had my memories back.” I glance down at my feet. “I only have a week’s worth of memories with Tyler, but I want to have all of them.”

“Did your memories come back then?” Maya asks. “No,” I say. “Then how did you know it was Tyler?”

“Because I knew it wasn’t Nash. We just never had that strong of a connection. He’s amazing but he’s not the one. And Tyler felt so strongly about us. There was never a doubt in his mind that it was him I was running toward.”

Debbie holds a finger up. “Oh, that reminds me. I got something for you.” She disappears inside her home for a moment before emerging with a small box wrapped in green paper. A white bow adorns the gift with a sealed envelope tucked underneath it. “Here,” she says, handing it to me. I take it from her and look down at the envelope resting on top. Peyton is written on the front of it. I know immediately that it’s Robbie’s handwriting. I don’t know how I know that but I do. It’s a little sloppy but still legible.

I feel my heart race like it grew feet and started running, pounding against my rib cage. My stomach flips, and I blink back tears. I should have never said what I said to him. I didn’t mean any of it. I was just feeling emotional and disoriented. And now I feel so awful and sad. I miss Robbie, and I’m mad at myself for how I spoke to him.

I hold the present a little tighter. It’s so neatly wrapped, like he took his time with it, making sure it was perfect. A frown settles on my face. As much as I want to rip it open, I don’t feel like I even deserve whatever’s inside of it . . . even if it’s a piece of trash.

said I’d open it on my birthday, but it feels wrong to unwrap it without Robbie here. My feet carry me toward it. I pull the card from the gift and flip it over in my hand. On the back of the envelope reads, Open last. I smile. Of course Robbie would have instructions on how to open his gifts. I unwrap the box. Inside, I find a charm bracelet adorned with coins—a mix of pennies, nickels, and dimes. There are fourteen of them spaced evenly around the chain.

Peyton, You’ve turned over so many coins, leaving good luck for others. I hope you don’t mind that I collected some of them for myself, fourteen to be exact, one for each year I’ve known you, because they’ve been the luckiest years of my life. Happy birthday. Love, Your friend, Robbie

Congrats. Hope you’re happy.

I clear my throat and wipe my mouth with a napkin. “You said when I told you that I had ended it with Nash that you knew it was you and me that were supposed to be together.” “That’s right.” Tyler sips from his straw. “How did you know?” “Because we’re good together.”

This doesn’t feel right. In my gut and in my heart, it just doesn’t. There’s still an ache there, as though it’s longing for something. I meet his gaze. He appears just as confused as I am. I imagine myself running. The muscles in my legs explode. The cold Chicago air fills my lungs as I gasp for more of it. My heart races, pounding against my ribs. Even though I’m staring right at Tyler, I can’t picture him.

I blink several times, snapping out of it. “It’s not you,” I say. His thick brows nearly become one. “What do you mean?” “You’re not the one I was running to that night. It can’t be you.”

“Did your memories all of a sudden come back?” “No, I still don’t remember. But I know it wasn’t you.”

“It’s more than that.” I raise my chin. “I can’t put it into words, but I know it in my heart, and I don’t need my memories to recognize you’re not the one I love.”