Let's Do This

by Loren Leigh

His eyes darken into a deep, vivid brown. And holy hell, I’ve never seen that look on him before. I doubt he even realizes that it happened, but it’s so . . . potent. Like ball-squeezing intensity.

“What’s, uh.” My voice is rough, cracking with uncertainty. “What are we doing?” “I don’t know.” His smile evaporates, his heels coming back down on the floor. “But whatever it is, I kinda don’t want it to stop.” I swallow. And then the truth is there. Right on my tongue. “Me neither,” I say.

“I get it,” I say, lowering my voice to a whisper. “No kissing.” He frowns slightly. I hook my duffle over my shoulder. “You’re weirdly quiet, and it’s fuckin’ odd, and I’m worried that—‍” “I’m quiet,” he says, brows pulling together under the backstrap of his ballcap, “because I wanted to.”

“I like how we look together,” I mumble. Defined pecs and abs, hard cocks, strong thighs.

😳

And for a guy who doesn’t smile much at all, I can’t seem to stop lately.

I don’t have to turn around to know who’s behind me. I’d know his voice anywhere. I’d know it in my sleep, a thousand miles under water. I’d know it twenty years from now, even if I never saw him again after this moment.

“I just want to go somewhere where shit’s okay. Where I don’t have to pretend to be anything. And that’s kinda turning out to be your bed. But if that’s not where you’re headed, then I’ll go where you are.” His green eyes come up to meet mine. “Because I don’t think it’s actually about the bed.”

“I want to be around you. Wanna be in your bed. With you. Like a whole lot. Just you.” And like that, my whole heart buckles. I hope.

“Eden Burkehammer,” I mumble as he heads toward the kitchen. “You put that cute ass in front of me, and yeah, I’m gonna follow it. Lemming style. Wherever you’re going.”

“Yeah? How do you seduce a Burkie?” His voice is quiet. “You be Shaw.” I’m grinning so widely my face hurts. “Shit, that’s all it takes?” “For you, yeah.”

There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. There haven’t been that many places in my life that feel like home. But Burkie’s room? I’m not sure I have another word to describe it.

Everyone should have a Burkie. Someone who makes things okay. Someone who makes a place feel like home just because they’re in it.

I’ve never ached to see someone as much as I ache to see Shaw in my life. It’s physical. Like a hard gut-check. Something way beyond missing a person. My feelings keep being so big when it comes to Shaw. So fuckin’ deep.

I never in my life thought that a man like Shaw would look at me the way he is right now. That I’d be worth it. Except there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that’s starting to speak up, and it’s saying that maybe—just maybe—I am worth it. It’s a whisper compared to everything else, but it’s there. And it doesn’t sound like my father. It doesn’t even sound like Shaw. It sounds a lot like me.

I don’t know that I had fantasies growing up. I was way too confused about what I wanted and what everyone else around me was saying I should want. But I have them now. They’re him. Looking up at me from the bottom of a fire escape ladder, shivering, his cheeks pink, his eyes bright, snow gathering in the streetlights beyond. I’d rather be here with him than anywhere else in the entire fuckin’ world. Right here. With him. Stuck outside in the snow. I pick him. Over and over and over. Even if it’s not the same for him. Even if he never picks me back. Even if all these feelings are too damn big. “I pick you,” I lean over to look at him. He blinks up at me. “Pick me for what?” “For anything.” “I pick you too.”

aww, this is actually so sweet 🥺

It feels right having him here. It feels right having him everywhere. He’s the person I want to be around more than anyone else. That never stops being true.

I’m falling for him. And I’m not going to run from it. I’m not going to shove it off as ‘just fun’ or keep calling it simple. There’s no one else I’d rather do this with. I’m glad it’s him.

🥹🫶🏻

I’ve been thinking about it off and on all week. What’s better than doing my favorite thing in the world with my favorite person? Nothing.

“I love you.” It comes out quietly, tenderly. But strong. Like the truth that it really is. “I want everything with you. A life. A home. Marriage. I’d give up Montreal in a heartbeat for that. I’d give you a home you’d never have to lose.”

Omg I’m gonna cry 🥺🤚🏼

I don’t know that I fully understood how much I’ve fallen for him until right now. I’ve had glimpses of it. But I haven’t really, really known. He’s the person I want to be around more than anyone else. The person I will always pick first.

He’s not leaving. No matter how far he goes. Part of him is always right here with me, standing on my right. And part of me is always with him.

“I pick you.” I squeeze my eyes tighter, feeling him, the change in his breath, the shift of his stance to balance us, the edge of his list folded in my palm. “I love you. So freaking much.” My best friend. My whole damn world. Standing right here and hugging me back with all his strength. I sniffle, tears slipping out and rolling down my cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m always crying around you. I’m always feeling so much. Like it’s leaking out all over, and jeez . . .” I hiccup on my words. “I can’t hold it in.”

Eden is happy. And I can’t express what that does to me. How light it makes me feel. “I like seeing you happy,” I say. He smiles, but then it fades. “I fuckin’ love you.” He says it the way he did before, soft and cut with so much feeling, and I think he’ll say it that way every single time. Like it will never be an offhand thought. It will never just be a habit or carelessly said. Like he’ll always mean it. “I love you too.”

AWW STOP I CAN’T, THIS IS SO SWEET 😭❤️

I’ve only got two thoughts in my head. One is Shaw, of course. And the other is this: Sometimes, you just have to dream really fuckin’ big. And then hold on for the ride.

am I gonna cry again? 🥹💛