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“It’ll kill me if he is in love with her. Sometimes when Heather isn’t around, I feel like we could be something, but if he does tell me he loves her, then we will never be anything.”
“I don’t want to know, though. I want us to be—” I stopped before I could let it out. I want us to be something.
“I’m getting the idea you have feelings for him.” “No,” I rushed to say. “I promise, I don’t feel anything about him.” “It wouldn’t be a bad thing if you did.”
“I think you should talk to him. You don’t have to tell him your feelings, but you need to know if there is someone else. If there is, then you need distance. You need to move on. If not, then maybe you could be on the same page.”
“Thank you,” I said. “You could have judged me, but you didn’t.” “Why would I judge you?” “I’m . . . not sure. My former best friend did, though.” “Sounds like a bad best friend.”
“But I plan to leave when this is over. I just needed the money to do it, and that’s what she didn’t like.” “We all need money to live. And besides, I don’t think you need judgment. You need a friend.” “That’s the problem. She was my only friend.” Amy laughed. “I’m your friend. At least if you want me to be.”
“I’ve wanted to be your friend since you moved here,” she told me. “Most of our neighborhood is still old people and no one is really our age. You seem cool.” “I’d . . . I mean sure. But I won’t be in town forever.” “I can travel.” “And my life is pretty messy.” “Mine is too. You already know I’m a thief.”
“I-I’d love to be friends, actually,” I told her, smiling.
I had gone back to being quiet with Sebastian. I was working up the courage to ask him what he and Heather were, but I needed to get over the stinging betrayal I felt whenever I saw him.
“Where? With who?” he accused. “Just a friend,” I said. “You’re supposed to be here. This is the second time Heather has come here to find you missing.” “Well, it’s the second time I’ve seen Heather in our house with no warning,” I hissed. “Sorry if my plans don’t coincide with your time with your assistant.”
“Dinner?” he asked from the couch. “Really?” “Yes, dinner. With a friend.” Sebastian shook his head. “It’s like you’re not even trying.” “Not even trying? I’m not the one who had another woman in the house before eight to shower.”
“Maybe I will tell her, then.” Sebastian’s cold voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “She’s always asked if we were okay.” I wanted to tell him no. If Heather really didn’t know, then I wanted it to stay that way. If they somehow weren’t together, then I didn’t want to be the catalyst that pulled them to one another. I opened my mouth to beg him not to tell her, but he wasn’t done.
“I need her here for lots of reasons. She’s going to move here to be my assistant again, but she’s having trouble finding a place. She could stay here. We have the space and you seem to need a reason to be here.” Rage turned to hurt, and the hurt multiplied, turning into something ugly in my chest. I stared at him and tried to imagine life not only with Heather in it, but living with us?
Maybe he’d start smiling at her like he did me; maybe I’d walk in on them sleeping together, with Sebastian looking at her the same way he does me
I felt my eyes grow wet, which had to be one of the most frustrating parts of the night. “Great,” I muttered, my voice cracking. “Let me know when she moves in.” Sebastian blinked, anger melting off his face. I absolutely refused to cry in front of him, so I walked up the stairs and to my room.
I was at the coffee shop most of the day, and by the time I got home, Sebastian was there with Heather. It was late, and the sun was setting. There was no reason for her to still be working.
“Treat him right,” she said with a glare. “Because if this ever fails, then someone else will.” My brain stopped for a moment. If this ever fails, was the first thing I thought about. He hadn’t told her. Then, I realized what she had said.
“He would have been mine if you hadn’t shown up when you did.” “Okay? I knew that.” She laughed incredulously. “It doesn’t bother you that I have feelings for him?” “I’ve known,” I told her. “I’m not dumb.”
“Of course I care!” I snapped, my control evaporating at her prodding. “Why else would I keep my mouth shut when I’ve known this whole time something is going on between you two?”
“Wait, you think something is going on?” “I’m not blind.” “So you think he likes me back?” she asked, eyes bright. What the hell was I supposed to say that? Tears blurred my vision.
“I knew him first, and I know him way better than you do.” I looked away, anger fading into pain. That was probably true.
I wanted him, but I knew I couldn’t win. I wasn’t the kind of girl to start a battle I knew I’d lose. “I don’t know what he feels for you, but . . . you certainly have a better shot with him than I do.” The words hurt, but they were true.
She did know him for longer than me, which only made me think about how much better they could be suited to each other. They probably talked. They weren’t saddled together like he and I were.
Heather gestured in my general direction, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sebastian turn to look at me. And he never looked away. I was barely holding back the tears, but I hoped he didn’t notice them. I was unable to stand tall with the weight of the conversation sitting heavily on me. My shoulders sagged, my head hung low. It was impossible to look fine. “You should probably go, Heather,” he said, his voice distant.
“Heather, not right now.” Dimly, I noticed his tone was sharp. “Please?” she said, her voice alluring. “No,” he said loudly, turning to her. “Can you not see I’m trying to make sure my wife is okay?”
“I love you,” she continued, and the knife in my chest twisted. “I think we could be great together.” I blinked back more tears. I wanted to go to my room so I didn’t have to hear the rest of this, but I’d have to walk past them to get up the stairs.
What I didn’t expect him to say was, “Heather, this is extremely inappropriate.” But he did. “What?” Heather asked. “How is me being in love with you inappropriate?” “Because you’re saying it in front of my wife.” He said it slowly, enunciating the word wife like it meant something to him.
Sure, he’d said it was inappropriate, but never that he didn’t feel the same. I figured that once I was out of the room, he would say what he truly felt.
“Go with her,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s fine.” “No,” he said stubbornly. I didn’t understand. Why was he still here? Why did he care about me at all? I wasn’t someone he chose. I was just some girl that he got stuck with.
“Heather, I am not in love with you,” he said. “I am in love with my wife. Coming here and upsetting her is inappropriate. I know we discussed you continuing to work under me, but I think you should go back to LA and work for my father.”
“You . . . you can’t love her.” “Why not?” “Because she told me you didn’t.” Sebastian froze.
“If that is what she thinks,” he began slowly, “then I’ve failed her as a husband, and I’ll spend every day attempting to make up for it.”
“You’re really in love with her?” Heather asked. “Yes,” he said. “Why would I not be?”
“I’ve always been only professional with you. Those late nights were because of the workload my father placed on me, and you were the one who volunteered for the overtime.” What? Was he saying what I thought he was?
“Do you think I enjoy being away from my wife whenever my father has a project he needs done?” Sebastian continued. “Do you think I liked leaving her to fend for herself while I was with you? No, Heather, I wanted to be with Lily. All of those nights, I wished I were with her.”
“She was here when I got up. She told me I wasn’t a great wife, and she could do better. I . . . couldn’t disagree with her.” “You said that?” “You can’t exactly blame me. The last time we talked you said you were telling her.” Sebastian’s anger melted off of his face. “Lily, I wasn’t serious.”
He deflated. “You’re . . . you’re not. I’m sorry. I was angry because you were with whoever you’re seeing and . . . never mind, it was stupid.” I blinked. “Whoever I’m seeing?”
“You’ve thought I’ve been seeing someone else this whole time?” “Lily,” he said, sounding exhausted, “please don’t deny it.” “You think I’m having an affair?” I repeated, offended at the accusation.
“I’m done,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about me ever doing this to you. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone.”
“I’m writing.” My voice cracked on the words. I’d never said them out loud, and they sounded strange to my own ears.
“Because I’m published. Under another name.” There. Most of my secret was out. “Is that a bad thing?” Yes, it was. I’d somehow turned my pain into something more than it was. I’d written him into the story, making him the worst version of what I saw. And he would hate me when he found out.
“And why couldn’t I know?” “Because I’m terrified. I haven’t told anyone about my writing. It is the one job I’ve had that’s mine. My parents got every dollar I earned until now, and the minute they see that I have an out, they’ll take it too.”
“But I just spent four years thinking you were in love with Heather.” “What?” “On the honeymoon,” I said, my hands shook as I remembered it, “the way you answered her call, I thought I was just an inconvenience, and that she was the one you wanted.”
“I figured you missed her, and I happened to be the one in front of you.” Sebastian’s jaw dropped. “You think I’d do that to you?” “It wouldn’t be the worst thing done to me.” I shrugged.
“Lily, you’re my wife.” “Not really,” I said, shaking my head. “We signed a contract before the marriage papers. We pretended to be in love.” “I took a vow, and I was serious about it from day one. There was no one else.”
“No, I understand. I can’t imagine the headspace you were in when you left. Actually, I can, considering I thought you were cheating too. I can’t explain it, but it’s like . . .” “It’s like all logic is gone,” I finished for him.
“The coffee shop. I write there because I was worried you’d come in and see me writing.” “The one we went to the day we visited the botanical garden?” I nodded. “It’s a nice place.” “I thought that’s where you took the other person you were seeing,” he said, laughing tiredly. “Oh no,” I said, shaking my head. “They know me because I write for hours there. I was worried someone would rat me out.”
“I’ve never . . . you know, come for anyone else.” Sebastian blinked, and then he turned red. “That’s a shame. You’re beautiful when you do it.”
“I have to know why you’re doing this.” “Doing what?” “The marriage. Is it really for money?” “Yes,” I admitted. He looked disappointed, but I continued. “I need my inheritance in order to escape.”
“My family, my name, modeling . . . everything. I can’t do this anymore. I was forced into being a child model. My parents spent all that money on themselves. I was told that if I did this, I would be able to stay out of modeling for the five years, and I’d get an inheritance. It’s not everything I made as a model, but enough to get me away.”
