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“J.R. seems pretty dark,” I told him. “Maybe it would end sadly.” “A lot of people want that,” Sebastian said, “and I agree that it would be more in tone with the series. But what’s the point of escapism if the end is sad anyway?” I was quickly realizing that reading fan theories online paled in comparison to actually talking to someone I knew about it.
“They’re a ghost,” he added. “Maybe that’s by design,” I reminded him. “Not everyone wants to be noticed or followed.” “Do you?” I stifled as gasp. Did he know? How? How could he have found out? The look of shock on my face lessened when I realized he meant me, Lily, Instagram influencer and all-around-perfect public figure. But I supposed there wasn’t as much of a difference as I thought there was. “I don’t,” I told him honestly.
“You’re good at it, though.” I shrugged, trying not to get defensive. “Maybe I am. But I think we all have things we’re good at but also hate.” “Yeah, I suppose we do,” Sebastian said softly, more to himself than me.
The man sitting in front of me wasn’t the one I stood at the altar with. Or maybe he was, and I never cared to find out. And I regretted that a little.
I turned on the TV, and laid on the couch to recover. I was still tired and felt like I had been wrung out like a washcloth, but hanging with Sebastian was nice. And that pang in my chest I usually had when around him was mysteriously gone.
After that day, things changed. It started as a smile when he got home from work, and then a conversation as we ate dinner together.
When I walked into the living room in heels, looking perfect, I could have sworn Sebastian was almost disappointed. “You look . . .” “Photo ready?” I finished.
“Right,” he said. “I mean, you look good, but not like you.”
It didn’t make sense. He should like me when I was at my best. Him liking me when I wasn’t was a hard thing to accept.
He crossed his arms. “You’re lying. You don’t want me here for some reason.” Shit. Why did he have to notice so much now of all times?
“Uh, yeah,” I replied. “I’ve been married for four years. This is Sebastian.” “Sebastian,” Riley said, smiling. “Nice to meet you.” Sebastian looked tense, but he at least smiled back. “You too,” he said.
Sebastian let out a long breath in the car, almost as if he were exhaling the entire coffee shop from his lungs. I couldn’t think of anything to say without blurting out that I was there to write. His expression was pinched, and I couldn’t help but think it was because Riley knew me and things that he didn’t.
I turned to find Sebastian looking at me with his head tilted, one eyebrow raised. “What?” I asked. “You were smiling at those kids. Not your camera smile, though. Your real one.”
“You like kids?” Sebastian asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice. “Yeah, I do,” I told him. My mother’s advice flashed through my head again. “But maybe I wouldn’t be a good mom,” I added quickly. Guilt spread through me, as if I had been following through with my mother’s plan unintentionally.
A knot of tension released in my stomach at his smile. Whatever had transpired in the coffee shop seemed to be passing, and I felt a little lighter.
I got a few shots using a tiny remote in my hand, hidden from view. Sebastian put his hands on my hips and leaned in closely, like he always did, which usually came with a lot of awkwardness. But his hands were warm and his body so close.
Sebastian and I literally only touched each other in front of a camera, and only if we were performing. That meant every touch had to look good, not feel good. But this felt a little different. He was tense and my body enjoyed feeling his chest against mine. I almost forgot to snap the photo.
His lips closed over mine and the warmth of his body in the cool fall air gave me goosebumps. I wanted more.
“Okay,” I said. “We’re done. I have all that I need.” Sebastian nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. When he stepped away, I was disappointed.
Despite feeling warm from his touch, I wasn’t exactly ready to go back to our different floors in our home. I wanted to try the food trucks and listen to the music. I wanted to feel like I wanted to be here, not forced to be. “Um, you can go if you want,” I told him. “I’ll Uber home.” “Why?” “Because it looks fun here,”
“Do you want me to leave?” “No,” I said, “but I’m about to try every food truck and explore. I might be here awhile. You’re welcome to join me, but I don’t know if this is something you’ll enjoy.”
For once, I was enjoying his company as well as the sight of him.
After a moment of staring at me, he looked at the beauty around us, as if truly seeing it for the first time. “Maybe . . . maybe I’ll stay. But can we put the camera in the car?” he asked. “I don’t want to use it anymore.” I nodded vigorously. “Yes, please. This thing is heavy.”
“I was serious when I said I was trying everything.” “Oh,” he said. “Isn’t that going to ruin your diet?” I glared at him. “Not that you should be worried about it!” he quickly corrected.
“I don’t like being forced on a diet,” I replied. “I love eating. I’ve been wanting to try everything in Nashville since the moment we arrived. I’ll photoshop every picture if it means I can finally eat a fucking waffle.” “Okay,” he said. “Then we’ll do that. Let’s get everything.” “You don’t have to do this with me, you know.” “I know,” he said, smiling down at me, “but I’ve been meaning to try the food here too.”
“I haven’t known where to begin, and it’s not exactly fun going to new places alone.” “I could go with you,” I said. “If you wanted.” “I’d like that,” he said, smiling again,
“I like the way you think, honey,” he said.
My entire body heated at his use of the pet name he only used during sex, but I walked ahead of him anyway, trying to focus more on the food and less on my husband’s borderline flirtatious words.
“Then we’ll get that.” “We?” “I figure if we’re eating everything, we should probably stick to one item and share it, but we can get our own if you want.”
this was the most couple-like thing we’d ever done with no cameras around us. It didn’t do anything to calm my needy heart.
We waited in line for a few minutes, Sebastian standing close enough that I could feel his body heat next to me. I found myself wanting more of it.
“I’ll get it,” he said, laughing. He took one large bite of food before adding, “You can have the rest of this. I’ll be back with more.” I paused in my eating as I watched him walk off. Was food a love language? Because I was more attracted to him now than I’d ever been.
“I saved you a little,” I said, offering the food back to him. “Really? I thought you’d devour it.” “I’m saving room.” Actually, it was that I was too busy looking at him to remember to eat. If he was making me forget about food of all things, then I was in trouble.
There was a massive dollop of whipped cream on the top that immediately fell on my hand. I licked it up, tongue darting out to catch the sweet liquid. Sebastian’s eyes were on my mouth, and he looked interested.
No one should like me this way, yet I was starting to wonder if he did.
I really needed to get it together before I jumped him in this park. Him on top of me was all I could think of. Maybe he would want something from me. After all, Heather wasn’t in town and hadn’t been for a while. I wasn’t sure if she was moving here, but I hoped not considering how well Sebastian and I were getting along.
It also didn’t help that he was being more expressive. I liked how much he smiled at me and seemed genuinely interested in whatever I had to say. I always thought he was good looking when he was straight faced and serious. But this? It was way worse.
“Lily,” he said, nearly panting, “we’re in public.” “No one’s around,” I replied. “Are you suggesting we continue this here?” he asked. “What’s gotten into you?” “I don’t know. Maybe I like the nerdy guy who’s nice to me.”
“It’s you,” I said, my eyes trailing over his face, “so of course I’d want you, no matter where we are.”
Sebastian looked at me, almost as if he couldn’t believe what we’d just done. I was thinking the same thing.
And not just Heather on her laptop working on something. No, she was in a robe with wet hair and freshly scrubbed skin. I hadn’t heard her come up the stairs to use my bathroom, either, which meant she used Sebastian’s in the master bedroom. My heart dropped.
I knew I’d see her again, but to flaunt their affair so blatantly in my face? This was an insult.
“My husband’s cheating on me,” I admitted lowly. “What? The tall guy at your house?” I nodded. I could feel tears in my eyes. “And I can’t even divorce him.”
Then I saw the pure hope in her face. “Are you trying to . . . befriend me?” “Maybe,” she said, cheeks darkening, “I’ve seen you go on runs. Sometimes you look happy, but other times you look sad. I never see you hanging out with anyone, so I’ve always wondered if you needed someone to talk to. I’d like to be that person.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Maybe I do need to talk.”
“Why did you show me that?” “To show you I’m not lying. About this, at least. I want you to trust me.” “Why?” “Sometimes people have a gut feeling about one another,” she said, shrugging a little shyly.
My last gut feeling was about Sebastian, and it was pretty obvious it hadn’t worked out in my favor. But then again, he was different than I imagined. He was still kind, but he’d been working with Heather for a year before I came along. Maybe he simply met her first. I only wished he were honest about it.
She could make decent money selling this story. She could ruin me if it got out. But a part of me wanted to see it get out. And when the worst-case scenario wasn’t so bad, my walls came down.
“How do you know he’s cheating?” I closed my eyes. “The way he always answers her calls. He even answered them on our honeymoon. I haven’t seen them directly, but you should see the way she looks at him. Plus, this morning she was in our house in a robe, and she’d used his shower.”
“Have you ever considered that maybe this is a misunderstanding then?” I stared at her. Jessie was always so sure Sebastian had someone else. I’d never heard any other perspectives. “I . . . haven’t,” I said,
