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I always imagined they could have a sweet office romance. She was everything I wasn’t. She came into his life organically; I was forced on him. She worked with Sebastian, spending more time with him than I ever could doing a job that he obviously valued. Heather seemed smart and competent. I had to play the airhead rich girl who loved posting about myself on social media.
Sebastian could have someone else, someone he loved and trusted. Someone he connected to. If it was anyone, it would be her.
“Sebastian wanted me to drive his car here. Then I fly back and bring yours.” “Mine?” I asked. “I thought my car was sold?” “Sebastian said you liked your car,” Heather said slowly, sounding confused. “Why would you sell it?”
“But if it is too much, I can fly back and do it.” “No,” Heather said firmly. “Sebastian would kill me if I let his precious wife spend two days driving.” Her voice was hard, her mouth set into a frown. Was she . . . bitter?
As much as I’d love to know why she sounded angry that I was his wife, the last thing I needed was to get into a fight with her. I knew which side Sebastian would take.
“Lily?” Sebastian asked, coming around the corner. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans instead of his usual dress shirt. Of course he would dress down when Heather was here. “You’re back.”
“It sounds like you have this figured out.” “It’s a pretty bed frame, but not practical. Sometimes we have to make it work.” “Yeah, sometimes you do.” The words were quiet, almost as if I wasn’t meant to hear them.
I wanted to ask what plans they had tonight. Was he taking her out to see the city? Was she about to get the food tour I couldn’t have on my stupid, restrictive diet? I shook the thought out of my head. Getting an answer would only make me mad, and I had no room for more anger.
“You’re back,” I said. “You must have been busy.” “Heather had some questions about the move, and there was a lot of traffic.”
“You or I can look at a couch tomorrow.” “I start going back into the office tomorrow to set things up.” My heart sunk at the words. Once he was back at the office full time, I would barely see him. It wasn’t as if things were perfect now, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him shopping with me at Target. But it was going to end. Sebastian didn’t even take weekends off.
The first day we moved was peaceful in a way I didn’t expect, but it seemed like we were slipping back into old habits. Which sucked, considering I’d liked shopping with him.
By the time I woke the next day, things would be back to normal between us. Except now, I didn’t have Jessie to run to when things got hard. I was alone, and I had no idea how I was not only going to survive this year, but escape at the end of it.
Maybe I should have started here. I could tell my mother we didn’t really love each other or ever spend time together. I could say how much I hated the gaudy gold and diamond ring on my finger. I could say I wanted to be my own person and live my own life. But I didn’t.
“I’m just worried. I’ve heard rumors of him and his little assistant, Heather. How do you know he won’t run off with her the first chance he gets?” “I . . . I don’t,” I told her. “But he’s keeping up the pretense of our marriage.”
“Now, all I’m saying is seduce him a little bit. Use your tits while you have them to lure him in. Forget protection and then boom—you’ve got him.” I felt sick. “That’s manipulative, Mom.”
It’s how I got your father. When I met him, I knew he was going to be something someday, and just look at us now.” “You’re telling me I’m a product of entrapment?” I always knew it was a possibility, but hearing it was different than thinking it.
“If you want to do this, you have to appear dumber than him. It shouldn’t be too hard for you.” I didn’t know what to say to that.
I stared at the phone, realizing my worst fears had come to fruition. I was being pushed to trap Sebastian in this marriage with a child. It wasn’t that I never wanted kids—I wanted them with the right person. I didn’t want to parent a child all on my own, and I didn’t want to have to hire help because my husband was married to his office.
I’d killed off my main character’s mother a long time ago, but in my dark mood, I brought her spirit back, only to kill her off again.
The door creaked when I opened it, and Sebastian immediately looked up. I saw him sitting at a new dining room table that I hadn’t bought. He wasn’t even working, only eating. His eyes narrowed at me the moment I walked in. “Where were you?” “Looking for furniture,” I lied. “This late?” Sebastian prodded.
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t believe me. “Do you need anything?” I asked. “No,” he said. “I guess not.” “Good. See you tomorrow then.”
There was no way I could write this novel if I knew Sebastian could walk in at any time. I could maybe squeeze in a few hours in the middle of the day when he was least likely to come home, but I also grew bored of writing in isolation and longed to see people moving around me. Terror clawed its way into my throat. Was I about to lose even more of what freedom I had left?
“Oh, did I bother you?” she asked. “I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to take you away from what you’re working on.” I opened my mouth. I should ask for her name. Maybe I could get to know her. Visions of a new friend danced in my head. They danced for so long that the girl deflated. “I’ll catch you some other time. Again, I’m sorry for bugging you.”
I groaned. Of course I would meet a girl I could be friends with and daydream for so long that she ran away. This was why I didn’t need to be myself. I bet she’d like the shallow, perfect side of me. That Lily would have asked for her fucking name.
I had decided to walk just in case Sebastian was mad that I had been using the rental car. His ire was worrisome, so I figured it would be best if I didn’t use anything he paid for. It usually worked for my parents.
“Hi,” I said meekly, turning the corner. I was once again sweaty, making my face too shiny and my makeup dangerously close to melting off. And Sebastian was mad again.
“Um, I’m sorry. I forgot,” I said. “I was . . . out.” “We know,” Sebastian said, his arms crossed. “I had to leave work to let Heather in while you were . . . doing whatever you were doing.”
“Get a hotel, Heather. I’ll pay for it as usual,” he finally said, breaking the awkward silence. In an instant, my panic was replaced with rage. Did he seriously get a hotel for Heather right in front of me? Was he going straight there, all because I had forgotten his precious assistant was coming with my car that I didn’t even know I would be keeping?
I thought about him treating her in bed like he did me, with soft words and gentle questions on what I liked. I wanted to throw up the very second I pictured it.
“Where were you?” Sebastian asked. It blew out of him so quickly I had to wonder if he had been holding back the words. “This is the third time that you’ve been missing when either I get home, or when Heather is here to drop off your car.”
“Oh, in a new city that you’ve never visited? Have you made ‘friends’ that fast?” He put air quotes around friends, a reference to something I didn’t understand.
“I know no one. But if I don’t know what you get up to when you’re off work, then you don’t get to know what I do.” Sebastian glared, and I could physically see him clenching his teeth.
“Just be sure our parents don’t find out,” Sebastian said, and then he turned to head into the kitchen. At that moment, I should have asked what he meant. But I was too busy trying to figure it out for myself that I lost my chance.
Our clock was ticking, and eventually, this thing would be over, and I’d never see him again. But now I was curious if somehow I’d gotten him wrong.
Miller Industries was known for looking good with nothing behind it. A pretty face with no brain in its head. I suppose the same thing was true for my public persona.
Sebastian and I hadn’t talked since the night Heather was last here. Sometimes, when he thought I wasn’t paying attention, he would look at me with such a resigned, pained expression.
Sebastian had only given me one appreciative look when he saw me. Earlier in our marriage, I used to live for those looks. Now, I wasn’t sure how I felt.
God, I wanted that. I wanted to be soft and carefree. Maybe if I were here on my own, as myself and not Sebastian’s wife, I could be like them. I could see the city and enjoy it.
“You just seem . . . entranced,” he said. “I’ve never seen you look at something like that.” I glanced over at him. He was illuminated in the same light that everyone else was. His features looked so much softer than I was used to. Maybe that was why I didn’t lie. “I am.”
Or maybe it’s that the people seem so genuinely happy. It isn’t like LA where everyone is angry that they’re trapped in the monotonous cycle of traffic, or where they’re all lurking around a corner in an attempt to spot a celebrity. It’s all so different.” Sebastian was staring again, and my cheeks heated when I realized what I’d done. I’d slipped into writer Lily again.
“So, you like it here?” he asked. His voice wasn’t twisted with judgment. It was low. Kind. “I like this. I don’t like that we had to uproot our entire lives on the whim of your father. These people . . . they have their happiness, their own lives.” “And you don’t?” I looked at him, eyes narrowed, because of course I didn’t own my life.
“This contract doesn’t own you,” he added. I laughed miserably. “Then I don’t think you read my copy.” “It couldn’t be that different than mine.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes. He really had no clue.
“The person I am is not someone you’d like.” “I’d like to make that decision myself.”
“You’ve been different here,” he said. “I’ve never heard you talk like this. You’re usually so . . .” “Shallow?” I finished. “Yes,” he said. “It’s like all you needed was the money and fame.” I winced at his words, but I knew that the person he described was the one he married, the one I was pretending to be. “Well, it’s like I said.” I looked at him flatly. “If you think that, then I’m doing my job.”
“Do you not want to go tonight?” “Does it matter?” I asked. “I guess it doesn’t,” Sebastian said, looking back at the wheel, “but if it helps, I don’t want to, either.”
Sebastian climbed out of the car, his eyes forward, as if he was heading to the door. I sighed, figuring he was going inside without me, and I would have to hobble out of the car to attempt to catch up with him. But he walked to the passenger door and opened it, extending a hand like a lifeline.
It could have been a fake gesture of kindness, in case anyone was watching—it’d be weird to see a husband ditching his wife in the car and having her trying to race after him to put on a show for everyone. But I hoped it was more than that, because it gave me a sense of peace I hadn’t yet had in Nashville.
My head was in the clouds, and I found myself leaning more and more on Sebastian as the night went on.
I wondered when he would tell me to get it together or to get off of him, but he never did.
“I think the wife needs food.” I went to shake my head and tell him I was fine, but one of the younger women laughed. “You should try some of the mini tacos, Lily. They’re amazing!” I nodded and had to admit that the thought of any kind of food sounded perfect. I hadn’t eaten all day which had to be why I felt so out of it.
