Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In

by Roger Fisher

Positional bargaining deals with a negotiator’s interests both in substance and in a good relationship by trading one off against the other. If what counts in the long run for your company is its relationship with the insurance commissioner, then you will probably let this matter drop. Yet giving in on a substantive point may buy no friendship; it may do nothing more than convince the other side that you can be taken for a ride. Or, if you care more about a favorable solution than being respected or liked by the other side, you can try to extract concessions by holding the relationship hostage. “If you won’t go along with me on this point, then so much for you. This will be the last time we meet.” While you may extract a concession this way, this strategy often results in lousy substance and a damaged relationship.

Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem. Their thinking is the problem.

Ultimately, however, conflict lies not in objective reality, but in people’s heads.

The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess. It is not enough to know that they see things differently.

Blaming is an easy mode to fall into, particularly when you feel that the other side is indeed responsible. But even if blaming is justified, it is usually counterproductive.

Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not involved in the process, they are unlikely to approve the product.