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personal happiness can manifest as a simple willingness to reach out to others, to create a feeling of affinity and goodwill, even in the briefest of encounters.
happiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events. Success may result in a temporary feeling of elation or tragedy may send us into a period of depression, but sooner or later our overall level of happiness tends to migrate back to a certain baseline.
whether we are feeling happy or unhappy at any given moment often has very little to do with our absolute conditions, but rather, it is a function of how we perceive our situation, how satisfied we are with what we have.
Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare.
our feeling of life satisfaction often depends on whom we compare ourselves to.
we can increase our feeling of life satisfaction by comparing ourselves to those who are less fortunate than us and by reflecting on all the things we have.
the greater the level of calmness of our mind, the greater our peace of mind, the greater our ability to enjoy a happy and joyful life.’
The second, and more reliable, method is not to have what we want but rather to want and appreciate what we have.
the ‘right choice’ is often the difficult one – the one that involves some sacrifice of our pleasure.
But there is a better approach: framing any decision we face by asking ourselves, ‘Will it bring me happiness?’
right now, at this very moment, we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness.
If you maintain a feeling of compassion, loving kindness, then something automatically opens your inner door. Through that, you can communicate much more easily with other people. And that feeling of warmth creates a kind of openness. You’ll find that all human beings are just like you, so you’ll be able to relate to them more easily.
identify and cultivate positive mental states; identify and eliminate negative mental states.
a disciplined mind leads to happiness and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering,
the capacity to bring pleasure to another, the caregiver, is inborn.
Seeing others as basically compassionate instead of hostile and selfish helps us relax, trust, live at ease. It makes us happier.
our task becomes one of discarding the things that lead to suffering, and accumulating the things that lead to happiness.
without the attitude of compassion, if you are feeling closed, irritated, or indifferent, then you can even be approached by your best friend and you just feel uncomfortable.
in many cases people tend to expect the other person to respond to them in a positive way first, rather than taking the initiative themselves to create that possibility.
It occurred to me that virtually every aspect of my life came about as the result of other’s efforts. My precious self-reliance was a complete illusion, a fantasy. As this realization dawned on me, I was overcome with a profound sense of the interconnectedness and interdependence of all beings.
it’s not just a matter of knowing people and having a superficial exchange but of really sharing my deepest problems and suffering.
when I hear good news; I immediately share it with others.
From these intimate attachments a person draws his strength and enjoyment of life and, through what he contributes, he gives strength and enjoyment to others.
The Dalai Lama’s model of intimacy is based on a willingness to open ourselves to many others, to family, friends, and even strangers, forming genuine and deep bonds based on our common humanity.
approaching others with the thought of compassion in one’s mind. That is crucial.
All of us want happiness and do not want to suffer. Looking at others from this standpoint rather than emphasizing secondary differences such as the fact that I am Tibetan, or a different color, religion, or cultural background, allows me to have a feeling that I’m meeting someone just the same as me. I find that relating to others on that level makes it much easier to exchange and communicate with one another.’
greater awareness of other’s suffering can enhance our capacity for compassion.
the more you give others warmth, the more warmth you receive.
if they make their best efforts to be kinder, to cultivate compassion and make the world a better place, then at the end of the day they can say, “At least I’ve done my best!”
Studies have shown that reaching out to help others can induce a feeling of happiness, a calmer mind, and less depression.
if your basic outlook accepts that suffering is a natural part of your existence, this will undoubtedly make you more tolerant towards the adversities of life.
it may help to think of the other people who have similar or even worse tragedies. Once you realize that, then you no longer feel isolated, as if you have been singlepointedly picked out.
All too often we perpetuate our pain, keep it alive, by replaying our hurts over and over again in our minds, magnifying our injustices in the process.
We tend to take small things too seriously and blow them up out of proportion, while at the same time we often remain indifferent to the really important things, those things which have profound effects on our lives and long-term consequences and implications.
although you may not always be able to avoid difficult situations, you can modify the extent to which you suffer by how you choose to respond to the situation.’
problems themselves do not automatically cause suffering. If we can directly address our problem and focus our energies on finding a solution, for instance, the problem can be transformed into a challenge.
at any given moment no matter how pleasant or pleasurable your experience may be, it will not last.
If you focus too closely, too intensely, on a problem when it occurs, it appears uncontrollable. But if you compare that event with some other greater event, look at the same problem from a distance, then it appears smaller and less overwhelming.’
Yet it is the very act of struggling against the resistance that ultimately results in our strength.
it’s the struggle, the process of resolving the conflict with The Enemy – through learning, examining, finding alternative ways of dealing with them – that ultimately results in true growth,
1) I am a human being. 2) I want to be happy and I don’t want to suffer. 3) Other human beings, like myself, also want to be happy and don’t want to suffer. Emphasizing the common ground he shares with others, rather than the differences, results in a feeling of connection with all human beings and leads to his basic belief in the value of compassion and altruism.
Then it’s like going to a restaurant – we can all sit down at one table and order different dishes according to one’s own taste. We might eat different dishes, but nobody argues about it!
the strong determination to change enables one to make a sustained effort to implement the actual changes. This final factor of effort is critical.
no matter what behavior you are seeking to change, no matter what particular goal or action you are directing your efforts towards, you need to start by developing a strong willingness or wish to do it. You need to generate great enthusiasm.
in order to accomplish important goals, we need an appreciation of the sense of urgency,
one day, we may no longer be here. That sort of understanding. That awareness of impermanence is encouraged, so that when it is coupled with our appreciation of the enormous potential of our human existence, it will give us a sense of urgency that I must use every precious moment.’
‘It’s because we simply become habituated or accustomed to doing things in certain ways. And then, we become sort of spoiled, doing only the things that we like to do, that we are used to doing.’ ‘But how can we overcome that?’ ‘By using habituation to our advantage. Through constant familiarity, we can definitely establish new behavior patterns.
by making a steady effort, I think we can overcome any form of negative conditioning and make positive changes in our lives.
drive and determination, not great natural talent, led to their success in their respective fields.
just ‘going through the motions’ and repeatedly engaging in a positive behavior can eventually bring about genuine internal change.
