Epic Fail

by Claire LaZebnik

Everyone at Coral Tree Prep was good-looking. Really. Everyone. I didn’t see a single fat or ugly kid all morning. Maybe they just locked them up at registration and didn’t let them out again until graduation.

“That’s really cute that you call her Jules,” he said and grinned at her. “I like your nickname.” She made a face. “It’s silly, but Elise started calling me that like three years ago and it stuck.” “You have a nickname, too?” he asked me. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to shoot you,” I said apologetically. He nudged Juliana’s elbow with his. “Will you tell me?” “No way. She knows where I sleep.”

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.’”

“Basically it means the world’s a giant shithole, but some of us are capable of imagining something better.”

If I ever found out that Derek Edwards had said or done anything to make my sister unhappy, I would kill him. First I’d kill him, then I’d ground him.

“Every guy seems nice until he’s not.” That was about the bleakest thing I’d ever heard Juliana say.

Hey, maybe the brakes won’t work and the bus will crash and we’ll all die. It was a nice thought, but we arrived safely at the beach a minute later.

“I had to drag him away from her when he first found out—his hands were going for her throat.” “Yeah? Why’d you stop him?” “Not for her sake, trust me. I just didn’t want him to end up in jail.” “You could have let him choke her a little bit,” I said. “Just enough so she couldn’t, you know . . . swallow a Jamba Juice for a week, say.”

“He’s never shown the slightest interest in you before. I mean, he’s never stared at you like you’re the only person in the room when we’re all together. Or sulked around for days because you turned him down for a dance. Or touched the sleeve of your sweater when he thinks no one’s looking—”

Normalcy is a lie invented by advertising agencies to make the rest of us feel inferior.”

I got lost in him, and it was the kind of lost that’s exactly like being found.

“Difficult?” She looked genuinely surprised. “My little Derek? The shyest kid you’ve ever seen, used to hide in my skirt wherever we went. You couldn’t get him to say a word to anyone, and he’d do whatever you told him to. I miss those days.

“But you’ll go out with him again?” “Possibly.” You’ll have to pry me off him with a crowbar.

“Jules,” I said seriously, “I am so totally in love—” She squealed and bounced on the bed.

I ignored her horrified stare, dumped my tray in the trash, and moved into my place at Derek’s other side.

“Did you start to like me because I was mean to you?” He laughed. “Why? Do I seem like a masochist?”