Reckless (Chestnut Springs, #4)

by Elsie Silver

“I think his version of events included an inappropriate comment about being too fertile for any barrier.” A laugh bursts from me. “That absolutely sounds like the way Theo would see it.”

Lol

“Thank you for sharing that story with me, Winter. I can see why you’ve enchanted my boy.”

“Spend more time around Theo, and he’ll show you how.” “That’s what worries me,” I whisper, confessing one of the anxieties I have about Theo Silva. “He just . . . I have a hard time trusting anyone.” I snort and glance up at her. “I’m like a walking, talking daddy issue. And no matter how hard I try not to let my head go back to that place . . . it does.” Loretta nods, her mouth curling into a smile. “As the person who has known him the longest in this life, I’m going to tell you what I know about Theo.” “Okay.”

“Theo loves easily. That’s just his nature. But he doesn’t often love hard. He keeps that part of himself, the one that’s seen loss too, locked up tight where it can’t get hurt. But you, girl? He loves you hard.” I blink, trying to absorb what she’s just told me. “Okay?” She pushes to stand. “Okay,” I reply again.

“I just remembered that he called me the morning after you two first got together. And do you know what he said to me? I shake my head. It’s all I can manage. “He said, ‘Mom, I met her.’ And I said, ‘Who?’” Loretta’s lips curve up, her eyes taking on a faraway look. “He said, ‘The woman I’m going to marry one day.’” I’m frozen in place. How could he possibly know that? Think that? Why would a one-night stand with me be more impactful that a one-night stand with one of the bajillions of random women I’m sure he’s slept with over the years? “I asked him if she knew about this and he laughed and said, ‘Not yet.’”

Crying

As the song changes into a slow dance and he doesn’t let her go, my agitation builds. I shift my weight on the spot. Her eyes search for me, and when she finds me, she smiles. I lean against the bar, bottle of beer in hand, burning lasers into a guy I generally like for daring to dance with the woman I’m in love with while I wait for her to decide if she might like to be in love with me too.

It’s when I feel an elbow against my side that I realize Harvey Eaton has moved in beside me. “Gonna tell you what I told Rhett a couple of years ago when Beau was putting moves on Summer right in front of him.” I snort. “Brave.” Harvey chuckles and takes a swig of his beer, watching them too. “Doesn’t much matter who she’s dancing with when her eyes are on you.”

“Maybe I don’t care. Maybe I want to be messy with you forever.”

“Because I want you!” she shouts, stopping me in my tracks. “And I want this!” Her hand gestures frantically between us. “I want us! And that terrifies me! Because what if it doesn’t work and Vivi is stuck with two parents who hate each other? I know how that goes and it fucking sucks. We like each other right now. I’m finally happy. It feels safe here. I can’t handle another person who hates me.”

“I can. I’ll be too busy loving you.”

“You’d like to be my pretty little slut tonight?”

Oof

“What? You look good with a pearl belt.” My chin juts out at her. “Matches your pearl necklace.”

“What about my panties?” “Oh, yeah. You won’t be needing those anymore.”

“Actually, Kip, I do have a few things to tell you. First, refer to my daughter again as the baby, like she doesn’t have a name, and I’ll fucking lay you out. Second, I’ll be at your office on Monday morning. Bring Geoff. I don’t want to fire you at your daughter’s wedding. It would be in poor taste. Lastly, if you think you deserve to stake some sort of claim on this woman as your daughter, you have some serious soul-searching to do. The girl on the dance floor?” He points over Kip’s shoulder at Summer, who is watching us now. “That’s your daughter. This woman here? She’s Dr. Hamilton until you tuck that scaly fucking tail between your legs and come make amends with her.”

FUCK YEAH

“Now get out of my way, Kip. I want to go home and be with my girls.” Home. My girls.

“Do you like me?” I bark out a laugh in the quiet truck and then stare down at my hands, twisting my fingers together. “I think I more than like you.”

“No, I just don’t want to come between you two. I feel like an interloper in this private world you’ve created. But I just . . . I could stare at her forever. You know? I keep going back to my place at the end of every day, but I feel like I’m in the wrong house.”

Yesterday we spent the day in bed and really dug into those early days. We talked about her parents and her childhood. I cooked. We laughed. She and Vivi napped, and I lay next to them, watching them sleep.

“She never told anyone because everyone always treats her like shit!” My fist slams down hard enough to rattle the table as I let them have it. “Her mom. You. Her shitty fucking ex, who is still harassing her. She’s convinced she needs to do everything alone because that’s what you showed her all her life. That no one will show up for her. That everyone always abandons her.”

FIST PUMP FIST PUMP FIST PUMP

“Except me. I’m going to show up for her. Every goddamn time. So Kip, you’re fired. I used to like you, but I no longer respect you. And Geoff, if I could fire you twice, I would. You fucking suck.”

WOOOOOOOOO

“Wouldn’t be hard to consult my lawyer friend about it. You know Summer Hamilton, don’t you?”

Ooooo

“I get it now. Enjoy my leftovers.”

Fuck this fucking guy

Summer: What. The. Fuck. Is this a wedding gift? Winter: Lmao. It’s the reason I was pissed you weren’t doing a formal gift opening. I wanted to see your face. Summer: Where did you get this? Winter: I found it in a box a long time ago and took it. Summer: THIS IS THE ORIGINAL PAGE? Winter: No. It’s the exact ad you had of Rhett taped to your wall, but blown up, printed, and stretched on canvas. The original is in an envelope taped to the back along with a travel voucher. Summer: We can’t stop laughing! It’s so big! I don’t even know where I’m going to put this. This is the best gift ever! Winter: Hahaha. I’m so happy you both love it. I’d like to suggest above your bed. For old time’s sake. Summer: I am dead. You killed me. Best ever. Summer: *photo of Rhett standing beside the print grinning and giving a thumbs up*

“You miss him? Honestly, same. It’s weird. And confusing.” A hum. “Well, because he’s so handsome, my brain stops working when he’s around. And he’s so sweet my heart forgets it’s been broken so badly in the past.”

“Winter, we are a thing. We are the thing. We are it.”

“My parents. They were always dancing. My dad was a great dancer.”

So cute

“That’s everyone, Tink. You’ve ruined me. Don’t you get it? I only see you. You’ve got all my attention. Every last bit of it.”

I love him

Summer: MORE BABIES! Willa: Is this in reference to Theo just dragging Winter out of here like a horny caveman? Summer: Shit. I didn’t mean to put this in the group chat. Willa: Aww. You guys have a sister chat? Summer: *salute emoji* Sloane: What even is that emoji? It always looks like a dick to the forehead to me. Willa: Sorry, come again? Sloane: Or a side profile of Pinocchio. Summer: Sloane . . . it’s a hand. Saluting. Like YES, SIR! Sloane: Seriously? I’m looking closer now. *salute emoji* Willa: A fucking dick to the face? Pinocchio? There are tiny bumps that show the fingers. Somebody needs to take away your beer. Sloane: Anyway, I hope Winter is taking a dick to the face right now. Willa: Way to change the subject. Sloane: *salute emoji*

I have said it before and I will say it again. I LOVE THIS FRIEND GROUP

Though I can tell she does by the way she clings to me all night. The way she casually swings by the gym while I’m working just to say hi—and glare at my clients.

“Not a chance. You listen to me, Theo Dale Silva. And you listen carefully. You are going to go to whatever shitty little town you need to go to—” “It’s Billings, Montana, Tink.” “The only thing I know about Montana is Yellowstone.” “The National Park?” She scoffs. “No, the show. So you’re going to go to Dutton Ranch or wherever the hell it is, and you are going to kick all their hillbilly asses.”

“You have the strangest way of telling me you ‘more than like me,’ Dr. Hamilton. Aren’t you worried I’ll get hurt?” She waves me off and takes a sip of her coffee. “No. You’re too stubborn. Manifest that shit, Theo. I want you to win. I’ll patch you up myself if you get hurt, and then I’ll tie you onto a bull myself if I have to.”

It hits me in the chest like a battering ram. The reason I don’t want to leave isn’t only because I don’t want to leave Winter. It’s because I’m head over heels in love with this little girl. This little girl who I barely knew a couple of months ago. This little girl who has become my entire world without even trying. The reason I don’t want to leave is that I don’t want to miss anything. A first step. A first word. A first injury. I don’t want to miss a single thing because I’ve already missed so many.

“I really think the plan should be for you to win this year and next year.” Winter hasn’t told me she loves me, but this comment tells me she does. That she wants me to do things that are important to me. That she’ll be here when I do them. That she’s not here to hold me back. That she doesn’t just need me around to help with Vivi—she understands that I need to feel accomplished.

So, I cup my daughter’s cherub cheeks and tell her what my dad used to tell me before he’d leave. The last words he ever said to me.

“Te vivo, baby girl.”

“What does that mean?” “What?” I ruffle Vivi’s hair and push back up to standing. “What you just said to her.” “Te vivo?” Winter nods. “It’s Portuguese. My dad used to say it to my sister and me. Sadly, it’s some of the only Portuguese I know. It means ‘I live you’ or something along those lines.” “You mean I love you?” “No.” I scrub at my stubble and glance down at our daughter, who is now amusing herself by playing her favorite game of fetch with Peter and his miniature rubber chicken. “It means . . . I live you. Like I see you everywhere, you are in everything. Our connection is more than physical.” “Hmm.” Winter sighs, glancing down at our daughter. “I love that. But also . . . why is English the least romantic language in the world? Tell me more things in Portuguese.”

“I wish I knew more. My dad was so focused on immersing himself in North American culture that we really didn’t get a lot of his heritage.” A small frown touches Winter’s face. “That’s a shame. Maybe we can go one day.” “Where?” “To Brazil. Teach Vivi about her grandpa.” No, Winter may not say the words, but she expresses her love in different ways. She embodies it so effortlessly. When I finally pack up to head to the airport that afternoon, I fold her in my arms, kiss her hard, and whisper against her ear, “Te vivo, Winter Hamilton.”

I am not crying I am not crying

I told myself I wouldn’t look back. But when I hear Winter’s voice, all thick and raspy, say, “Te vivo, Theo Dale Silva. Kick some ass this weekend,” I fail miserably. Haven’t been able to keep my eyes off that woman from day one, not sure who I was kidding thinking I’d be strong enough to start now.

Loretta laughs, sitting in the armchair that has become hers. Peter is curled in her lap. The thought of her leaving soon makes my chest hurt. I know she has her own life in Emerald Lake, but she’s filled a gap in my heart these past weeks. She feels like the mom I should have had.

Willa blabs to Loretta about how she met Cade when she dropped her panties in public. “Shh!”

Might reread heartless now I miss them

He better not fucking die on me. The thought jolts me for a minute. It came so easily. So naturally. Like being with Theo is the most obvious thing in the world. Like, of course, we’ll be together. Who the hell else would I be with? Who would put up with my moody ass? Who would love Vivi the way he does? Who would love me the way he does? The answer is no one.

And goddamn, I am so proud. I don’t even know how to react. So I pace, biting my thumbnail while I watch him. Helmet off, eyes on the camera again. He winks. I roll my eyes as I blush.

“Rob wants a paternity test.”

FUCK THIS GUY

“Of course I’d still want to be with Winter. I’ve wanted Winter from the first night I laid eyes on her. I’d still want Vivi too. But I’d be gutted. Winter may have been the one trying to get pregnant for a long time, and I might be the one who stumbled into fatherhood by accident, but I love it, Rhett. I love them.”

I don’t want to do any of it alone. I don’t need to do it alone because, for the first time in my life, I have people who want to be there with me. Everything and everyone around me has changed.

“All the ways I’m going to ruin you tonight. All I see is you, Winter.”

Oof

“There isn’t a chance in the world that man so much as looked at a buckle bunny. Are you really oblivious to how gone he is for you?”

“Alright, I’ll pawn my clients off for the morning and drive you to the airport.” Theo never backed down when I snarled at him. And now I’m going to return the favor. Because he and I? We’re more.

“Because he’s part of our family, no matter how much he reminds me of the weird squirrel from Ice Age. And I like it when he sleeps between my feet, so he’s stuck with me now. Just like you.”

“There are people who need you now. We’re stronger than this. And yeah, I was angry with you. That was a dumb thing to say. But guess what? I’m going to get mad at you from time to time. People who are together get mad at each other. They say shitty things they regret. It’s normal. Being happy-go-lucky Theo, who ticks no one off and never has a bad day, is not normal. You’re allowed to freak out.” She pauses, breathing heavily. “But you have to freak out with me.”