Reckless (Chestnut Springs, #4)

by Elsie Silver

I’ve been called crazy. I guess I’m just crazy enough to want my eight seconds on the frigid ice-queen sister too.” Winter stiffens for several beats and then yanks herself away with a violence that clashes with the peacefulness we had moments ago. “Are you kidding me?” she hisses right as her eyes go dark and turn glassy. “Winter . . .” It was a joke. A bad one. “You are the only person in my life who has never referred to me that way. Sorry, you were the only person.”

We were just talking, laughing. Heading in a good direction. And she’s going to run away from me now? After everything? Nah. Not today, Tink. I stride after her. Agitated. Frustrated. And fucking done with Winter Hamilton running from me.

“I can’t believe I just fucked a bull rider at my sister’s wedding.” With a smile, I pull my pants up and turn to gather a handful of paper towels to clean her off. “Rude. You fucked your baby daddy at your sister’s wedding,

Drunk on the sound of laughter flowing from a woman who has spent far too long feeling sad. I take my time, reveling in being able to touch her so freely. “Are you done?” A sigh leaves me. “I guess so. I want to do this again. The princess version of a sponge bath though.” She peeks up at me through the mirror. “Yeah.” She nods. “Okay.” “Okay,” I agree, with a wink that still makes her blush.

“Has there really been no one else since that night?” Her question stops me in my tracks. “It just seems very unlikely. That’s all. Like borderline not normal. I don’t care. I’d just rather have it all laid out. It’s the secrets that kill me.”

We run into my dad. He steps across the mouth of the hall, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. And my stomach drops. I’m a goddamn adult. His opinion shouldn’t mean shit to me after the absentee role he’s played in my life. But it does. Because I’ve seen how he is with Summer. And it hurts. Because I’m his too. I’ve been here all along, and he pretends I haven’t.

“Actually, Kip, I do have a few things to tell you. First, refer to my daughter again as the baby, like she doesn’t have a name, and I’ll fucking lay you out. Second, I’ll be at your office on Monday morning. Bring Geoff. I don’t want to fire you at your daughter’s wedding. It would be in poor taste. Lastly, if you think you deserve to stake some sort of claim on this woman as your daughter, you have some serious soul-searching to do. The girl on the dance floor?” He points over Kip’s shoulder at Summer, who is watching us now. “That’s your daughter. This woman here? She’s Dr. Hamilton until you tuck that scaly fucking tail between your legs and come make amends with her.”

“Dr. Hamilton, huh?” I murmur as we clear the doors and head into the gravel parking lot. Theo pulls me up to him and slings an arm over my shoulder as he leads us to his truck. All swagger and confidence. All protective and loyal. His mouth drops to my ear and he whispers, “Dr. Hamilton in the streets, filthy slut in the sheets.”

“I don’t want you to stay next door anymore.” “What?” He looks gutted. “No.” I hold a hand up. “I’ve been wording this a million different ways in my head for the past ten minutes. Trying not to sound too bold, but also not wanting to come off indifferent, while worrying about seeming needy. What I meant to say is, I want you to stay with us.” “You do?” I straighten, rolling my shoulders back as I suck in a centering breath. It’s important I’m as honest with Theo as he is with me. “Yes. I’ve grown to hate you being next door when I wish you were next to me. We should try this thing out.”

“Winter.” The cheeky grin I’ve come to love graces his beautiful face. The one that comes right before some punchy little remark. The one that makes me smile before he’s even said a thing. “Do you like me?” I bark out a laugh in the quiet truck and then stare down at my hands, twisting my fingers together. “I think I more than like you.” “Because I’m your baby daddy?” “No.” I meet his eyes at the final red light before we pull up to the house. “Because you make me like myself . . . and you’re the only one who ever has.”

As Theo lifts me out of the truck like I’m a princess and walks me up the front steps to our daughter, I realize that I really, really want this.

He doesn’t treat me like a child or placate me. He doesn’t play stupid, passive-aggressive mind games or gaslight me into agreeing with him the way Rob always did. He let me struggle in the deep end with figuring out what I want and was there. There to lend a hand. There to step in when I was too tired to keep myself afloat. Theo hasn’t overstepped or tried to control me. He fit himself into my chaotic dynamic without complaint. I’m not sure if he did that on purpose, or if it just happened naturally, like it always has with us.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, smiling against his lips while his hands slide over my ass. But only for a moment. Because we both hear it and freeze. My head tips back on a groan. “Why is she so mellow all day and then so sensitive at night?” Theo pecks my mouth quickly and smiles. “To intentionally terrorize you, most likely.”

“I wish I’d been there.” God. My chest caves in on itself in a Theo-shaped hole. “I feel like I’ve missed so many moments that I’ll never get back.” My hand squeezes in a pulse on his wrist. “You won’t, but you’ll get new ones.”

“She’s perfect, right?” I rest my chin on his shoulder. “Perfect.” His finger traces her nose, over her pudgy cheek, and around the shell of her ear. “I put a toothbrush out for you in the bathroom.” “Okay,” is his quiet reply, but he makes no move to leave his spot on the bed. We stare at her for I don’t know how long. Then I watch him lift her and get a close-up view of him dusting a soft kiss to her forehead.

My eyes grow heavy as soon as I go horizontal, but the click of Theo flicking the bathroom light off draws me back to waking. He just stands there—untucked dress shirt, chiseled jaw, furrowed brow—staring at the bed like he’s confused about what to do next. “Theo. Come to bed.” “Really? With both of you?” Insecurity flashes on his face. “Yeah.” I pat the pillow. “She’s probably going to kick you all night. It’s not as adorable as you think.” With a nod, he removes what’s left of his suit,

His broad palms encase her tiny ribcage, and her head rests right where I know she must be able to hear his heart beating. I laid my head there once, almost two years ago. I remember trying to catch my breath, trying to wrap my head around how someone I barely knew could make me feel so good. So relaxed. But this is different. This is better.

Winter: Please don’t do something that will land you in prison. Theo: Can’t make any promises. Winter: Please? I’d still bail you out, but I’d be mad at you. Theo: You being mad at me gets me hard. Angry sex is fun. This is not a deterrent. Winter: Maybe I wouldn’t bail you out at all. Theo: Nah. You’d miss my dick too much. Winter: No. I’d miss *you*.

“Winter never told me.” “She never told anyone because everyone always treats her like shit!” My fist slams down hard enough to rattle the table as I let them have it. “Her mom. You. Her shitty fucking ex, who is still harassing her. She’s convinced she needs to do everything alone because that’s what you showed her all her life. That no one will show up for her. That everyone always abandons her.”

He scoffs, giving me an exaggerated once-over with an almost impressive level of fake bravado. “I get it now. Enjoy my leftovers.” He tosses the envelope out the window, and it sails past me. I make no move to pick it up. I’m too busy smiling at Dr. Rob Valentine. “She’s no one’s leftovers, and I’ve been enjoying her since before you ever saw the divorce papers, buddy.”

“Winter, apologize for him again, and I’ll take you over my knee.” Her eyes widen, and I reach for Vivi. I need a hug after the last few hours and something about a squishy baby just hits different. The way she rakes her fingers through my stubble. The way she smells. The way she babbles away at me like I understand her happy little nonsense language.

“Honestly, we kind of missed you.” “We?” I quirk a brow as I approach her. “Did Vivi tell you that?” She rolls her eyes at me. “No.” “So, how do you know?” I tower over her now, waiting for her to turn her face up to mine. I’m trying not to get my hopes up that she might give me a little something today. On a day when I need it. Her chin tips up, blue eyes so crystal clear, a light shimmer of gloss on her lips. “Okay. Fine. I missed you,” she confesses. And then she hugs me.

“Da. Da,” I try again. She smiles and points at me. “Mama.” My responding grin is automatic. Mama. Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself. I wanted this so badly for so long that it hardly feels real.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you working?” “Yeah, but then I saw you. Didn’t know you were here. And I wasn’t going to keep going without coming over to say hi to my girl.” I turn and finally make eye contact. “Am I?” “Are you what?” “Your girl?” “That’s what I keep trying to tell you. I need to get your hearing checked. Take you and Peter to the vet once and for all.”

His firm fingers grip my chin and turn my face back to him. “Winter, we are a thing. We are the thing. We are it.” And then he kisses me. In the middle of the gym. When he should be paying attention to the girl with the even boobs. He finds me. He kisses me. He belongs to me. I thought I had that once when I didn’t. But the man who is kissing me now? Out in the open for longer than is appropriate? He is not the same man. He’s a better one.

“One dance.” How did I let him talk me into coming here after our beautiful steak dinner? The Railspur is a big country bar in town. It has elevated western vibes with industrial fixtures and warm wood finishings. It’s also packed. “Theo.” He said he wanted to show me off. That’s how. And I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker. “Winter.”

I straighten. “New rule, you only train people who are less pretty than me.” His eyes do a dramatic roll. “That’s everyone, Tink. You’ve ruined me. Don’t you get it? I only see you. You’ve got all my attention. Every last bit of it.” “Me?” “Yeah. You and your snarky one-liners.

Sloane: Seriously? I’m looking closer now. *salute emoji* Willa: A fucking dick to the face? Pinocchio? There are tiny bumps that show the fingers. Somebody needs to take away your beer. Sloane: Anyway, I hope Winter is taking a dick to the face right now. Willa: Way to change the subject. Sloane: *salute emoji*

“No one has ever made me feel so good. Like I don’t need changing or fixing. Like I don’t need saving. Everything is so rushed with us sometimes. I just want to savor you for a minute.”

I feel my body clamp down hard on him. I feel him pulse inside me. My body tingles in parts I’ve never even noticed. I feel everything. And when he gathers me against his chest, I feel loved.

They don’t know we’re doing so much more than making out. Or that what happened between us here tonight felt like so much more than sex.

Theo: How’s your bath? Winter: Good. Theo: Just good? Winter: It was peaceful until you texted me. Theo: What are you doing? Winter: Enjoying myself. Go away. Theo: Send me a pic and I’ll leave you alone. Winter: What will you do with it? Theo: Frame it.

I get to my knees and squeeze her in a hug. She squirms when I blow a raspberry on her neck. “Oh my god.” Winter is staring down, pride and horror warring on her face. “What?” “I’ve been so excited for her to walk. It’s like I failed to realize how fucked I’m going to be when she can. Like . . . how do you control a human with no sense of self-preservation who can walk? Run? Let alone ride a bull.” I can’t help it. I laugh. “It’s not funny, Theo! She’s already got this nutso Silva streak in her. Did you not see her the other day? I turned around for like ten seconds and she used a chair to climb up onto the counter.”

And slowly but surely, I’ve moved my things over to this house. Winter is funny. Now and then, she empties a drawer and leaves it open. A silent invite to move more of my stuff. It’s like she still can’t bring herself to believe that this whole thing with us is real, that this is something bigger. Though I can tell she does by the way she clings to me all night. The way she casually swings by the gym while I’m working just to say hi—and glare at my clients.

So you’re going to go to Dutton Ranch or wherever the hell it is, and you are going to kick all their hillbilly asses.” I cross my arms and shift over to prop a hip against the counter and face her. “Is that so?” “Yeah, that is so. Because you can wipe the floor with them. And you want it bad enough to make it happen. And I don’t want to tell Vivi someday that her dad gave up on his dreams because her mom became terribly needy and codependent.”

She points down at Vivi, who is staring up at me with impossibly big brown eyes, facial expression awed like I hung the moon. It hits me in the chest like a battering ram. The reason I don’t want to leave isn’t only because I don’t want to leave Winter. It’s because I’m head over heels in love with this little girl.

“We’re going to be good. We’re going to be so happy when you get back. But we’ll survive without you. You need to do this. You’ll regret not doing this.” I blink. “What if I don’t win this year? Then I’ll be gone next year too.” “Then we’ll be here waiting for you to get home next year too. I’m dreading going back to work too. But the world doesn’t stop. Dreams don’t evaporate. We’re going to figure this out.” She swallows, her throat working. I can tell she’s not done but is having an internal pep talk with herself to get the words out. “As a family.”

I cup my daughter’s cherub cheeks and tell her what my dad used to tell me before he’d leave. The last words he ever said to me. “Te vivo, baby girl.”

When I glance up at Winter, her head tilts. “What does that mean?” “What?” I ruffle Vivi’s hair and push back up to standing. “What you just said to her.” “Te vivo?” Winter nods. “It’s Portuguese. My dad used to say it to my sister and me. Sadly, it’s some of the only Portuguese I know. It means ‘I live you’ or something along those lines.”

When I finally pack up to head to the airport that afternoon, I fold her in my arms, kiss her hard, and whisper against her ear, “Te vivo, Winter Hamilton.”

I told myself I wouldn’t look back. But when I hear Winter’s voice, all thick and raspy, say, “Te vivo, Theo Dale Silva. Kick some ass this weekend,” I fail miserably. Haven’t been able to keep my eyes off that woman from day one, not sure who I was kidding thinking I’d be strong enough to start now.

Winter: Good luck tonight. Break a leg. Theo: That’s not always the best thing to say to a bull rider, Tink. Winter: I didn’t say break a clavicle. Theo: Hilarious. Winter: If you win, I’ll give you road head next time we go out. Theo: This brand of motivation REALLY works for me. Winter: Lol. Awesome. And Theo? Theo: Yeah? Winter: I miss you.

“Good,” I say as a man I don’t know gets bucked into the dirt like a lawn dart. “Winter, you scare me.” Sloane laughs. Theo has been gone for two days and I’ve been playing it cool. But I’m a barrel of nerves over his first competition back. My ability to turn anything into a competition has really come out to play by dating an athlete.

I turn my attention back to the TV and end up kneeling on the floor behind Vivi. “Look.” I point to the TV. “There’s Daddy.” Her head turns, and I swear she peers a little closer.

No one will ever show up for me the way he has—protect me the way he has. I know it because it’s taken me thirty-one years to find someone who will. What more proof do I need?

And goddamn, I am so proud. I don’t even know how to react. So I pace, biting my thumbnail while I watch him. Helmet off, eyes on the camera again. He winks. I roll my eyes as I blush. As my stomach flips and butterflies erupt in my chest. Maybe he was winking for the fans, but it feels like he was winking for me.

I scoop Vivi up and head to the living room where the TV is still paused on a shot of Theo, sitting up on the fence panels. I stare at the playful grin on his handsome face, the hand swiping through his hair. Vivi points. “Dada!” I search her face. “Seriously? Now you say it?” She blinks. I point at the TV. “Who is that, Vivi?” “Dadadadada.” With a grin, I flop onto the couch, lift my shirt for her, and call Theo back.

The entire world stills around me and I stop in my tracks. Winter is standing in the hallway, with a duffel bag slung over her shoulder, eyes narrowed like she might strangle me with her gaze alone. In contrast, Vivi is smiling at me from her stroller, Peter’s rubber chicken in her hand. And when I look lower, Peter is attached to the end of a leash, trembling, like always. “Da!” My head snaps back to Vivi, who is pointing at me. “Dadadadada.” “Did she just say ‘dad’?” Winter’s hip cocks out, her pearly-white fingernails tapping on her bicep.

“You don’t get to shut it down for a night, Theo!” she shouts. “You got to ditch your phone once before and that really fucking sucked for me. I should have showed up then and demanded you pay attention to me. But I didn’t. So I’m here now, demanding you pay attention to me.”

“I’m sorry.” My voice cracks when I drop my head. “You have to freak out with me because I need you. And I love you. I love you so much it paralyzes me to think of carrying on without you. You’re not allowed to shut me out. Because you made me need you, and now you have to deal with the consequences.”