Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

by Lori Gottlieb

“Greg made me feel like I was the most wonderful woman in the world,” she said. “So then I started thinking, ‘If I’m so wonderful, maybe I should be with someone better.’”

Somehow, post-Jane Austen, it’s become shameful for a woman to admit how lonely she is and how strongly she wants to be part of a traditional family. What kind of educated, sophisticated modern woman with an active social life has time to be lonely?

My 29-year-old colleague Haley told me that while she’d like to go through life with a partner, she doesn’t want to have to change for anyone. But is that empowerment or inflexibility? Isn’t change integral to compromise and being in a mature relationship? Has “girl power” made us self-absorbed, poor partners?

it’s not about changing the other person; it’s about accepting things about the other

His point was that if you have everything you need in a relationship, but you’re just not feeling it anymore, maybe you’re focusing too much on whether you’re in love (the noun) and not making enough of an effort to love (the verb) your partner. There’s an aspect of love (the verb) that’s a choice.

The question you have to ask is, ‘Do I like it?’ instead of ‘How does it compare to what I thought I wanted?’ People can surprise you.”