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Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama

Alison Bechdel

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Why we're reading this: There's already one Bechdel suggested. While Fun Home deals with Bechdel's father, this one is about her …more
[close] There's already one Bechdel suggested. While Fun Home deals with Bechdel's father, this one is about her mother and Bechdel's "comming of age" as independent and gay. It's also full of quotes from Winnicott and other psychologists, one can compare it a bit with Woody Allen gone less distanced.

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What Members Thought

Aug 15, 2013 treehugger rated it really liked it

Shelves: could_use_a_reread, women, memoir, non-fiction, read_2014, lesbian-or-lgbt-lit-or-author, graphic-or-comic

Update, April 2015: 8 months after original reading, I'm still thinking about this book. So I upgraded it from 2 stars to 4 stars, 'cause like it or not, that's a book that made an impression, and I'm still ruminating on it.

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OK, lots and lots of thoughts after binging on this book for the last 2 days. I can't say I ENJOYED this book. It's kind of dense and refers more deeply to Update, April 2015: 8 months after original reading, I'm still thinking about this book. So I upgraded it from 2 stars to 4 stars, 'cause like it or not, that's a book that made an impression, and I'm still ruminating on it.

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OK, lots and lots of thoughts after binging on this book for the last 2 days. I can't say I ENJOYED this book. It's kind of dense and refers more deeply to psychoanalysis, Virginia Woolf and Winnicott than I was able to relate to. It truly is almost painfully introspective at times, but for someone who is often an over-analyzer of just about everything, myself included, it was a good reflection for me.

Another reviewer said this: "Alison Bechdel is such a genius that I kind of just can't even deal with it, and this book is incredible in so many ways. I'm not sure I would've felt this way if I hadn't read Fun Home first, though; there's an analogy to be made between initially unappealing sex acts and a plotless, ultra-meta comic memoir about object relations theory that is an extremely detailed and specific examination of a woman's relationship with her mother. If this had been my first date with Alison Bechdel I might've jumped up, grabbed my clothes, and run out of her room. As it was, though, we'd had such an amazing time together and I was already sort of in love with her, so I was willing to follow this book to places I otherwise wouldn't have been ready to go."

I think maybe part of why I didn't LOVE this book is the teasers relating to her father about which I had no working knowledge. And the object relations theory was....harrowing. The 300+ pages of this book also seemed to say a lot of things, but NOT FEEL a lot of things - does that even make sense? Like, I found myself getting bored while she talked about these wrenching therapy sessions that didn't even come close to engaging my sensitive little soul in any sort of empathy. And the sections from the psychoanalysis literature was just perhaps over my head, but they seemed to last too long, be too pervasive, and add distance between Bechdel and her reader (when the whole point of writing a memoir is to create the possibility of connection between author and reader...at least IMHO.)

And you know what? It's just a little awkward how she continues to engage so closely (daily!?!?) with a mother who clearly takes more than she gives - masochistic seems almost appropriate here, especially when you consider the (OVER A DECADE) of therapy she endured to try to deal with this fraught relationship. And talk about talking to her mother ABOUT THIS BOOK, which is about her mother and their relationship...just a little icky feeling. Add to that the ?tiny bit inappropriate? relationship with her therapist "Jocelyn" (that made me cringe a lot - the "I know you love me" and "I think you're adorable" crap - that's not what she was paying you for!!).

There were some moments of real clarity for me as I was enjoying her casual drawing style, different (physical) perspectives, remembering some of the past hurts between she and her mom....I can tell you some of the weirdest, smallest exchanges I had with my mom, as early as age 3, that stick with me to this day and have shaped some of my internalized self-disgust, self-doubt, and anxiety about life in general and being lovable in particular. For this reason, the "you're old enough to not need goodnight kisses" at age 7 bit sort of hit home.

All in all, I probably need to give this one another read. And I need to read Fun Home to get more perspective. But I still may find myself wanting to skip over some of the overly involved psychobabble and self-involved therapeutic "breakthroughs" - I love a good therapy session myself, but can't quite stomach rehashing 10 years of some other, equally damaged queer lady's baggage. ...more

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May 11, 2012 Tammy rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read-in-2012

This one is hard. It delves deeply inside Bechdel's head and has a bit of an academic feel to it. After I finished it, I wanted to do two things: (1) given Bechdel a very long hug and (2) write. The latter is what puts it in my five-star category. ...more

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Sep 23, 2012 Naomi rated it it was ok

After loving Fun Home, I was pretty disappointed with this book. It was more a book about wanting to write a book, which didn't accomplish much for me. As a diary of psychotherapy over the course of one's life, I was also disappointed. I was particularly irked that she formed so many of her relationship decisions based on psychotherapists whose ideas have been widely discredited. It made me take the whole endeavor less seriously. ...more

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Jun 17, 2012 Suzanne rated it liked it

Shelves: books-i-own, book-club

If you read one Alison Bechdel book (and you should!), make it Fun Home. If you read two Alison Bechdel books, add Are You My Mother? in there, too, but your priority should definitely be her first graphic memoir. While I adored Fun Home and found it very compelling and accessible, Are You My Mother? delved too deeply into the world of psychoanalysts and their theories, and I often found myself tuning in and out to the story. The story did act as an interesting complement to Fun Home, in that th ...more

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Feb 05, 2022 Cindywho rated it really liked it

Shelves: graphic_novel, biography__memoir

It's been a long time since I read Fun House and I was happy to get into another memoir by Bechdel. This one goes slow and deep into her relationship with her mother and her psychoanalysts along with her study of psychoanalysis that is part of figuring herself out. I read it in chapter doses because each one was so touching. Usually memoirs that read as therapy sessions don't work for me, but this one did. ...more

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Aug 12, 2012 Jessica Haider rated it liked it

Shelves: lgbtq, memoir, graphic-novels

3.5 Stars for this graphic novel memoir. It's very introspective and meta. For a good portion of this book she writes about the process of writing this book. ...more

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