Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life in Book Riot's Read Harder Challenge

Aug 12, 2019 Sarah rated it really liked it

Shelves: american-nonfiction, nonfiction, feminism, sexuality

So, being a high school teacher has produced many unexpected results for me, but one of the more unexpected is the degree to which I have a) been infuriated with the state of sex ed (not just here, but everywhere), particularly what girls are taught, and that boys are taught basically nothing; and b) started to seriously contemplate becoming a community sex educator at some point in my future career pursuits. It is with that rage-motivation that I picked up this book and intend to pick up more. ...more

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Jan 23, 2020 Heidi rated it it was amazing

Shelves: audiobook, current-events, nonfiction, pop-science, improvement, narrated-by-author, women

I had heard interviews with the author which I felt were really useful, so I read the book. It's also very useful, though I think the interviews covered the area I was most interested in. It's geared towards women with sex life concerns, which wasn't exactly my interest but it was full of useful information on things like sexual interest as a combination of brakes & accelerator, the importance of context in female sexual arousal, and some basic anatomy.
It starts with a nice overview of anatomy I had heard interviews with the author which I felt were really useful, so I read the book. It's also very useful, though I think the interviews covered the area I was most interested in. It's geared towards women with sex life concerns, which wasn't exactly my interest but it was full of useful information on things like sexual interest as a combination of brakes & accelerator, the importance of context in female sexual arousal, and some basic anatomy.
It starts with a nice overview of anatomy and sexual development, goes into the history of the study of sexuality, and then into different kinds of issues which she uses composite characters to represent. These are characters like a mom who is trying to regain her sexuality during a stressful period, a middle-aged partnered lesbian who had repressed her own sexuality, a sexually driven grad student with a partner with a different sexual style and a few others. She introduces concepts simply, and then extends them in more detail in further chapters. Each chapter has tl;dr sections and she introduces it in a way intended for people to be able to skip to the sections that are more applicable to their concerns.

I was a little disappointed that she didn't go into more detail about the way hormones travel through the body and are absorbed, because that was the part I loved in the interview, but she did discuss it to some extent - as it applies to sex. I was interested in how it applies the rest of the time, but I'm sure it's similar. The stress cycle and the need to release stress before people can move on to other hormonal responses was nice and clear - and I'm interested in reading her next book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle which I'm guessing goes into more detail about it. It was also interested to hear about the difference between sexual expectation and arousal - how a body can begin preparing for sex while not actually wanting sex for both men & women. That section had a nice rant against "50 Shades of Gray" which I appreciated.

Highly recommend for women, or people who have sex with women, who want to know more about how sex works or have a specific issue they'd like to address.

Read as an audiobook through SF Public Library. ...more

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Nov 05, 2021 Elizabeth rated it liked it

I may come back to this and try again later. The first part was FASCINATING: science-y and relevant and interesting. As the book progressed, though, I found myself connecting less and less with the material. Some chapters I skipped altogether. The book is very well-researched and extremely educational- I think I would adore Dr Nagoski as a professor. Reading this book, though, started to feel like taking a required class.

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