Rita’s Comments (group member since Jul 23, 2010)

Rita’s comments from the Unlocking Books group.

Jennifer wrote: "I can visualize the response of the onlookers as a reindeer enters the show ring. It made me chuckle."

How disappointed she was that Santa came to claim her Rudolph! It would have been a great show.

Ashley wrote: "Rita--I thought your story was cute. I love the image you gave us last. "A man leaned against the fence. Black leather jacket, a motorcycle helmet under one arm, white beard tumbling down his chest like Dumbledore’s." That was sooo cool!"

Thanks, Ashley! I was trying to picture what Santa does during his off season. I imagined him traveling the world on a Harley, talking and meeting people, stopping at cafe's and sharing a meal and conversation with strangers. And along the way, he stops to pick up his reindeer.

Stephanie wrote: "All right then. How long before it'll take effect?"

OK, let's see if this works yet. I'll write something, and let's see if you can translate...

"Hi, how are you?"

Could you read that?

Just eat this freshly made brownie with its oooey gooey chocolateyness. And don't ask me what else is in it.

My translator microbes figured it out for me.

I think she meant "story" in the "Comments and Details" section of the poll.

Makani wrote: "I liked Feather it has animals"

Thank you for liking my story, Makani. I like animals too. I did a lot of research to make sure I got hawk behavior correct.

I had originally intended that the girl would be captured and the boy hawk would save her, but when I learned that the evidence that hawks mate for life is that the female hawk will defend her mate for many years to come, I decided she should save him.

Makani wrote: "Vegetarian Tigers
by Makani, age 9"

Your story was so cute. I loved the Christmas fairy cat who saved the day.

My favorite part of your story:

I walk home, my head low. I try to sleep. I can't. The respected-zebra asks me: Will I revenge my mother Dragonosa Pureblood?

After pondering the idea in my head for a while, I say, "Yes."

Jennifer wrote: "All in the Family"

The mystery at the beginning really grabbed my attention. I wanted to know what had happened to her and the secrets behind the necklace.

I also liked the idea behind your story. Wish it could have been longer. I'd like to know what happened next.

Stephanie wrote: "Winter Nightmare"

Wow, Stephanie. You have mastered the sense of horror in this story.

Loved these lines:

Lightning flashed. Smoke appeared in the air in front of him. It billowed upward into a vertical shape then slowly filled out width wise until it became the size of an average man. Shapes appeared in the smoke and formed until the skeleton of a man could be seen. Then, slowly, clothes shaped over the skeleton and skin appeared onto his face and arms. Everything was there, the bones, clothes, skin, and nose. But the eye sockets remained just as empty as they had been before.

Great description.

Ashley wrote: "Angel’s Wings By Ashley Lavering"



Ashley, I thought your story was well done. My favorite lines:

"My heart ached remembering his deep blue Milky Way eyes that enveloped me in the cloak of his galaxy. How my blood rushed as his cloud-like lips had touched mine, deepening into breath-catching storm. That night, I’d soared the heavens in my dreams..."

I thought the galaxy metaphor was well done.

A New Year's resolution is about what you want to change in your life, but a goal is the next stepping stones in the path you already travel. Both are good to set at the beginning of the year.

What are your goals and resolutions for the year 2012?

It's a good lesson as a writer to learn what about an opening grabs a reader's interest.

What I liked about how "Seduction of a Siren" opened:

In the first paragraph, we got a heavy dose of here and now, which is an important part of a story's opening, plus we have a mystery on his hands. Plus

I've noticed that stories that engage all of the reader's senses are more ensnaring than most others (i.e. Poison Study had a powerful pull because of the strong use of taste throughout the story as Yelena learned to recognize poisons by taste.) Being kissed awake ranks up there as

But then there is the mystery of who is this kisser. How did she come to be kissing him while he was asleep? Why is she kissing him? That mystery is what made me want to keep reading. I wanted to know who she was and how this situation came to be.

Not to mention that the authors (Lani Woodland and Melonie Piper) managed to bring out some basic information about our character so that we could easily identify with him--(1) his name is Jason Holden, (2) he's single, and (3) he was recently dumped by a girl named Becky.

For opening lines, this story gets 5 stars.

What do you think about this opening paragraph?

"Seduction of a Siren" is the first story in the YA paranormal anthology Transcendent: Tales of the Paranormal.

Opening lines:
JASON HOLDEN DECIDED being kissed awake was far superior to an alarm clock. It would be perfect—if he knew whose lips were on his. It couldn’t be Becky’s because she recently dumped him for Trevor, the idiot varsity basketball star. And since no one had rushed forward to claim Becky’s place, he couldn’t imagine who his kisser could be.

I loved these lines. But I have to run to put a kid to bed. I'll come back and say why as soon as I tuck her in.

Another big giveaway for the Transcendent release: http://afantasyfiction.blogspot.com/2...

24 prizes, and all you have to do for a chance to win is post your name and contact information

Who is your favorite character? What was it about them that you loved so much?

Nice article, Stephanie. You raise some wonderful questions about how to write loveable characters. In fact, I think we need a thread about it here on this group.

I'm not sure I have an exact list, but I know some that would be on it:









Hmm, I'm not sure if I've read that many YA books this year, but the White Cat series and the Gray Wolf series is high on my list.

What were your favorite YA books in the last year? Not just the latest books that came out, but of all the books you read.