Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten)’s Comments (group member since Jun 14, 2009)

Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten)’s comments from the all things supernatural group.

Okay, well we can do that if it's something you'd like to see on here....

Well, i have really got to go now. I hope you liked my suggestions and good-luck with your story....

take care and ttyl....
xoxo

No problem.
I just don't want to come across like i'm telling you what you have to do, or make you seem like you have to change everything....

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Oh okay! thanks! This is really helping!"

That's ok. Like i told you in the beginning, i'll be honest and help you any way i can. If i give you advice and suggestions you can actually work on, it's heaps better than just telling you it's good and nothing else.

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Okay, well I'm glad. Because I really do like the storyline I have in mind. And I do want to continue. I just have a constant thought in my head that it sucks!"

It doesn't. Yes, it's raw and yes, you need to work on a few things, but you know that and your fixing what you need to. There's a lot of things you can add as you go to make it better.
Plus, sometimes it's good to read over chapters and constantly check/change grammar and paraphrasing all the time. That way you fix the things that needs fixing....

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Oh okay. Thanks! :D

So just really make it clear that she is questioning it?"

Exactly! Make sure SHE knows that she should be feeling differently. That she doesn't accept it as normal. As long as the actual character knows that what she's feeling is not right, the reader will understand that it will be explained later on.

Some writers don't kinda hint enough that there is an actual reason, so people kinda think "god, this girl is annoying. She should care more about her sisters death" kinda thing, instead of realising that it plays a part in the story later on.....

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Rachel wrote: "I had a look. It's better, but you may want to check chapter 3 too.
I'll show you a little bit...

You have:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Ch..."

You're welcome! And really don't worry about it. I was the same when i was just beginning....lord, you should have seen some of my paraphrasing and grammar *shudder* but you'll get better. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and before you know it you'll be doing it automatically....

I remember that part, but don't forget we've discussed this between us, so i know all this. Random people who stumble across it won't, so sometimes you have to make it extra clear. Put it across heaps of time in the lead up....

I had a look. It's better, but you may want to check chapter 3 too.
I'll show you a little bit...

You have:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Chace. "Did you find it?" I shook my head. "I looked everywhere but there's no sign of it. Why is it so im..." "That's not important to YOU! You just need to decide. And soon Allie! The sooner the better." I tried to make a joke. "Why is there like a bomb or something?" And I failed miserably. "Don't joke. And no there isn't a bomb." He started muttering things to himself then.




What would be easier to read/understand:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Chace.
"Did you find it?"
I shook my head. "I looked everywhere but there's no sign of it. Why is it so im..."
"That's not important to YOU! You just need to decide. And soon Allie! The sooner the better."
I tried to make a joke. "Why is there like a bomb or something?" And I failed miserably.
"Don't joke. And no there isn't a bomb." He started muttering things to himself then.

Can you see the difference? I'm not trying pick it apart, but people will be much more interested if they don't have to think so hard about who's saying or doing what....

I think it is. I saw that you're going for mysterious, so i'm expecting that you won't give a lot away in the beginning.
The only other thing i'd watch out for is how you show Ally deal with her sisters death and her grief. If she accepts things too easily and it doesn't seem like she's questioning this at all people will often find it not believable....

So i read your writing....
I suggested something that may help make things easier on the reader....

Not so bad. I'm trying to figure just what i want to happen, but i know it'll take me a while for that to happen.
Thanks =)

Lol, cool.

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

Gah, i'm back if your still there??

Not a problem!

I get that....sometimes you just don't feel like writing, even though you know that you really should ;)
I started the sequel to Destined at the beginning of the month, and i've written like, a chapter. Still working out storyline and character interactions and all that myself, but i just haven't been really motivated.
Awesome! It's gonna flow for you if you've already got such a great handle on it.

Ah, i g2g how, but i might be back soon, maybe, maybe not.

If you're still on i'll talk to you then, but if not....take care and we'll talk soon.
bye!

So, i'll have a look at your story, but now right now cos i have to get off soon. But i will look, promise!
So how are you going with it? Is the storyline coming to you?

Me too. I'm thinking there is gonna be some heart ache involved, although i'm still praying that at the very end Rose and Dimitri get their happy ever after....

Hey, i just got back on

Ah, yes, i'm yet to get that book. I'll buy it eventually....

Sure i can do that when i have time....

Um, we're about to have dinner so i g2g, but i'll be back in like 10 mins if your still here