C.B.’s Comments (group member since May 01, 2015)

C.B.’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

S.J. wrote: "Hmmm, not too keen on having the same tagline as a video game. (not that I have anything against video games) "

They heavily promoted that line, it was everywhere for a few months, which is why I recognized it instantly. When I google that phrase it shows up in the top slot.

Reason enough to not use that one!

^-^

Fun Fact: Gray tends to be the hardest colour on a wide format printer (posters, banners, billboards).

Fleshtones are often lacking in magenta in cmyk and have too much yellow / green. Try changing those bars slightly in your graphics program.

Maybe take a few different versions of your cover to a local print shop (or your home printer). Try one just as it was and compare it to the cover. Hopefully it is close to Createspace's colours so you can modify it from there. Cheaper and faster at least if it works.

Also try opening it on a different computer to see what it looks like.

Can you take a picture of it / post what it should look like? That would help!

:)

#4 is the Tagline for many things already. I know it is the tagline for the video game Heavy Rain. Personally, I would avoid it.

#3 is the one I like. It is asking me to find out why the dreams do not come true.

Oh, never mind. I just got the last line! :D

Much better! Punchy and it evokes much more mystery now!
I really like it now.

I don't understand the last sentence hook though. It may need a rewording. :)

Lisa wrote: "Thanks Riley. I'm hoping I'm small peanuts enough not too worry about the celebs coming after me, but I used the pics in moderation and made sure I put photo credits."

Small peanuts or not - just skip the hassle and don't use them. It was actually sort of strange seeing famous people in there, to be honest. Find a good stock photo of a witchy woman that hasn't been downloaded thousands of times, and go with it full tilt!

I watched this just now and personally I did find it a little on the long side.

I was doing some research for possibly making my own book trailer, and I found that they should be about 30-45 seconds long, maybe up to a minute at most. Just like a movie trailer. Get us interested, tell us a snip of the plot and focus on that.

The beginning, with the date ending up 'dead' for example - would probably be enough for the entire trailer. It is a hook, it is a good hook, and we only need one hook. A witch has a date show up dead - that is an amazing hook, so just focus on that!

Hook idea -> Hook question -> buy it here. Just like a commercial!

Good luck Lisa, tell us when there is a new one out! (I am suddenly all excited for trailers now, thanks!)

Okay, I will help you think through this. I quite like blurbs (and helping).

My first impression is this: You told me everything that happens in this book. I don't need to ever read it after reading this blurb! ^-^

Okay, let's go through this:

Earth is hot, dry and over populated as global warming changes the world. However, there is hope…

I think at this point it is safe to assume that global warming and its effects are well known. Describing what happens isn't necessary anymore. We don't even need to know the reason why, just tell us 'In the future Earth is dust'.

A crew of TEN, led by fusion-reactor expert, Rachel Walker, is to explore the Tau Ceti system, and beyond, if necessary.

This should be the first line. Perhaps with a 'With the Earth left as only a pile of dust, a crew of TEN is humanity's only hope!'

A latecomer from Texas, Dan Jennings, joins the crew in the search for a new home for mankind. Dan has battled anxiety since relocation from his family’s now bone-dry ranch. However, he decides to take the plunge and travel lights years in an attempt to rediscover his past.

You have a second character introduced here, but you didn't tell us anything about Rachel first.

When a twist of fate leaves Rachel struggling to lead the mission, she descends into depression.

Okay, here is Rachel's info. You can probably skip the 'twist of fate' bit. That is mysterious only for the point of being mysterious. Either tell us outright, or just say she is struggling to lead the mission and is faltering. But why is she? Elaborate a little. Make it interesting.

It is Dan who comes to her rescue, shining a light into Rachel’s well of despair. Slowly forming an unlikely bond, they forge a friendship that overcomes adversity and melds their hearts.

Is this a Romance? If it isn't then honestly, you might not even need Dan in the description. Unless he is the main character, then you can probably skip Rachel.

TEN is more than just a Sci-Fi tale of impending doom…it is a story of devotion, courage and the will to embrace the greatest of human emotions…love.

I honestly think this would be better if it was just telling us this is could be a tale of impending doom. That is a big exciting something in itself! You could say 'what will possibly save us: devotion. courage! love?

Download TEN, set your sights on the stars and join the crew as they discover new worlds…and themselves.

You lost me here. Then made me giggle and want to come back, but for the wrong reasons.

Lost me: telling me to buy this. I want to decide that for myself. I find it more than off-putting. Let me decide by enticing me, not telling me! That's the fun of buying things.

*Giggled*: a journey of discovering themselves?! This sounds like they are going to other planets to learn how to masturbate. While that is in itself is a book that I would probably seriously consider buying, it isn't the intent you want I bet.

Good luck! I hope this helps.
Remember, keep it punchy! Make me interested in the story with a hint of what is inside. :)

Personally I think it is a little too wordy for a book description, or even a blurb. It isn't so much that it is long, but that it is telling us too much and it makes using our imagination to try to fill in the blanks harder (which I must admit is one of my favourite parts of blurbs).

I think this can be fixed by snapping it up a bit, as it does get a bit repetitive in spots. For example:

Was Evan her soul mate though? Her best friend Zander didn't think so. Zander had lived through his own disturbing past and something inside him told him that he and Marla would heal each other; that he was her true soul mate.

This section mentions soul mates twice, and further in the paragraph it alludes to soul mates twice more.

It could be much punchier if it was stripped down to more essential information. It is currently 224 words. Experiment and see if you can get it down to 100 words - just the essentials - and see how it reads. ^-^

Foreshadowing is honestly one of my favourite things.

I love it when you can read a book over again and notice things that should have been red flags but you completely dismissed them the first time, or when you can solve the mystery before Velma does.

In my novels I flat out tell plot twists in a sneaky ways all over the place. No one has caught wise yet and everyone who re-reads them ends up hitting me with things. ^-^

I often tell the reader when foreshadowing is happening and to pay attention, or when to ignore the foreshadowing because it happens in the next book, but to take notes. I have had characters get angry when an event transpires that was foreshadowed a book before in a throw-away joking manner. I have characters that tell other characters not to really pay attention to them until book 3 because they are not really important yet. I foreshadow the punchline to a joke 100s of pages before the joke and don't care if no one notices, it makes me laugh.

Foreshadowing is amazing. I love it.

Ken wrote: "Well, apparently under the KU system, skimming is good. If they skim all the way to the end you'll get a good paycheck."

Good point! Time to add a 14 page description of a vase every chapter!

G.G. wrote: "C.B. wrote: "True, the intro description of the rooftops in Paris in the Hunchback of Nortre Dame was read completely - until page three, then skimmed until page 5, then skipped to page 200! It jus..."

It has been a long while since I read it as well. Ironically the things I remember the most about the novel were the things that I skipped.

True, the intro description of the rooftops in Paris in the Hunchback of Nortre Dame was read completely - until page three, then skimmed until page 5, then skipped to page 200! It just wouldn't stop.

Anything you write can end up being foreshadowing for later. The magic is calling back to it.

Remember that unimportant vase you wrote an entire page about in book one because you were a little bit tipsy on the wine and it felt like it needed to be written about in the greatest of details? Yes, that one, the one you couldn't edit out because, dang, that was such a great description of a vase it made your eccentric artist aunt paint a picture of it for your birthday...

Bash that sucker over someone's head in book 2 and you are golden.

Can Death be a lady so you can include the line:
"No please, Death is so formal, call me Sally."

It was a sunny and calm morning, completely unlike last night, which was dark and story.

I didn't want BB to have to draw her own mod picture! :)

That isn't nearly as fun.

B.B. wrote: "There will be more to come!! :O!"

Like this for example!



You will have to add the banner though - didn't want to steal it. ^_~

oh my goodness. are you a wizard? *inserts meme here*

I completely plan out everything... then promptly ignore said plan when things happen differently than I planned out.

I am a unique breed, a Plan by the Seat of my Pants writer.

The plan is a comfort to have though, so if something changes really dramatically from the plan I just change the plan. I'm sneaky like that.