Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

C.B. wrote: "Maybe if there are 6 different important stories in this, state that fact outright. The big intro for one character and then a jumble of the rest in the end is confusing."

Agreed. That's what made me think Kimika Kuu-Bo was the main character and the rest were side characters.

D.M. wrote: "It's actually a multiple viewpoint novel. "

That's definitely something you will want to put in the blurb. Some people love novels like that and it will draw in those readers. Some people hate it, which will save you getting a lot of one star reviews from those readers if they are forewarned.

A Song of Ice & Fire Book 1: A Game of Thrones I'm only vaguely familiar with what that is. I know it's a book written by George (something something) Martin and a lot of characters die and it's been turned into some kind of TV series, so it's hard to imagine it or Ned Stark.

Maybe a bit more about each character (or at least three of them) and each story-line is needed, then. Generally, I am all in favor of short blurbs, but in a case such as your book, you might need to have a long blurb.

Your blurb lacks focus. I'm confused by all these Leagues, having no idea what any of them are or what they stand for. There seem to be at least three of them, but I don't know a thing about any of them and it gets a bit confusing.

I feel like I get a sense of a story in the first paragraph, even though it's a bit vague as to why everyone's life is in danger and one of the characters has to fight against her past. The second paragraph is a mess of vagueness and a lot of characters being tossed about. Is Taylana a distant world or a princess? What is her perfect world and why is it a nightmare? Instead of telling us, you move on to something about Enforcer Agent Marco and his problems with some government. (Is this still Taylana?) And it goes on with more characters and more situations.

Focus on the main story and one or two major characters. Remember, we don't know these people or anything about them. You have to find a way to get us interested. Draw a reader into your book before you introduce the side characters and sub-plots.

D.M. wrote: "The folder rules mentions that I shouldn't add a blurb to the cover thread."

It means what it says. If you start a thread in the cover workshop folder, do not add a blurb. The cover workshop folder is for covers only.

Does your book have a title, by any chance? We ask (it's in the rules) that you format the heading of your post: "Blurb Help - Genre / Title". Thanks.

Christina wrote: "I'll reiterate his point, but if this starts to swerve into insults again, I'll lock the thread. "

Not if I beat you to it. We're all adults here, people. It's fine if you choose to swear or not to swear in your writing, but it's not okay to knock other writers because they do something differently.

Brian wrote: "If I writer cannot write without it, he or she is in the wrong job."

Words are words, Brian. A writer uses words. Sure, it's okay if a writer chooses not to use certain words for whatever reason, but it's not okay to say a writer is in the "wrong job" just because they use words you don't care for.

Brian wrote: "Great literature, by and large, manages to get by without it."

"Great" is a bit subjective, but most would consider John Steinbeck a great writer. Even he let the word "fuck" fly now and again. Great literature is not made or broken by the level of profanity in it.

Deleting as there is no blurb in your post. People can't give you feedback on a blurb that isn't there. If you want feedback, please repost, this time with the blurb. Thanks.

J.B. wrote: "There's medical aspects in that she wakes up being experimented on..."

And that's fine. I'm not doubting that there are aspects of the story that are medical or horror. I'm just saying the cover does not really reflect that. If I didn't know better, I would guess the story is fantasy or maybe a paranormal mystery, especially with the rainbow sparkles in the middle one. They are nice covers, they just do not reflect the genre you are writing.

They're all nice, but none really say "medical thriller" or "horror" to me and your name is really hard to read on all of them. But, I do like the top one best.

As per the rules, this thread is only for covers, not for blurbs. Please repost with only the covers. Thanks.

Off topic and not the appropriate place to be looking to hire a translator. Deleted.

Deleted for review request.

Deleted for review request. Please familiarize yourself with the rules before continuing to post. Thanks.

Posts in the Promotional Resources folder can only be started by a moderator. PLEASE read the rules and the folder rules before posting. Thanks.

If you want to start a discussion about character development, that is fine. But, your comment was really just a link to an article, which is against our rules. Thanks.

Comment deleted. We have a thread going called "Introductions II" where you may put your info. It is not necessary for members to start their own intro thread. Thanks.

You had a link to your book, which I removed as per our rules. Could you also remove the blurb? According to the folder rules, this is a workshop only for covers and blurbs are not to be included. Thanks.

Caryl wrote: "Swearing indicates poor vocabulary..."

Actually, there have been a fair amount of studies done on this notion in recent years and the conclusions, at least those I'm familiar with, are unanimous. People who swear often have a higher intelligence and a greater vocabulary. But, even if you are right, what you believe actually creates a great case for allowing characters with poor vocabulary to let a blue word fly out of their mouths now and then.

"...and degrades a character."

How?

Currently I'm working on a novel in which a team of teenagers are working in corn fields in Iowa in the mid 1980s. This is something I am familiar with as I was a teen working in corn fields in the 1980s. Swearing was common out there. In fact, I'm trying to tone it down some for the novel. After all, we're talking fifty teenagers far out of the hearing range any real adult. Of course, they're going to let the salty language fly. Some of us thought we were cool for swearing, some thought it made them sound tougher, some thought it was just funny to swear. I would not be true to the characters if I were to have them saying, "Oh, gosh, oh golly, this is hard work" or, "Why in the jeepers creepers do we have to work in the rain?" or, "Leave me alone, you doody-head, You're being a niddy-bip. Snickerdoodle you!"

I need to stop. I am turning into Annie Wilkes here.

Bottom line, Caryl, if an author chooses to use profanity in their work, that is fine. If not, that is fine, too. Neither is an indication of poor vocabulary and neither is degrading to character.

Rachael wrote: "I wrote a book."

Comment deleted for bookwhacking. Please review the rules. Thanks.

As per the SIA Code of Conduct: #7 - No links. To books. To blogs. No links.