Genres

Lawn

Lawn Books

In the Company of Mushrooms: A Biologist's Tale

Shared Space: A Hilarious Story About an Orderly Mouse and Messy Pak-Rat Learning Boundaries and Friendship for Kids (Ages 4-8)

Grow a Little Fruit Tree: Simple Pruning Techniques for Small-Space, Easy-Harvest Fruit Trees

Terrific Garden Tonics!: 345 Do-It-Yourself, Fix 'em Formulas for Maintaining a Lush Lawn & Gorgeous Garden (Good Gardening Series)

Oceana or England and ...

by
James Anthony Froude

The Organic Lawn Care Manual: A Natural, Low-Maintenance System for a Beautiful, Safe Lawn

Lawnscapes: Mowing Patterns to Make Your Yard a Work of Art

More lawn books...

Lists

All New Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew

Western Garden Book by Kathleen Norris Brenzel

Bringing Nature Home by Douglas W. Tallamy

Gardening Books

369 books — 156 voters

Llama Llama Time to Share by Anna Dewdney

Llama Llama Home with Mama by Anna Dewdney

Preschool-'L'

14 books — 6 voters

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins

Deadly Little Secret by Laurie Faria Stolarz

Where are thou grass?!?!

175 books — 102 voters

Featured News & Interviews

Readers’ Hit New Books of the Year (So Far)

Read »

“ Dear Mom and Dad How are you? If you are reading this it means your back from the wonderful cruise my brothers and I sent you on for your anniversary. We’re sure you both had a wonderful time. We want you to know that, while you were away, we did almost everything you asked. All but one thing, that is. We killed the lawn. We killed it dead. You asked us not to and we killed it. We killed it with extreme prejudice and no regard for its planty life. We killed the lawn. Now we know what Dear Mom and Dad How are you? If you are reading this it means your back from the wonderful cruise my brothers and I sent you on for your anniversary. We’re sure you both had a wonderful time. We want you to know that, while you were away, we did almost everything you asked. All but one thing, that is. We killed the lawn. We killed it dead. You asked us not to and we killed it. We killed it with extreme prejudice and no regard for its planty life. We killed the lawn. Now we know what you’re thinking: “But sons, whom we love ever so much, how can this be so? We expressly asked you to care for the lawn? The exactly opposite of what you are now conveying to us in an open digital forum.” True enough. We cannot dispute this. However, we have killed the lawn. We have killed it good. We threw a party and it was quite a good time. We had a moon bounce and beer and games and pirate costumes, oh it was a good time. Were it anyone else’s party that probably would have been enough but, hey, you know us. So we got a foam machine. A frothy, wet, quite fun yet evidently deadly, foam machine. Now this dastardly devise didn’t kill the lawn per se. We hypothesize it was more that it made the lawn very wet and that dancing in said area for a great many hours over the course of several days did the deed. Our jubilant frolicking simply beat the poor grass into submission. We collected every beer cap, bottle, and can. There is not a single cigarette butt or cigar to be found. The house is still standing, the dog is still barking, Grandma is still grandmaing but the lawn is no longer lawning. Now we’re sure, as you return from your wonderful vacation, that you’re quite upset but lets put this in perspective. For one thing whose idea was it for you to leave us alone in the first place? Not your best parenting decision right there. We’re little better than baboons. The mere fact that we haven’t killed each other in years past is, at best, luck. Secondly, let us not forget, you raised us to be this way. Always pushing out limits, making sure we thought creatively. This is really as much your fault as it is ours, if not more so. If anything we should be very disappointed in you. Finally lets not forget your cruise was our present to you. We paid for it. If you look at how much that cost and subtract the cost of reseeding the lawn you still came out ahead so, really, what position are you in to complain? So let’s review; we love you, you enjoyed a week on a cruise because of us, the lawn is dead, and it’s partially your fault. Glad that’s all out in the open. Can you have dinner ready for us by 6 tonight? We’d like macaroni and cheese. Love always Peter, James & Carmine ...more ”
― Peter F. DiSilvio

1 likes

“ Rothstein worked with Park Avenue men as beards in the club-house, and with Broadway characters, such as Morris the Boob on The Lawn, and he probably bet away from the track, too. ”
― Nick Tosches, King of the Jews

0 likes

More quotes...

Videos Tagged “Lawn”

Letter to a Dandelion Book Trailer

Trailer-BEAUTIFUL NO-MOW YARDS

Lawn

Lawn Books

Lists

Featured News & Interviews

Quotes Tagged “Lawn”

Videos Tagged “Lawn”