theStorykeeper’s answer to “Two questions: 1) Are there any steamy scenes? I'm getting tired of books where the love story be…” > Likes and Comments
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You're arguing against things I didn't say. Let me know if you're willing to have a discussion in which you actually listen to what I actually say and not throw words in my mouth.
P.S. The opposite of adult is child, not teenager. 18- and 19-year-olds are both teenagers and adults.
Some bits of my comment weren’t directly addressed to you. They were part of an overall talk. I didn’t mean to throw words in your mouth, and I apologise.
Regarding the age thing, you saying “especially not when teenagers are involved” made me automatically think that since a certain book is about teenagers (again, 18-19-years-old are more mature, or at least they ought to be), some things like sex shouldn’t be there.
And, in my modest opinion, it’s a bit hypocritical (I’m not talking about you) when there are far worse things in some books.
In conclusion, I think it’s pointless to keep taking about this topic when I’ve had the answers to my own questions, having read the book in a day.
Good night (or good day, depends on what part of the world you’re in now) 🙂
Further, there is a newer genre of books called New Adult that falls somewhere between YA and Adult. This book was recommended by Sarah J. Maas who writes within this New Adult genre and her books are usually shelved in the YA dept. in libraries. YA doesn't mean no sexual content.
Some bits of my comment weren’t directly addressed to you.
Excuse me for thinking that when someone replies to something I've said, they're talking to me. *rolls eyes*
"If you want sex in books, there is a whole entire genre out there for you - they're called adult romance novels"
I get what you are trying to say, but the way that you are trying to tell somebody that what they like in a book is invalid and that they should seek it elsewhere makes you seem rude and quite pathetic. YA is not aimed for teenagers 18 and under. Now, sometimes you do have a book that is classified as YA but is geared for somebody who is fifteen or sixteen, but YA as a genre is generally meant for readers 18+. A lot of the YA that I've been reading centres on really difficult topics or explores scenarios that are not meant for a younger audience. For example, The Black Witch by Laurie Forest, An Ember in the Ashes and its subsequent sequels by Sabaa Tahir, The Book Thief by Markus Zuzak, and the Hate You Give by Angie Thomas. All books that are marketed as being YA, but are not meant for a younger audience unless there is someone (like a teacher, for example) that will open up a discussion about them. I mean, I don't think that classrooms are reading the Black Witch or Tahir's work, but I know that The Book Thief and The Hate You Give are both books that are part of some schools curriculum.
What I said above about YA not being meant for a younger audience makes your argument rather invalid. In YA, you are going to see books that discuss difficult topics, you are going to see books that show the intimacy of characters. That is to be expected in books designed for older readers. However, there are YA books throughout all the genres (HF, contemperary, romance, etc) that do not show explicit smut. It's the same in adult literature. Even adult romance books published by companies such as Harlequin or Regency romance where there is not explicit smut within their pages. Believe me, as somebody that likes to open up a Regency romance every once and awhile, many in the adult romance genre prefer to write more about the relationship and develop the relationship than writing pure smut.
Congrats on making a question not about you, all about you :D Glad to see people who actually read the book responded to the original question.
Wow that sexual frustration is projecting for sure. Ouch.
Lool cool down and acephobic? Seriously? If you're triggered because of this question, honestly, you need to go see a shrink. Talk about self-absorption. Nobody cares that you're asexual or if you aren't for that matter. A lot of people just enjoy a few steamy scene for the fun of it.
It's ridiculous to call someone acephobic when they simply asked if the book has sex in it. Grow up, everyone has different preferences and it's definitely not your place to judge them. Not every book has to cater to you specifically.
It is NOT ridiculous to point out acephobic language. And the comment was not based on the question but the statement: "I'm getting tired of books where the love story between the main characters is almost platonic. Only kisses. Sex is part of a relationship".
Everyone wants to add "-phobic" to the end of a word to try and make it insulting. Its almost as if the actual definition of the word is being lost in our modern society. In no way does her question come off "acephobic", there was zero fear, hate, or even dislike towards the (non)sexuality. Just an honest question about preference. Insert a million eye roll-y emojis
Everyone said it already lol. Have a good holiday everyone
And that was not "acephobic language", most relationships have an element of sex in them and since neither of the main protagonists is ace she was asking a very valid question about the content of the book. Just because you see a bunch of ace girls on your foryou feed dosnt mean that most people out there are ace. Stop making people feel bad for wanting sex in books and in general.
"Reeeee how dare you want to read about stuff I do not want???? You are a PHOBIC AGAINST MEEEE!!! *rolls eyes until they fall out of eyesockets**
true, yes.
But in most relationships sex is definetely present.
and teenagers also do have sex. age 15-16 and up for sure.
What crawled up your ass and died? It was a simple question, and a decent explanation.
ace people are the most annoying people on the planet
Everyone's hating on everyone here! It was a simple question with comments about that person's preference, simple as that.
As someone who's asexual it's absurd to call someone acephobic when they just want a relationship with sex.
The OP said "Sex is part of a relationship." That is acephobic. Sex is not inherently part of a relationship. If they had simply wrote "I'm not interested in reading books about relationships without sex" that would be an opinion, and fine. They didn't say just that. They made a judgment call about relationships in general. Furthermore, only 40% of teens have sex by 18, so the majority of teens are not having sex.
Shut up, thats not acephobic, i doubt asexual people would be in relathionships from the start. and these characters ARENT asexual so?
@Anisa
Just so you know, asexual people can be in relationships. There's a difference between asexual, aromantic, and not having relationships.
i know, but how is it homophobic to make a story without sexual thing in it?
My opinion is that all of this is just a big misunderstanding. Someone asked if this book had steamy scenes in it and someone felt offended, which resulted in a bunch of attacking answers and comments. This book DOES have steamy scenes in it. I am very sorry, @theStorykeeper, that this person's question offended you. I am also sorry to the person who asked this question, because they almost certainly didn't mean to offend anyone and they've received a lot of insulting comments and answers. Thank you for your time. 👋
i agree with @Cora . The person simply asked a question and got slammed and accused of being homophobic.
@Lee Lemon Do you feel better now that you got that out?
This definitely isn't acephobic but go off.
Wow, this was a really harsh response. Fully support Ace folk, I'm Demi/Bi myself - but to lash out at someone who's not, who is asking due to their own preference (which they are entirely entitled to - as long as it's not harming others) is a bit much. The OP question was not acephobic.
I think it's perfectly fine to ask about steamy scenes in books - whether you're looking to find, or avoid them. None of us deserve to be shamed for asking. And there are PLENTY of YA with steamy scenes - often superior to the adult romance genre. Geez
@ Lee Lemon glad someone here is self aware
1. Expressing a personal preference for sexual content in a novel's portrayal of relationships does not make you anything-phobic
2. Sex is part of the vast majority of relationships, and sooner or later, the vast majority of teenagers in relationships are also sexually active. This is probably a very common thing for people to want or expect in a novel
3. The question is in response to the fact that most relationships in these kinds of books are basically chaste. It would seem there is very much a space already existing for those who prefer this.
There are a ton of awful comments on here and I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. I love sex in relationships but would still not declare "Sex is a part of a relationship" as a blanket statement. That was the issue. If you don't see that, congrats! You're part of a commonly accepted template that doesn't get flack. Move on. Assuming everyone's relationship should match your preferences? Come on. We all read. People are different. We require different things. If the question had just said "I like sex, is there sex in this book" Woohoo! That's a way to get your answer without making it sound like your way is the only way. JFC.
And yes, it is 100% acephobic to declare "Sex is part of a relationship, so I don't understand why most of the books avoid the topic." This is just not true, and claiming so is to say that people that don't adhere to that are wrong. Hence... Prejudice. Again, as someone that loves sex scenes, there were a number of ways to ask your question without telling other people how things should be.
And thats why teenagers are getting pregnant so early. Because parents like you act like sex doesn't exist till marriage. Yeah and show me one relationship without no sex? Marriage is also a relationship. Can they have sex then?if people would stop being so prude everything would be so much easier. Yeah you all stay virgins till marriage right?
That's not what this person is saying at all, someone needs to google asexuality, imagine calling an obviously queer person a crazy conservative christian I-
Wow, so many ignorant and rude people in this thread. Yes, the OP's phrasing was acephobic, and asexuality is as much a valid form of sexuality as any other. Nobody around here has been homophobic, asexual people can be romantically attracted to people of other genders as well as their own, so it doesn't apply. Lot of you here need to sit down, hush yourselves and go do some non-fiction reading already. Try asexuality dot org.
This novel is not young adult, does feature sex scenes, and you shouldn't be responding to questions about a book you obviously have not read because by promoting the mistaken label that it is young adult you could cause harm to children who aren't ready to be exposed to sex scenes and to members of the LGBTQ community that are looking for a book that doesn't feature them, including the ace community.
Sarah, they're not to blame if others have labelled it YA.
In fairness to the question asker, they NEVER said sex is "always" part of a relationship. It's inappropriate to imply they did. They merely said "Sex is part of a relationship" which is technically correct. They never said everyone participates in that part of a relationship.
It seems rather obvious that the asker was making the point that even in sexually romantic relationships, authors are avoiding or shying away from it. Which can be annoying to those who expect that if you're writing about such a relationship, you be realistic about it. That's not an unreasonable expectation and it's certainly their right to hold that opinion and ask such a question about a book of interest.
Punxsutawney, that was exactly what they implied, actually. They said "sex is part of a relationship". If you have any experience with acephobia at all, you'll realise that allosexual people often say that to invalidate the idea that an asexual romantic relationship qualifies as a romantic relationship at all. It's a discriminatory dogwhistle.
Lol! This is the most ridiculous thread I have ever read. I consider myself pretty open and not at all discriminatory. Asking if there are sex scenes is not discriminating against asexual people. Is the new thing to TRY and get offended by something?
Pfft. OK, thread: how many of you who are claiming you don't see what we're being irritated by here are actually asexual? Come on now, let's hear it.
From what I'm seeing, the majority of folk insisting this is not discriminatory in the least are NOT asexual themselves. Do you think you get to say something isn't homophobic if you're hetero, or transphobic if you're cis? Same thing. It's not you, so no, you don't get to take over this thread and say we're silly for being annoyed by it. There's no "trying to be offended" here, we're just fed up of people acting as though we don't exist and don't have relationships. Sex is NOT an intrinsic part of a romantic relationship, and in 2022 y'all ought to know that.
The original question mostly just showed the questioner's ignorance, but the comments have decidedly stepped into the realm of aphobia since then.
I honestly don't think it's that deep. This is a thread with comments and questions about what may or may not be included in a fictional story developed by an author.
I highly doubt the original comment was created with the thought of offending asexual people. I don't even think that asexual's were included in her train of thought. And that should be OK - not everything has to become an issue surrounding what is and what isn't offensive.
Being asexual myself, it did actually bother me to be told that "sex is part of romantic relationships" because it's not. That's like saying drinking alcohol is part of being an adult. Yes, some people do, but no one in their right mind would say that you have to drink to be a good adult.
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You're arguing against things I didn't say. Let me know if you're willing to have a discussion in which you actually listen to what I actually say and not throw words in my mouth.P.S. The opposite of adult is child, not teenager. 18- and 19-year-olds are both teenagers and adults.
Some bits of my comment weren’t directly addressed to you. They were part of an overall talk. I didn’t mean to throw words in your mouth, and I apologise. Regarding the age thing, you saying “especially not when teenagers are involved” made me automatically think that since a certain book is about teenagers (again, 18-19-years-old are more mature, or at least they ought to be), some things like sex shouldn’t be there.
And, in my modest opinion, it’s a bit hypocritical (I’m not talking about you) when there are far worse things in some books.
In conclusion, I think it’s pointless to keep taking about this topic when I’ve had the answers to my own questions, having read the book in a day.
Good night (or good day, depends on what part of the world you’re in now) 🙂
Further, there is a newer genre of books called New Adult that falls somewhere between YA and Adult. This book was recommended by Sarah J. Maas who writes within this New Adult genre and her books are usually shelved in the YA dept. in libraries. YA doesn't mean no sexual content.
Some bits of my comment weren’t directly addressed to you.Excuse me for thinking that when someone replies to something I've said, they're talking to me. *rolls eyes*
"If you want sex in books, there is a whole entire genre out there for you - they're called adult romance novels"I get what you are trying to say, but the way that you are trying to tell somebody that what they like in a book is invalid and that they should seek it elsewhere makes you seem rude and quite pathetic. YA is not aimed for teenagers 18 and under. Now, sometimes you do have a book that is classified as YA but is geared for somebody who is fifteen or sixteen, but YA as a genre is generally meant for readers 18+. A lot of the YA that I've been reading centres on really difficult topics or explores scenarios that are not meant for a younger audience. For example, The Black Witch by Laurie Forest, An Ember in the Ashes and its subsequent sequels by Sabaa Tahir, The Book Thief by Markus Zuzak, and the Hate You Give by Angie Thomas. All books that are marketed as being YA, but are not meant for a younger audience unless there is someone (like a teacher, for example) that will open up a discussion about them. I mean, I don't think that classrooms are reading the Black Witch or Tahir's work, but I know that The Book Thief and The Hate You Give are both books that are part of some schools curriculum.
What I said above about YA not being meant for a younger audience makes your argument rather invalid. In YA, you are going to see books that discuss difficult topics, you are going to see books that show the intimacy of characters. That is to be expected in books designed for older readers. However, there are YA books throughout all the genres (HF, contemperary, romance, etc) that do not show explicit smut. It's the same in adult literature. Even adult romance books published by companies such as Harlequin or Regency romance where there is not explicit smut within their pages. Believe me, as somebody that likes to open up a Regency romance every once and awhile, many in the adult romance genre prefer to write more about the relationship and develop the relationship than writing pure smut.
Congrats on making a question not about you, all about you :D Glad to see people who actually read the book responded to the original question.
Wow that sexual frustration is projecting for sure. Ouch.
Lool cool down and acephobic? Seriously? If you're triggered because of this question, honestly, you need to go see a shrink. Talk about self-absorption. Nobody cares that you're asexual or if you aren't for that matter. A lot of people just enjoy a few steamy scene for the fun of it.
It's ridiculous to call someone acephobic when they simply asked if the book has sex in it. Grow up, everyone has different preferences and it's definitely not your place to judge them. Not every book has to cater to you specifically.
It is NOT ridiculous to point out acephobic language. And the comment was not based on the question but the statement: "I'm getting tired of books where the love story between the main characters is almost platonic. Only kisses. Sex is part of a relationship".
Everyone wants to add "-phobic" to the end of a word to try and make it insulting. Its almost as if the actual definition of the word is being lost in our modern society. In no way does her question come off "acephobic", there was zero fear, hate, or even dislike towards the (non)sexuality. Just an honest question about preference. Insert a million eye roll-y emojis
Everyone said it already lol. Have a good holiday everyone
And that was not "acephobic language", most relationships have an element of sex in them and since neither of the main protagonists is ace she was asking a very valid question about the content of the book. Just because you see a bunch of ace girls on your foryou feed dosnt mean that most people out there are ace. Stop making people feel bad for wanting sex in books and in general.
"Reeeee how dare you want to read about stuff I do not want???? You are a PHOBIC AGAINST MEEEE!!! *rolls eyes until they fall out of eyesockets**
true, yes.But in most relationships sex is definetely present.
and teenagers also do have sex. age 15-16 and up for sure.
What crawled up your ass and died? It was a simple question, and a decent explanation.
ace people are the most annoying people on the planet
Everyone's hating on everyone here! It was a simple question with comments about that person's preference, simple as that.
As someone who's asexual it's absurd to call someone acephobic when they just want a relationship with sex.
The OP said "Sex is part of a relationship." That is acephobic. Sex is not inherently part of a relationship. If they had simply wrote "I'm not interested in reading books about relationships without sex" that would be an opinion, and fine. They didn't say just that. They made a judgment call about relationships in general. Furthermore, only 40% of teens have sex by 18, so the majority of teens are not having sex.
Shut up, thats not acephobic, i doubt asexual people would be in relathionships from the start. and these characters ARENT asexual so?
@AnisaJust so you know, asexual people can be in relationships. There's a difference between asexual, aromantic, and not having relationships.
i know, but how is it homophobic to make a story without sexual thing in it?
My opinion is that all of this is just a big misunderstanding. Someone asked if this book had steamy scenes in it and someone felt offended, which resulted in a bunch of attacking answers and comments. This book DOES have steamy scenes in it. I am very sorry, @theStorykeeper, that this person's question offended you. I am also sorry to the person who asked this question, because they almost certainly didn't mean to offend anyone and they've received a lot of insulting comments and answers. Thank you for your time. 👋
i agree with @Cora . The person simply asked a question and got slammed and accused of being homophobic.
@Lee Lemon Do you feel better now that you got that out?
This definitely isn't acephobic but go off.
Wow, this was a really harsh response. Fully support Ace folk, I'm Demi/Bi myself - but to lash out at someone who's not, who is asking due to their own preference (which they are entirely entitled to - as long as it's not harming others) is a bit much. The OP question was not acephobic. I think it's perfectly fine to ask about steamy scenes in books - whether you're looking to find, or avoid them. None of us deserve to be shamed for asking. And there are PLENTY of YA with steamy scenes - often superior to the adult romance genre. Geez
@ Lee Lemon glad someone here is self aware
1. Expressing a personal preference for sexual content in a novel's portrayal of relationships does not make you anything-phobic2. Sex is part of the vast majority of relationships, and sooner or later, the vast majority of teenagers in relationships are also sexually active. This is probably a very common thing for people to want or expect in a novel
3. The question is in response to the fact that most relationships in these kinds of books are basically chaste. It would seem there is very much a space already existing for those who prefer this.
There are a ton of awful comments on here and I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. I love sex in relationships but would still not declare "Sex is a part of a relationship" as a blanket statement. That was the issue. If you don't see that, congrats! You're part of a commonly accepted template that doesn't get flack. Move on. Assuming everyone's relationship should match your preferences? Come on. We all read. People are different. We require different things. If the question had just said "I like sex, is there sex in this book" Woohoo! That's a way to get your answer without making it sound like your way is the only way. JFC.
And yes, it is 100% acephobic to declare "Sex is part of a relationship, so I don't understand why most of the books avoid the topic." This is just not true, and claiming so is to say that people that don't adhere to that are wrong. Hence... Prejudice. Again, as someone that loves sex scenes, there were a number of ways to ask your question without telling other people how things should be.
And thats why teenagers are getting pregnant so early. Because parents like you act like sex doesn't exist till marriage. Yeah and show me one relationship without no sex? Marriage is also a relationship. Can they have sex then?if people would stop being so prude everything would be so much easier. Yeah you all stay virgins till marriage right?
That's not what this person is saying at all, someone needs to google asexuality, imagine calling an obviously queer person a crazy conservative christian I-
Wow, so many ignorant and rude people in this thread. Yes, the OP's phrasing was acephobic, and asexuality is as much a valid form of sexuality as any other. Nobody around here has been homophobic, asexual people can be romantically attracted to people of other genders as well as their own, so it doesn't apply. Lot of you here need to sit down, hush yourselves and go do some non-fiction reading already. Try asexuality dot org.
This novel is not young adult, does feature sex scenes, and you shouldn't be responding to questions about a book you obviously have not read because by promoting the mistaken label that it is young adult you could cause harm to children who aren't ready to be exposed to sex scenes and to members of the LGBTQ community that are looking for a book that doesn't feature them, including the ace community.
Sarah, they're not to blame if others have labelled it YA.
In fairness to the question asker, they NEVER said sex is "always" part of a relationship. It's inappropriate to imply they did. They merely said "Sex is part of a relationship" which is technically correct. They never said everyone participates in that part of a relationship. It seems rather obvious that the asker was making the point that even in sexually romantic relationships, authors are avoiding or shying away from it. Which can be annoying to those who expect that if you're writing about such a relationship, you be realistic about it. That's not an unreasonable expectation and it's certainly their right to hold that opinion and ask such a question about a book of interest.
Punxsutawney, that was exactly what they implied, actually. They said "sex is part of a relationship". If you have any experience with acephobia at all, you'll realise that allosexual people often say that to invalidate the idea that an asexual romantic relationship qualifies as a romantic relationship at all. It's a discriminatory dogwhistle.
Lol! This is the most ridiculous thread I have ever read. I consider myself pretty open and not at all discriminatory. Asking if there are sex scenes is not discriminating against asexual people. Is the new thing to TRY and get offended by something?
Pfft. OK, thread: how many of you who are claiming you don't see what we're being irritated by here are actually asexual? Come on now, let's hear it. From what I'm seeing, the majority of folk insisting this is not discriminatory in the least are NOT asexual themselves. Do you think you get to say something isn't homophobic if you're hetero, or transphobic if you're cis? Same thing. It's not you, so no, you don't get to take over this thread and say we're silly for being annoyed by it. There's no "trying to be offended" here, we're just fed up of people acting as though we don't exist and don't have relationships. Sex is NOT an intrinsic part of a romantic relationship, and in 2022 y'all ought to know that.
The original question mostly just showed the questioner's ignorance, but the comments have decidedly stepped into the realm of aphobia since then.
I honestly don't think it's that deep. This is a thread with comments and questions about what may or may not be included in a fictional story developed by an author. I highly doubt the original comment was created with the thought of offending asexual people. I don't even think that asexual's were included in her train of thought. And that should be OK - not everything has to become an issue surrounding what is and what isn't offensive.
Being asexual myself, it did actually bother me to be told that "sex is part of romantic relationships" because it's not. That's like saying drinking alcohol is part of being an adult. Yes, some people do, but no one in their right mind would say that you have to drink to be a good adult.
There’s no need to be rude and call me acephobic (tbh I didn’t even know such a term existed).
Plus, I think it’s a bit hypocritical to mention sex in a book (whatever book it is) but not ever showing it (It doesn’t have to be explicit, I don’t want a porn), even though there’s sexual tension between the main protagonists.
Do you really expect me to believe that two people who have a sexual attraction between one another, only end up having an almost platonic relationship?
Oh I almost forgot. It’s VERY hypocritical to say that sex can’t be there when teenagers are involved, when extreme violence, terrible deaths, tortures are ok though (again, this book is not the case).
P.s not all YA are Puritan, you know? I know of a couple of books that are labelled YA which have a good amount of sex (and extreme violence) and the main protagonists are not teenagers (again, in some countries you’re an adult when you turn 18).