Questions About Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

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As I am reading this, I still find it hard to get around the common perception that 'respect is earned'. How can a woman respect someone if their everyday actions are 'not respectable'? Does the writer expect women to fake respect until actions and character changes to a point that she can respect? We all know men out there in the world who are very difficult to respect and perhaps impossible to love.

S Hugh Brechtel But remember to show respect to yourself that others can see. If you do self-care, they'll know that you have limits or boundaries to wh…moreHugh Brechtel But remember to show respect to yourself that others can see. If you do self-care, they'll know that you have limits or boundaries to what you'll accept. In other words, if a husband disdains his wife as exhibited by his words to her, "I've learned to pretend to listen" for example, I believe she must not let that slide, that she has to ask, "What do your words indicate us, about our marriage, & do you want to talk about us, about what is occurring between us that would cause your words to express what I don't know are your feelings?" There are better ways to say it, but it has to be asked of either one if the spouse is being disdainful. It can't be passed off as a bad day. Rudeness must be spoken of & equanimity sought in the relationship. If it is ignored, resentment will build in the spouse spoken to in this manner. Most important firstly is to do self-care so that others see you as a person whom YOU value. To speak of feelings is hard bc there's rejection sensitivity or there's the hearer's sense that it's a complaint against him or her. Look into attachment injury. (less)

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Does the book give specific verbiage for how to show respect? The follow up book: Mothers and Sons is really great about how to change your dialogue. I just haven't found that yet.

Joshua Deal It gives a lot of "tip toe" style answers. These led me to believe husbands blow up at every question. Definitely didn't help our marriage feel like w…moreIt gives a lot of "tip toe" style answers. These led me to believe husbands blow up at every question. Definitely didn't help our marriage feel like we were both loved and valued. (less)

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Shelley - I want to talk about this book to see exactly what it is?

Joanne Fetzer It's a book that explains the differences in the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife. Wives need to RESPECT their husbands (doesn't come na…moreIt's a book that explains the differences in the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife. Wives need to RESPECT their husbands (doesn't come naturally) and husbands need to LOVE their wives (doesn't come naturally). He talks about the dysfunction in so many marriages called the Crazy Cycle that perpetuates poor communication and lack of respect and lack of love. (less)

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