Exclusive Excerpt: E.L. James Introduces You to 'The Mister'

Posted by Hayley on March 21, 2019
So long, Christian Grey—there's a new sexy millionaire in town. E.L. James, author of the erotic bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey, is back with another tantalizing love story. Set in London, The Mister follows modern-day aristocrat Maxim Trevelyan as he struggles with his desire for Alessia Demachi, a musician haunted by the past. Get a sneak peek before The Mister hits bookshelves on April 16. Add it to your Want to Read shelf here.


Who the hell is this timid creature standing in my hallway? I’m completely bemused. Have I seen her before? An image from a forgotten dream develops like a Polaroid in my memory, an angel in blue hovering at my bedside. But that was days ago. Could it have been her? And now she’s here, rooted to the hallway floor, her impish face pale, her eyes downcast. Her knuckles grow whiter as she clasps the broom handle tighter and tighter, as if it’s anchoring her to the Earth. The headscarf conceals her hair, and an oversize, old-fashioned nylon housecoat swamps her small frame. She looks totally out of place.


“Who are you?” I ask again, but in a softer tone, not wanting to alarm her. Wide eyes, the color of a fine espresso and framed by the longest lashes I’ve ever seen, look up at me, then back at the floor.

Shit!

One peek from her dark, fathomless eyes and I’m . . . unsettled. She’s at least a head shorter than me, perhaps five feet five to my six feet two. Her features are delicate: high cheekbones, an upturned nose, clear fair skin, and pale lips. It’s obvious that she’s cleaning. But why her? Why here? Has she replaced my old daily?

“Where’s Krystyna?” I ask, growing a little frustrated at her silence. Perhaps she’s Krystyna’s daughter—or granddaughter.

She continues to stare at the floor, her brow furrowed.

Look at me, I will her. I want to reach forward and tilt her chin up, but as if she reads my mind, she raises her head. Her eyes meet mine, and her tongue darts out, and nervously she licks her upper lip. My whole body tightens in a hot, heavy rush as desire hits me like a demolition ball.

Fuck a duck!

I narrow my eyes as annoyance swiftly follows my desire. What the hell is wrong with me? Why does a woman I’ve never met have such an effect on me? It’s irritating. Beneath fine arched brows, her eyes grow wider, and she takes a step back, fumbling with the broom so that it falls from her hands and clatters onto the floor. She bends with easy, economic grace to pick it up, and when she’s standing once more, she fixates on the handle, a slow flush staining her cheeks as she mumbles something unintelligible.

Bloody hell! Am I intimidating the poor girl?

I don’t mean to.

I’m annoyed at myself. Not her.

Or maybe it’s another reason.

“Perhaps you don’t understand me,” I say, more to myself, and I run a hand through my hair as I bring my body to heel. Krystyna’s mastery of English extended to the words “yes” and “here,” which often meant lots of gesticulating on my part when I needed her to undertake tasks that went beyond her usual cleaning routine. This girl is probably Polish, too.

“I am cleaner, Mister,” she whispers, her eyes still downcast and her eyelashes fanned out above her luminous cheeks.



“Where’s Krystyna?”

“She has returned to Poland.”

“When?”

“Since last week.”

This is news. Why the hell did I not know this? I liked Krystyna. She’d cleaned for me for three years and knew all my dirty little secrets. And I never got to say good-bye. Maybe it’s temporary.

“Is she coming back?” I ask.

The lines in the girl’s forehead deepen, but she says nothing, though her eyes flick to my bare feet. For some unknown reason, this makes me feel self-conscious. Placing both hands on my hips, I step backward as my bewilderment grows. “How long have you been here?”

She responds in a breathless, barely audible voice. “In England?”

“Look at me, please,” I ask. Why is she so reluctant to look up?

Her slim fingers tighten around the broom again, as if she might brandish it as a weapon, then she swallows and raises her head, regarding me with large, liquid brown eyes. Eyes I could drown in. My mouth dries as my body comes to attention again.

Fuck!

“I have been in England since three weeks.” Her voice is clearer and stronger, with an accent I don’t recognize, and as she speaks, she pushes her small chin toward me in defiance. Her lips are now rosy, her bottom lip plumper than her top, and she licks the upper one again.

Hell!

I’m aroused once more. I take another step away from her. “Three weeks?” I mumble, baffled by my reaction to her.

Why is this happening to me?

What is it about her?

She’s fucking exquisite, the still, small voice roars in my head.

Yes. For a woman dressed in a nylon housecoat, she’s hot.

Concentrate.

She hasn’t answered my question. “No. I meant how long have you been here in my flat.”

Where does this girl come from? I rack my brain. Mrs. Blake had organized Krystyna through some contact she had. But Krystyna’s replacement remains silent.

“You speak English?” I ask, willing her to speak. “What’s your name?”

She frowns, looking at me like I’m an idiot. “Yes. I speak English. My name is Alessia Demachi. I have been in your apartment since ten o’clock this morning.”

Wow. She really does speak English.

“Right. Well. How do you do, Alessia Demachi. My name is . . .”

What should I say?

Trevethick?

Trevelyan?

“Maxim.”



Excerpted selection of The Mister by E.L. James. Copyright © 2019 by E.L. James.

E.L. James' The Mister is on sale April 16. Add it to your Want to Read shelf here.



Comments Showing 51-100 of 101 (101 new)


message 51: by Beverly P Hanson (new)

Beverly P Hanson Christine D. Sanchez wrote: "I can’t wait to read this I loved the Fifty Shades Series I read all 3 books two times! E.L. James is supered..."

You might want to read Gray, that will make four books and I understand there is a Darker too. She can really write.


message 52: by Erin (last edited Mar 26, 2019 06:26PM) (new)

Erin Andrea wrote: "Well, that was as interesting as watching the grass grow...

Also, I read a few pages of Gray (from Christian's PoV) and this is exactly the same. From the mesmerizing eyes that make him go hard t..."


It's funny that everyone is picking out that line — I don't think I've read that before yet I just read a different series last night and that was in it! LOL

ETA: The quote didn't grab the line: "fuck a duck"


message 53: by Rosleen (new)

Rosleen Oh sweet god no.


message 54: by Morgan (new)

Morgan Morawski I would rather slide down razor blades in to a pool of piss than read anything by this author. Pure trash.


message 55: by Katya (new)

Katya Michaeli Oh good, I'm nearly out of toilet paper. I'll take a copy, please.


message 56: by Laura (new)

Laura OMG! Can't she stop writing this shit and live with the royalties of the other "books" she wrote??


message 57: by Amaryllis (new)

Amaryllis Ajla wrote: "Wow! Never read 50 shades of gray so I've got nothing to make a comparison with, but the grammar in this one sure is atrocious and even a 15 year old could write something better. Like, we've got n..."
My thoughts exactly.


message 58: by Lucy (new)

Lucy Hahahahahahaha. I actually laughed aloud at the "fuck a duck". I might have to read this just for the hysterical laughter it's bound to produce.


message 59: by Amaryllis (new)

Amaryllis Chloe wrote: ""fuck a duck"
"wow. she really does speak English"
"Why does a woman I’ve never met have such an effect on me? It’s irritating"
"(..)raises her head, regarding me with large, liquid brown eyes. Ey..."

True!


Lee at ReadWriteWish Wow. I've not read the 50 Shades books but if they're anything like this I'm glad I've not bothered. This is incredibly bad. Unbelievable.


message 61: by Amaryllis (new)

Amaryllis Morgan wrote: "I would rather slide down razor blades in to a pool of piss than read anything by this author. Pure trash."

best comment.


message 62: by Katsuro (new)

Katsuro This sounds like it was written by a woman who never actually met a heterosexual man in her life.

(Yes, I sometimes am amazed by how attractive, or good-looking, a woman is. No, I don't go around holding long monologues about how mysterious it is that I, a straight man, would be attracted to a beautiful woman. That would be like being amazed that there's coffee being served at a coffee shop.)


message 63: by Ali (new)

Ali Chloe wrote: ""fuck a duck"
"wow. she really does speak English"
"Why does a woman I’ve never met have such an effect on me? It’s irritating"
"(..)raises her head, regarding me with large, liquid brown eyes. Ey..."

My thoughts exactly! Thank you


message 64: by Evey (new)

Evey Lucy wrote: "Hahahahahahaha. I actually laughed aloud at the "fuck a duck". I might have to read this just for the hysterical laughter it's bound to produce."

This is the only reason why I'm up for reading this travesty of a book. It's so bad it's laughable.


message 65: by Habit (new)

Habit Hub Wow that was interesting...but i hope this book will be different from 50 shades series...because as much as i like christian and ana, i need something different concept to read.

My expectations are high from this one!!E.L.James


message 66: by Sana (new)

Sana Wow ... she hasn't improved one bit in her writing XD Pretty shitty, if you ask me.


message 67: by Mariah (new)

Mariah This looks even more ridiculous than the last series.
"Fuck a duck" - genius billionaire incapacitated by his sexual urges.
Let me say it louder for those people in the back:
A man who is attracted to a woman because she looks SCARED is a SEXUAL PREDATOR.


message 68: by Regina (new)

Regina Jenkins Well from the excerpt I'm not excited instead of her inner goddess we now have his inner goddess and not in a good way. More lip biting blah I hope it gets better. But I will read it.


message 69: by [deleted user] (new)

I hope one day that we as readers will finally reject absolute drivel like this. EL James is an awful writer.


message 70: by Izzy (last edited Mar 28, 2019 03:53PM) (new)

Izzy Wow. That excerpt is...wow.

Parody writers, you know what to do. And ducks better be involved otherwise I'm not buying.


message 71: by sarah (new)

sarah This cannot be real. No hyperbole, this is the worst writing I have seen.


message 72: by Amaryllis (new)

Amaryllis Mariah wrote: "This looks even more ridiculous than the last series.
"Fuck a duck" - genius billionaire incapacitated by his sexual urges.
Let me say it louder for those people in the back:
A man who is attracted to a woman because she looks SCARED is a SEXUAL PREDATOR."

this. People need to realize this.


message 73: by Jennifer (new)

Jennifer Why did no one confiscate her pen?? Ugh. This is TERRIBLE.


message 74: by Warwick (new)

Warwick James is toying with us here, evoking a heady mix of stark social realism with Barthean intertextuality. There can be few readers who, upon seeing Maxim's expostulation of ‘Fuck a duck!’, do not find themselves nodding with appreciation at the ineluctable reference to Ibsen's Vildanden (‘The Wild Duck’), where so much hinges on the fate of a wounded anatine whose demeanour, perhaps, is hinted at in Alessia's quack-like foreign accent. And the many references to ‘desire’ will, of course, put us in mind of Proust's comment that Nous n'arrivons pas à changer les choses suivant notre désir, mais peu à peu notre désir change, a maxim (for Maxim, no less) that we see so beautifully enacted in this tantalising extract. As readers, even as we reach for the lube, we weep.


message 75: by Julie (new)

Julie Ehlers Warwick wrote: "James is toying with us here, evoking a heady mix of stark social realism with Barthean intertextuality. There can be few readers who, upon seeing Maxim's expostulation of ‘Fuck a duck!’, do not fi..."

LOL. There may not be enough lube in the world.


message 76: by My (new)

My Creative Cottage Please don't. This sound so very 50 shades... Seems to be set in England, again a rich idiot and a woman, who can do no better than be a toy.


message 77: by Kaitlan (new)

Kaitlan Kathleen wrote: "Chloe wrote: ""fuck a duck"
"wow. she really does speak English"
"Why does a woman I’ve never met have such an effect on me? It’s irritating"
"(..)raises her head, regarding me with large, liquid ..."


What do you mean, Kathleen? Isn't Goodreads the place to go for critiquing, analyzing and sharing opinions? Some of us think James' writing is trash. Why would you care so much?


message 78: by Katsuro (new)

Katsuro Kathleen wrote: "The go write and stop criticizing.. let’s see how you do."

People don't have to be good writers in order to criticize an author who chooses to publish something bad, just like it's fine to file a malpractice suit without being a surgeon.


message 79: by Vicky (last edited Mar 29, 2019 07:39AM) (new)

Vicky I'm kind of 'meh' about this. I liked Fifty - Freed the best imo... but this little snippet... can probs leave it...

Was kind of inspired that she managed to transfer fanfic to the semi mainstream reader... but mebbe she should've left it there... cashing in cough cough...


message 80: by Kris (new)

Kris Y'all need to get real sex lives...


message 81: by ☆ susan ☆ (new)

☆ susan ☆ Fuck a duck? I chuckled at that part.


message 82: by Antonomasia (new)

Antonomasia Warwick wrote: "James is toying with us here, evoking a heady mix of stark social realism with Barthean intertextuality. There can be few readers who, upon seeing Maxim's expostulation of ‘Fuck a duck!’, do not fi..."

Love it. Good you put this comment in the feed, otherwise it would have been wasted here.


Kate (Feathered Turtle Press Reviews) I find it reprehensible GR is promoting this author and works in any way.


message 84: by Katya (new)

Katya Michaeli K8 wrote: "I find it reprehensible GR is promoting this author and works in any way."

For some reason we can't like comments. So instead, here's a reply saying "This^".


message 85: by My (new)

My Creative Cottage Ajla wrote: "Also, I the style of writing reminds me of something written in a Victorian era, like she tries to make him all posh and cool a d aristocratic, but then she goes and writes things like 'shit' and '..."

And then it is all going to be about him having been misunderstood for his whole life and him sleeping with every woman he had met but not feeling the fulfillment. And then her being extraordinarily pretty but having no idea whatsoever but then developing to a “mistress” only living to get laid by him. I hate how it is always about the girl being there to serve the idiot (yes, Christian was an idiot and so seems this Maxim).


message 86: by Behrokh (new)

Behrokh Oh my god ! can't wait to read this book...))


Tee loves Kyle Jacobson I can't wait to read this book! I need it right now <3


message 88: by G. (last edited Mar 28, 2019 03:53PM) (new)

G. Man, that excrept was painful to read. There's better composed fanfiction on livejournal. For free. With better writing. You'd think a woman who has published four full length novels will have improved her writing, but that doesn't even look edited, let alone publishable.

Edit: "Fuck a duck" is the most ridiculous phrase a human being has been written to think in an at least semi-serious situation. I am confusion.


message 89: by Vernice (new)

Vernice Oh dear God, no!!!!


message 90: by T. (new)

T. This was painful to read. The publishing world has gone insane if these are the books that are ''worth'' publishing these days.


message 91: by Jenny (last edited Mar 30, 2019 07:05PM) (new)

Jenny Unfortunate that Maxim sounds like a twelve-year-old boy who's hormones kick into overdrive just seeing a girl. An aristocrat, presumably a sophisticated adult, going "Fuck a duck" in response? And let's not get into the overt attention to the girl with her hands on the broom handle or the lip licking. I'd hoped to see some growth following the Fifty Shades series, a shame that doesn't seem to be the case. Good luck.


message 92: by Brenda (new)

Brenda Nichols The closest thing to "fuck a duck" I ever heard was something my grandmother used to say. "Fuck a duck, screw a pigeon, go to heaven and get religion." I have no idea what that means no more than I have any idea what the drivel is I just read in the exerpt.

Makes me glad I never read 50 Shades, and even gladder I won't be reading this garbage. The only thing I came away with is that Maxim has a much control as a pre-pubescent boy, and the girl likes to stroke broom handles and has dry mouth.

Cringeworthy to say the least.


message 93: by Behrokh (new)

Behrokh oh god ! l want it ...


message 94: by Lizzie (new)

Lizzie Fuck a duck? Nah I think I'll give it a miss. There are proper books to be read like the beano annual put there!


message 95: by Linda (new)

Linda Hutchinson It’s cringe-worthy bad and I paid for this tome.


message 96: by Molly (new)

Molly Hahahahahaha wow this sounds even worse than 50 Shades which I didn’t think was possible. Fuck a duck? Really? 🙄🙄🙄


message 97: by DW4 (new)

DW4 I'm watching the film 'Enemy of the State' from 1998 and just heard a guy on there seeing on film someone being murdered saying 'fuck a duck'.


message 98: by Dora (new)

Dora Harvey DW4 wrote: "I'm watching the film 'Enemy of the State' from 1998 and just heard a guy on there seeing on film someone being murdered saying 'fuck a duck'."

😂😂


Melodious Midnight Melancholy「مروة」 WTF, who allowed this to get published ?!?!


message 100: by Scarlet (new)

Scarlet I won't lie, the moment "Fuck a duck" came up I wheezed--


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