Service Dates (or Yes, You Really Can Do That!)
Last year a friend and occasional play partner encouraged me (very strongly) to write an entry about how to get that service itch scratched when not in a relationship. I said I’d planned to, but not right now. Later. And later became months. But I’m reading a lot of posts these days where my answer to the question (and they’re different, but related, questions) would be exactly what I planned to write in the post he suggested. This post.
There seems to be a misconception that one must be in a committed relationship to provide service. That’s no more true than the idea that one needs to be in a committed relationship in order to be flogged. (I am not going to get into a discussion about how everyone gets to decide for themselves. Of course everyone does. But that doesn’t negate the reality that it’s possible to do these things outside the boundaries of a committed relationship. What you choose to do is, of course, your prerogative.) A service date is just like a regular play date, except instead of S&M or rope or whatever, the date is about service. This strikes a lot of people as an epiphany, that we can do this.
When I talk about service dates, I often get responses that include wide eyes and raised brows. Then, almost always, “How does that actually work?”
My response is usually, “Pretty much the same way as an S&M play date works.”
First, you have to find a compatible partner. And you do that the same way you find a compatible S&M partner. You figure out what you want to do. You don’t have to know exactly what you want, but you need to have an idea of what sorts of things you want to try. Then, you talk to people who intrigue you or with whom you have a good energy (or whatever your criteria is for wanting to spend time with someone). See if they have an interest in service. Just like other sorts of play, you figure out where your common interests are. If you’re not sure, that’s okay. You’ll work it out if you just keep talking.
There are lots of ways to have service dates. Some questions to consider:
Do you want your date to be public or private?
This is as important to decide as it is for a S&M date. Even though there’s likely to be no tying or beating (unless you both want there to be), safety is still important. If you’re going to be private, make sure you know the person well enough to trust him/her in private.
If private, will this include sexual service?
I know none of you assumed “service” meant blowjobs, right?
There seems to be a misconception that one must be in a committed relationship to provide service. That’s no more true than the idea that one needs to be in a committed relationship in order to be flogged. (I am not going to get into a discussion about how everyone gets to decide for themselves. Of course everyone does. But that doesn’t negate the reality that it’s possible to do these things outside the boundaries of a committed relationship. What you choose to do is, of course, your prerogative.) A service date is just like a regular play date, except instead of S&M or rope or whatever, the date is about service. This strikes a lot of people as an epiphany, that we can do this.
When I talk about service dates, I often get responses that include wide eyes and raised brows. Then, almost always, “How does that actually work?”
My response is usually, “Pretty much the same way as an S&M play date works.”
First, you have to find a compatible partner. And you do that the same way you find a compatible S&M partner. You figure out what you want to do. You don’t have to know exactly what you want, but you need to have an idea of what sorts of things you want to try. Then, you talk to people who intrigue you or with whom you have a good energy (or whatever your criteria is for wanting to spend time with someone). See if they have an interest in service. Just like other sorts of play, you figure out where your common interests are. If you’re not sure, that’s okay. You’ll work it out if you just keep talking.
There are lots of ways to have service dates. Some questions to consider:
Do you want your date to be public or private?
This is as important to decide as it is for a S&M date. Even though there’s likely to be no tying or beating (unless you both want there to be), safety is still important. If you’re going to be private, make sure you know the person well enough to trust him/her in private.
If private, will this include sexual service?
I know none of you assumed “service” meant blowjobs, right?
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