Oscars Viewing Guide

A thousand years ago, when I was young and carefree, I used to watch movies. Moving pictures, as we called them. It was a grand time, a glamorous time, a time when I could eat an entire bag of Cheetos and not feel anything but happiness. It was a time when I could sleep in until noon and not even have a fever. It was a time when I not only knew who was up for an Oscar but also had seen most if