Instead of donating cash, how about this?
Since we've started our young moms support group, I've been amazed by how many people have offered to help, and how many have donated time, baby goods and money. We couldn't do it without you. I have such faith in and respect for those kind people who are already involved with us.
Not everybody has time or money to give, I understand that.
There's something we need more, though. Something that no amount of free nappies will fix.
Some of our moms are educated, some are not. Some have stable families, some don't. Some live in safe environments, some don't. Some have enough food, some don't. Each one of them is different. But they all need the same ONE thing – which is why they've joined us. The donations are a bonus, an extra, not the main reason for being there.
So how can you help?
You can help by looking at the way you think about young or teenage mothers. Look at the assumptions you make about their abilities as parents, their reasons for becoming pregnant, their morality, even their worth as a human being. Listen to the way you speak of them, or hear others speak of them.
When you hear somebody making an unfounded, generalised and cruel comment about people they don't know and would never bother to get to know – what do you say to them? Do you nod and tut along with them? Do you ask them what they're basing their comments on, on how many people they know personally? Or are their opinions based on things "They say" or things "I've heard".
Why do we need a separate support group for younger moms? The truth is, we SHOULDN'T need it. A young parent who wants the best for their child should be able to expect the same support, the same RESPECT for doing the hardest job in the world, as ANY other mother would get.
But they don't get that. They get skew looks and assumptions and worst of all – PITY. They don't want your pity. Every upmarket glossy parenting magazine in every upmarket glossy paediatrician's office would have us stressed-out mommies reach out for support. When young moms are brave enough to try – whatever form that support may take – they'd appreciate it if you didn't look at them funny, call them girlie or interrogate their sexual history. When they ask a question about teething, give them an answer about teething, not a lecture about contraception.
When I started this group, I was touched by how many people offered help, and excited to receive it.
What I didn't realise, naively, I guess – is how much time I'd end up spending questioning the motives of the people offering help. It's bloody depressing. I knew I'd have to watch the intentions of the mothers joining – are they doing it for the right reasons? But wasn't expecting to have to ask the same questions of the donors.
People who share what they have are few and far between and I feel like a real bitch for even having to say this. But to protect my girls, and give them what they really need – self-worth as a parent – please make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons, and that you believe in what we're trying to do.
Please make sure you respect our moms as parents, as equals, before you click Donate.
That's what they need most of all, and that's what's going to make the longest-term difference to their lives.
Thank you once again to everybody who has – it's not our current donors and helpers that this is aimed at. Just for future reference.
