Play a Bigger Game

“I don’t know what it is about priestesses. You can always tell. Or at least I can…I knew a woman in authority when I saw one. Most women, now and then, concern themselves to some degree with pleasing men or people in general [or with trying to “be” someone or “do” something that will bring them fame, money, professional gain, social attention or spiritual recognition]. Priestesses don’t. They have bigger game. Their eyes show it.” -Elizabeth Cunningham’s vivacious novel, “The Passion of Mary Magdalen,” spoken by Magdalen.

Ladies,

we need to play a BIGGER GAME”

I found that above quote over on the amazing Sera Beaks blog. I’ve linked to the actual post.

Hmm. Clarity. So that’s why I haven’t…. why I’ve been stuck… caught up in the ambition and the dollar signs I want to see flashing because I am a big fucking kid who wants to travel the world, have fun shit to play with, and ultimately help others but especially financially. I also want to be on the cover of entertainment magazine. WHAT I JUST DO. I think about it all the time, the school to open to start properly educating children. The big business I want to run to show people that’s it not that fucking hard to run a business properly. The empty houses to buy to put homeless people in. Friends and families dreams to support, bills to pay so they ran run off and do their dream and not worry about the stupid stuff. If I could just finish the fucking book I could… go to the doctor. Get Angel the dog the medicine he needs to help alleviate his pain .

And then I read that stupid quote on that stupid website (It’s awesome I’m just bitter because I got told) and I’m like oh.

Because what I really want is to be of service. To spread the word. To show lookit, you don’t have to play in the stupid fucking system that is in no way setup to help you, you can do what these people are dong over here instead and this is how they did and no really it’s not that hard and…

But I’ve gotta do it first. See. And I’m not doing it.

But I really want to write. And play. And travel. Also learn things. I’m dying to really learn things. Like deep things and old wisdom and those kinds of things I’m not gonna find on the internet. Blarg. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted doing NOTHING. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck and trying to get unstuck which lead to that blog.

I have no idea if this will translate tomorrow. If I’ll actually be able to break up the circle I’m in. (I hate circles. Circles are stupid. They’re not stupid, but the one I’m stuck in, is deeply stupid)

But I do know one thing, I read that quote and I wanted to write. If I could just get the motivation to do that I’d be a happy camper. Fo’ sho’.

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