When do all those book promo superlatives turn you into an addict?

I enjoy reading through the ads and blurbs in the Baker&Talor book catalogue to find new titles for my TBR list and check in on what's happening in the world of copywriter superlatives.

As a reader, I need more an more superlatives every month because they are like cocaine. It used to be that the words "an enjoyable novel" got me to plunk down my money. Then, I became numb to that, and needed to see "a blazing and enjoyable novel." Soon, the word "novel" was forgotten altogether, and everything became "a read."

A gut-ripping read. A jaw-dropping read. A fast-paced read. A blood-curdling read.

In the February catalogue, there are enough superlatives in the full-paged ad for Delirious that I'm now delirious from the blurbs alone:

blistering
fast-paced
edge of sanity
mind-bending
great thriller
high-speed thrill ride
electrifying ride
non-stop suspense
fiendishly clever
techno savvy

If the novel delivers, then what? I'm going to be damaged goods until I can score a new book and that promises an even greater high. My mind will be bent as I try to cope with the withdrawal and the drain on my income and the inevitable fast-paced ride to the rehab center where I won't be allowd to escape until I can stand up in front of a group of people and admit that I was an addict out for a high-speed thrill ride.

Brothers and sisters, I will say meekly, one adjective leads to two, and two lead two four, and pretty soon you can't get enough no matter how fiendishly clever you think you are. Learn from those of us who have gone to Delirious and back and have lived to tell the tale. Think about your families and your self-esteem and what your brains look like when they're on adjectives.

Let us pray it's not too late.

Malcolm R. Campbell
Author of Soul-Strangling Hero's Journey Novels
Gardern of Heaven