Five Rules to Help Cope with Uncertainty

I’m pretty predictable. So you can imagine when I read research and write about the importance of novelty and uncertainty and transition how freaked out that makes me.

I have to PLAN to be spontaneous. But, because I have some unique qualities — notably, I am a human being — I get LOTS of practice dealing with change an uncertainty. And, going out on a limb here, but thinking if you are anything like me and also a human being, you probably have had your fair share of change too.

We lose 500 million skin cells ALONE each day?! I know! Right? Now before you start seeing yourself a puddle of cells dropping into the floor, remember we are also making billions of new cells. Every day. The body itself is always remaking itself, so it only makes sense that what we do and how we feel, and how we love and work and play and where would also change too, at least every once in awhile.

And, yet we don’t like this. We fret over this.

Trust in Your Ability

And I got to thinking about how my fretting does not actually work. I mean it doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t keep the change from coming and I wouldn’t want it to anyhow, because so many of those changes have been such GOOD THINGS — marriage and kids and books. And even the hard changes, the things that took some getting used to — the cancer and chronic illness, the losses, the financial ups and downs — have had some little rays of light mixed in there too and that the blessing with the bad stuff is that IT CHANGES TOO. Bad stuff changes. It doesn’t stay bad. Not always. And that bad stuff often leads to  good stuff.

So, there is no  need to worry about change, we only just need to trust in our ability to move with it. To just deal. And we can. We don’t even have to know how to do it. We just have to keep going. And sometimes going just looks like getting up. Or taking a shower. Asking for help. Nourishing our bodies with food and our souls with meditation. Most times though, the best way to deal with change and uncertainty is just to take the next best step. And, you’ll no what it is RIGHT BEFORE you make it.

But when I don’t have a clue what the heck I’m doing or how I will get through it, and I’m feeling sticky with fear, I do have a game plan. Some things that I hold tight too. Because I know for SURE, if they don’t make things better the WILL NOT make them worse. I write about them in  How to Live an Awesome Life . 

Five Tips to Deal with Uncertainty or at Least NOT Make it Worse

Excerpted:

If it doesn’t fit don’t force it. Sometimes even the things we think we want most of all, aren’t a good fit for our values, needs, health. Sometimes uncertainty along the path is there to show us that we need to change course.

 

Play nice with others. Your fears and funky mood don’t give you the right to treat others poorly. We need each other. Your success impacts my success. Your joys fuel mine. When you are facing change, you will be strengthened by the support, humor, kindness of others. Offer the same.

 

Do your best even if it’s crap. Sometimes it will be. Seriously. When you are doing something new, when you are moving through an uncertain time, you will be called on to do things and tap skills you aren’t all that familiar with – do your best anyhow. Don’t make excuses. Show up and give it your all. Sometimes even your best effort won’t be so hot. But you will learn and get better. It is so much easier to live with the crap when you know you gave it your all rather than being too scared to show up completely.

 

Be polite. Show respect to others, to the circumstances, to yourself by being a good sport, saying “Thank You,” looking others in the eye. Hold the door open. Not only does it make the day smoother when we look out for each other this way, it also fosters connection and love and cooperation and all that can yield the next bit of information you’ll need to deal with changing circumstances.

 

Do the right thing when no one is looking. If you do nothing else, do this. Don’t look for praise, or reward – this is about self-respect. About being true to yourself. Connecting to your essence. Do the right thing because you are higher energy and an authentic person of integrity. When the world is ever-changing and you feel afraid and slightly unhinged, the one thing you have, for sure, is you. And all that you are. You are an awesome force. You alone, can change the world. I’m not over-stating this. That is the fortitude of your authentic power, But to access it, to recognize all that, you’ve got to be true no matter who is in the room. It is the one thing you can count on. Don’t betray yourself.

Buddhists talk of Right Action. It is the Fourth Element on the Noble Eightfold Path to Enlightenment and it speaks to the ethical conduct of the followers.

I think of it as good behavior. Don’t hurt others. Don’t take from others. Don’t abuse or physically harm yourself or others. Do not abuse drugs or alcohol, “or other sensual pleasures.” Don’t sleep with another’s partner. Don’t be stupid – okay so the Buddhists don’t actually say that last one, but I think it applies. Live with compassion and these tips will support you no matter the uncertainties you face.