Here’s an unsolicited piece of advice:If you’re going to jump in...

Here’s an unsolicited piece of advice:

If you’re going to jump in and do the whole Tooth Fairy thing with your kids, don’t forget to do the whole Tooth Fairy thing with your kids.

Because if you fall asleep before doing the whole Tooth Fairy thing with your kids rather than, say, falling asleep at 11pm and neglecting to put money under your kid’s pillow, you’ll be awakened the next morning by a sobbing child who feels like the Tooth Fairy skipped him for some reason.

Related:

I feel like an asshole.

Our solution:

I “emailed” the Tooth Fairy to ask why the living fuck she (or he, we don’t judge) skipped our goddamn house. And in the meantime, I bought my son’s tooth from him.

So, now I own a tooth and need to come up with a believable explanation for the omission. I’m tangled in a web of LIES!

Side note:

Don’t send me messages about how we shouldn’t make our kids believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa and all of that. Childhood is the only time in a person’s life when they truly believe in magic. I want to encourage that because, if you’re like me and believe hard enough, it has a positive effect even after that person learns that his dad’s bank account ticked 25¢ lower for every tooth they lost.

It’ll make them believe that anything is possible.

Most forget that. I haven’t. And my kids won’t either.