The Bride on the Inside – Kim Newman

My guest blogger today is my friend Kim Newman. This message was originally shared on Facebook here.

Last night I had repetitive dreams that I was marrying my Husband again, so I took note. Sometimes during dreams, you just become “aware” to pay attention.

I was excited and in a beautiful wedding gown anticipating the special day ahead. I was so happy! I decided to get freshened up a bit more before the nuptials, and thought maybe I would even try on another gown, in case there was one prettier. (Though this was not a thought previously until I started to dwell on it). At that moment, Husband walked out of the brides room where I was about to enter.

I screamed “Look away!!” “You can’t see me!!” And he covered his face??

I was rather impressed that he heed my warning immediately as he is not in the habit of complying so readily in real life to my “suggestions”. Okay. “Commands”.

I walked into the dressing room, but quickly became discontent and started to mess with my hair and veil. But it only made things get worse not better. In fact, my vision started to become blurry and I couldnt see my reflection clearly. It was muddled and hazy. Like a cameras lens that is out of focus. I started to feel panicked!

Isn’t it just like a girl to not leave well enough alone, and insist that the more fussing the better? Ug! But Husband was on the other side of the door, knowing my self sabatoge and scrutiny was taking place. He kept saying “Please don’t do this! Don’t touch a thing! You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Ahhh. God bless the lil’ liar.❤

But I ignore that voice, and I keep trying. I had already convinced myself I was no longer good enough. Ready enough. Or worthy enough. Though the truth is, Husband ALREADY found me worthy to be loved before he ever saw me in my gown at all. He ALREADY loved me just the way I was. But to me, that was only believable BEFORE I looked in the mirror in search of perfection and in search of FINDING every flaw. Whether real or imagined. I looked to the outer. Equating my inner being as worthy only if my outer appeared acceptable.

Backwards.

And then in my dream, I had an “Ah Ha!” moment. I remembered that Husband ALREADY loved me. That He STILL chose me to be His bride. That I was worthy, regardless of my skewed reflection in the mirror.

So I began to take off piece by piece of the outer accessories. I removed the “veil” that covered the true me and hid my face. I removed the bling, that I had thought was where my true sparkle came from, seeing instead it seemed to only compete for the eyes attention and not the hearts. And as I began to strip down each of these outer things, my reflection in the mirrors haze, began to become clearer and clearer. Back into focus. And strangely enough, more vibrant than before, when hiding underneath all the layers.

And there I was. Standing before myself, completely stripped of these layers, except for the simple white wedding dress that accentuated, and not distracted. No jewelry. No shoes. No accessories. No fancy headpiece or perfectly coiffed hair. It was just me. Hair down. Jewels stripped. Unpainted face. A blank white canvas. The kind you see right before the Artist begins painting its story.

And I didn’t care. So I smiled at my reflection. I was a bride ready to be with her bridegroom. And I was worthy. A clean slate. Trusting the Master Artist for the strokes that would bring the true beauty and scene of my life to the canvas. All I needed to keep my eyes on, was not myself. But the Love that was on the other side of the door, waiting for me to join Him.

Just as I am.

And there’s just something to that, I know. ❤

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“For YOU, O God, created my inmost being; YOU knit me together in the womb. I praise You because I AM, fearfully and wonderfully made! Your works are wonderful, I KNOW that full well. I was never hidden from you when I was made in that secret place. When You wove me together, Your eyes already saw me! ALL the days You ordained for me, were written in Your book, BEFORE even one came to be! How precious to me are YOUR thoughts! YOUR purpose! YOUR plans for my life. And YOUR beauty You paint on the canvas within it. I am My Beloveds. And My Beloved is mine. And that is everything.”

(Psalm 139 paraphrased)

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