Else I thump you!

This requires a certain amount of backstory.

We have an orchard, divided by a thorn hedge. There is a small orchard, directly outside the back door, and a large orchard, which leads onto the fields. The natural tendency of Dog is to head wildly off into the large orchard, and thence into the fields, to be seen some considerable time later after a lot of shouting, running about, and the enlistment of several people in a search party.

This can be obviated by shouting at Dog (collective) in a mantra devised over many years by Trevor, which goes: "WEEWEE ONLY!!! ELSE I THUMP YOU!" (God knows what the neighbours think - probably that he's talking to me). This means that Dog will go into the small orchard, pee, and come back, because the result will be a biscuit.

We have got this to a point with Lily and Cass where it works, but it also works with Sid, who will come and sit at the back door (not go out, mind you), wait until the dogs come back in, and then collect a biscuit. Sid is not stupid, but I'm beginning to think that I am.