Huck Finn, Buffy Summers, and Why American Mothers will Never be Chinese
For a while there, I couldn't buy a latte without some local mom bringing up that effin "Tiger Mother" article. It was everywhere. "What an interesting viewpoint!" people exclaimed.
To which I replied, "Excuse me, I'd like to place my order and you're in my way."
The husband and I even began a Tiger-Mom drinking game, because the only way I could handle hearing that tripe again was to be good and wasted.
So, I'm going to drop some science here, step out on a limb, and state for the record: Americans are not Chinese.
Shocking, I know! Completely counter-intuitive! You mean to say American's raise their children the way they do because they have distinctly American values? That US habits of child-rearing actually mirror our deepest beliefs about ourselves, growing up, and what matters in life?
Yes. Yes, that is what I'm saying.
Americans parent American-ly on purpose, and we're not going to change no matter what happens with test scores, the economy, or the rest of the world. I'd really like it if educators, commentators, and politicians would give it a rest. We're not going to become Chinese, at least not any time soon.
Certain beliefs are central to what it means to be an American. These are:
1. Rugged individualism (As opposed to doing what you're told.)
2. A personal value system that dictates right from wrong. (As opposed to a collective system based on shame and what is expected by society.)
3. Learning by direct interaction with the world. (As opposed to studying the world in books and other intermediate forms.)
These values can be found in every American hero and heroine. Huck Finn resisted the efforts of Widow Douglas to "sivilize" him, and later ran away from an abusive father. Only by traveling down the Mississippi and making his own way, did he learn what Americans think of as "real" knowledge. Luke Skywalker disobeyed Uncle Owen to take the droids to Obi Wan Kenobi. And yes, he paid the price, but ultimately he found his "calling."
The great Buffy Summers fought her mom, her school, her teachers, and still saved the world. Several times. While watching a first season episode recently I came across this exchange.
The Master: But you must die. It is written!
Buffy: Don't you know? I failed the written.
That scene crystallized heroism in America. It summed up our values and beliefs in one simple sentence. "I failed the written." Buffy neither knows nor cares about what she is supposed to do, she obeys her own heart and mind, and f*ck any tradition that stands in her way.
Back in High School, a Japanese friend of mine once freaked out at me for putting rice in a soup bowl. Doing so blew his mind, it was so rebellious and wrong. Compare his reaction to an extremely common American plot device, the hero who doesn't know which fork to use. Seriously, in America it's considered posh, or unnecessarily effete, to know the difference between a dinner fork and a salad fork AT AN AMERICAN RESTAURANT!
So why, I ask you? Why, why why would I raise my kids to be, above all else, obedient? Why would I think it's an important life skill to be able to solve 2000 algebra problems per night or play the violin? Our only violin-playing cultural icon is Johnny from "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." And like most American stories, that song heaps praise on the hero who takes risks.
Heck, even Mulan was a rebel!
The American view of true learning can be summed up in two words: Road Trip. Despite all our middle class piddling on about test scores and achievement, soccer practices and college prep, practically every kid in the US reaches a certain age and takes off driving (or bussing, or hitchhiking) from one end of the country to the other. Why? Because our children know what we've forgotten– that first hand knowledge and ballsy adventure is what will mold them into an American adult.
When their car breaks down and they're trapped in a snowstorm with nothing but a pack of gum and their wits? They won't be learning the Chinese lesson of "I should have stayed home and did what my mother told me", they'll dig themselves out and dust themselves off, and figure sh*t out on their own.
In other words, they'll do exactly what their American parents want.
