The Fiver | Football’s grave-faced clairvoyant of impending doom

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Richard Scudamore, the executive chairman of the Premier League, is a big fan of China. A couple of years ago, in a series of leaked emails that came heroically close to covering the entire spectrum of -isms, he theorised that China had found a cure for the opposite $ex. “You will learn over time that female irrationality increases exponentially depending on how many members join your family,” began the father of five. “That should keep you within the Chinese government’s one child per family enforcement rules. Very clever those Chinese.”

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