Reflecting On My 2015

a latched steamer trunk representing the troubles of 2015 and the stored-up potential of 2016I don’t really get publishing “year end review” articles and posts in December. What if you publish, and then something huge happens to you in the days and weeks remaining in the year? You’re going to look pretty silly. Also, isn’t it important to have a little buffer time between the end of the thing, and writing about the thing? Perspective is important, right?


That’s why I’ve waited until January, 2016, came and went to write about my 2015, and preserve a few thoughts about the next eleven months.


2015 Was (Ahem) Not What I Expected

I wrote that header because I have just enough restraint to not write “2015 Sucked Wet Ass” in thirty point type.


But, yep, that’s how it was.


January and February weren’t bad, although they, on balance, weren’t great. Those first two months carried a heaviness, like the tense weight in the air before a storm that’s so often and so incorrectly called “the calm.” March through… hm, let’s say through September… sucked really, really hard. Springtime, in particular (to the point where I now, in a kind of shorthand, refer to it as The Springtime of Suck). October and November had their ups and their downs. December, especially toward the end, there, was pretty decent, and even, I’ll say, served, in a way, to redeem the eleven fucked up months that preceded it.


I had intended for 2015 to be “a production year.” I was poised to create a lot of new, shippable, sellable creative work: short stories, music, audiobooks, non-fiction, and maybe even a novel. I was in a good position to dedicate considerable time to moving my income sources away from time-for-money and toward more passive (and reliable) models. I was committed to working harder on reserving quality time for myself and my significant other. It was going to be a year for turning corners and cresting hills.


In March, the relationship I’d been in since August of 2010 ended. We’d been living together in her house for the last three years, and the inconsistent fortunes of my freelance career made it financially impossible for me to move until the end of June. In fact, if not for the generous support of a wonderful contingent of my community of friends and fans, I don’t know how I would have done it then.


Gotta tell you… 2015 was one of the most difficult years of my life. I used to say I considered it one of the worst, but that’s not accurate.


The broken heart; the need to relocate; rebuilding my life; seeing my local social circle drift away; terrible anxiety (including four full-on anxiety attacks, the first of my life); depression; despair… it took a toll. But there were lessons to learn and knowledge to glean, and I soaked it up. I came out of the Springtime of Suck, and the Summer, and the Fall… changed.


I Still Shipped

2015, I mentioned, was supposed to be a production year. In the Springtime of Suck, I felt not a little bitterness at the idea that goal had been derailed.


Sure, I didn’t finish the stuff I thought I’d finish. There’s a short story I started in January that’s still waiting to be finished. Another begun in August I’m chipping at. No novel. No new serial installments. No non-fiction work.


All the same, I managed–both despite, and thanks to, the crappy circumstances of the year–to ship the following:



Cloak (short story audiobook)
Test Pressing (full length music album)
Paint the Air (original song)
Darlin’ (original song)
Four Stories (short stories and essays collection audiobook)
Twenty Four Moons (original song)
Gnatcatcher (original song)
Hundred Seller / Background Music (bundle of two full length music albums)
281 (original song)
Less I’m Fine (original song)
Twenty one episodes of The DIY Endeavors Podcast

Y’know, I might not have produced what I expected to produce… or what my community expected me to produce… but damn it, I made things in 2015, and I put that stuff into the world at an average rate of one thing approximately every twelve days.


I’ll take it.


Looking Ahead

As a began to write this section of the post, I stopped and looked at my “looking ahead at 2015” post to get some perspective.  There were many things I planned, many goals I set. Most of them were not achieved, as I mentioned.


I’ll tell you what I did achieve in 2015. It’s something that will inform and influence the coming year.


I refined what it means to be me.


Exploring that is a big reason I’ve begun I Know THIS Much, my new podcast and video blog (Seriously, what are people calling them these days? Vlogs? I wanna know.) My Patreon patrons have already received “episode zero;” the rest of you will get to see and hear it the same week this post goes live. If you want to be notified, be sure you’re part of my mailing list community (I’ll send you a sampler of my fiction and non-fiction when you subscribe!).


It’s tempting to expand on this as I type right now… but let’s leave it there. Let’s figure it out together, through I Know THIS Much.


So. Rather than write up a bucket list of specific goals and targets for 2016, I’d rather write this:


In the coming eleven months, I will continue to grow and learn and push and thrive. I will pay special attention to the parts of my life that I tend to allow to grow stagnant or fallow. I will make more with less. I will gather experiences and shed possessions. I will make things, oh, yes: music and stories and books and other stuff I can’t even describe because it’s either unknown or just barely an idea at this point.


I’ll continue to exercise empathy, and practice vulnerability.


In 2015, I paid a big price for a valuable lesson. In 2016, as all the usual scrambling for money, mining time for creative pursuits, and all the rest of that day-to-day stuff goes on, I’m going to stay focused on executing on what I’ve learned, and learning more, and more.


I’m awake.


One More Thing

Before I kick off 2016 for reals and for true by closing out the blog post, I want to say “thank you” to my patrons, whose generous and consistent pledges in support of my creative endeavors brought me over one hundred and sixty percent more income than sales of my books.


I am excited to find new ways to reward my patrons in 2016, including, if a modest goal can be met, new serial fiction. If you’d like to be part of that (and how amazing you are if you do!) please visit my Patreon page to learn more.


We’re gonna have a good year. Yes we are.


 


The post Reflecting On My 2015 appeared first on Matthew Wayne Selznick.




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Published on February 02, 2016 00:55
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