The joy of biff: The Rizwan Cheema story

I know little about Rizwan Cheema, and I like it that way. When he almost got picked in the IPL three, I mentioned him, and when I look at a Canadian scorecard I now look for his name first, even before John Davison.

For all I know Cheema was reared by cavemen in the Canadian rockies who had carvings of Shahid Afridi and Inzi on their walls, fed him uncooked moose meat, and beat him everytime he played straight.

If that is true, it would be cool, it's far more likely that he is from a Pakistani family who emigrated to Canadia and played a bunch of club cricket where he slogged across the line because it was Canadian Club (they should be the sponsor) Cricket.

His origin story is not that important, what is important is that by definition he is a dirty slogger.

His natural shot is over straight midwicket, dirty, slutty, disguting, slappy, assy slogging.

It's almost perfect.

Just someone humping the ball as hard as he can, body in the wrong position, head in the sky and mind on sixes.

Slogging is not ugly, it's desperation and masculinity.

Cheema is the perfect representation of this.

When Cheema plays a straight drive it feels wrong, like a big hitting boxer who jabs too much.

I don't want to know about him, I just wanna see him slog.

Big ugly beautiful hits across the line, that's all I want from him.

When I'm watching a boring game, I want him to come in, no matter what the side is, just for him to hump across the line and liven up my life.

International cricket and humanity as a whole needs more slog, more club cricketers who hit the ball hard without really trying to look correct.

Cheema's slogs may look like anyone could play them, but when he does he could feed the poor, cure aids and hit sixes of medium fast bowlers.

How can that be ugly?

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