Lainey’s List Chapter 13

Nick

 

Got time in 45? Going for a run.

The text came in a little after 6:30 in the morning. Only one person who texts this early.

I’m up, I text back to my brother.

Nathan Jackson’s a Navy SEAL, possibly the only profession that is more interesting to football players than playing football. Guys in the locker room are endlessly curious about what he does.

Pundits and players like to call football a war on the field, but none of us players really know how we would react in situations like the ones my brother has been in. A lot of those situations have been bad, and he’s changed because of it. I remind myself of that every time I look at Charlotte’s hurt face.

When Charlie got sick when we were both fifteen, she decided she was going to get all her living done—just in case. She never said that sentiment out loud, but I knew she believed it. And Nate was number one on her bucket list. Good thing for her that he’d harbored feelings for her too.

At first, it was weird for me but near death experiences have a way of fixing your perspective. If Nate was what Charlie wanted, then good for them. While my brother and best friend were consoling each other in ways that were probably too adult for them, I was finding comfort in one willing girl after another.

When Charlotte was fighting cancer and winning my brother, I figured their thing was the embodiment of that dreamy ideal poets write about and my English Lit teacher forced us to read. But in the end, we all learned that tragedy is more real, more believable. The rest of it is just fantasy fiction.

Nate’s fear drove him away. He went out to save the world in order to avoid facing the one person whose survival was the most important to him. I still love the man. He’s still my idolized older brother, but all my feelings for him are tinged with a bitter acid. As one year bleeds into the next and Charlie’s spirit grows dimmer and dimmer, there’s a part of me that resents him. And, frankly, her. If they’d fix everything between them, we’d all be a family again.

Instead, they pretend they don’t want each other; even though the mere mention of a man in Charlie’s life makes Nate crazy, and the idea of a woman in Nate’s bed sends Charlie into a weeklong depression. Whatever they feel for each, I don’t really want.

But I’m not cut out for a constantly revolving bedroom door. I’m the starting quarterback now. I have to be responsible. I’ve got to lead this team of alpha males who make more money than half the population put together. They’re all hard-headed with huge egos, even the quiet ones.

The most centered guys in the locker room are the ones with long-time girlfriends or wives. I need that in my life—not this whacked out thing I’ve got going on with Lainey. I need a solid woman in my corner, someone who’ll be there for me every night when I get home instead of someone who’s running off at the first sign of—

Ring! Ring!

Oh thank Christ. My life was turning into a Dr. Phil episode in my head. I roll over in my bed and pick up the phone.

“You just get in?” I ask. The sun’s not even up in San Diego right now.

“About four hours ago,” he admits. Fuck, it’s good to hear his voice.

“I’d be sleeping for a week if I just got in after a six week vacation like yours.” I kick the covers off and scratch my stomach. I didn’t realize how tense I was. But that’s how the entire family is for weeks at a time when he drops all communication because he’s on a mission.

He grunts. “I slept on the ‘copter ride in.”

Nate says one of the skills he learned is to sleep on command, but I doubt you get any real rest in a noisy helicopter. I’ve been in one of those transport birds and it doesn’t even have a real seat.

“That’s a solid five minutes you got in then?”

There’s a strangled sound on the other end of the line that sounds suspiciously like a laugh.  “Yeah, a whole five minutes. I’ll sleep later today. I wanted to check in and see how training camp’s going. You excited this year?”

“Was excited last year. Now I’m a mix of fear and adrenaline.”

“That shit keeps you alive. I saw on your schedule that you play San Diego in October. The family coming in for that?”

Meaning, is Charlotte coming? “Probably the parents. Charlie’s business is keeping her busy.”

“Yeah?”

He wants me to fill in the blanks. Stupid bastard. If he’d just pull his head out of his ass…

“Yeah.” I change the subject because I’m tired of serving as Nate’s intermediary. He’s a grown-ass man and can talk to her if he wants. “I’m assuming you’re not injured.”

“No, not a scratch on me. And you?”

“Completely and disgustingly healthy. Did I tell you Hart retired?”

“Didn’t want to play backup, huh?”

“Guess that’s right. They told him he could return as a backup or they could trade him. He didn’t like either of those options. I went to the front office and asked if he could be my coach.” Chip Hart was the quarterback for the Mavericks for five years. He never had better than a 9 and 7 record. When he got injured, I stepped in and led us to the playoffs. We lost in the first round, but it was the first taste of post-season play the Mavericks had had in three decades. Chip was out, and I was in.

He’s been stinking good about it, though, trying to help me. When no good offers came through, he asked if I’d put in a good word for him, so I did.

“He’s a good guy then?”

I laugh. Chip’s an asshole, but then, so is everyone in the locker room, including me, to some extent. “He’s a smart quarterback, and I think I can learn a lot from him.”

“I’m reading that you have a good chance this year to make the playoffs.”

“I’ll be happy if we end up eight and eight.”

“No, you won’t.”

I pause a beat and then agree because if I can’t get this team into the playoffs again, I don’t deserve to be behind center. “You’re right. I want to win it all.”

I want to have it all. The SuperBowl, the smiling wife, and the dark-haired little snots that will grow up loving football like me.

And I’m going to have it all, too. Just have to figure out how.

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