Just Follow Your Dreams? – Dialectic Two-Step

Question:   Is ‘being yourself’, ‘living the life you want to live’ and ‘following your dreams’ really the answer to all problems? Why do people think so? Has this ever worked out for anyone?

Response: All of this so called advice sounds like a reaction to being exasperated by life’s expectations.   I see it from a few different angles.   The first is through the lens of my family.  My mother frequently gives advice like this.  It has a fatalistic ring to it. Something along the lines of – screw what other people think, if you don’t play the game, you can’t lose.

Another, less defeatist, way of looking at this counsel is that we should acknowledge our own needs, wants, and desires in life.  I can agree with that.

I think what’s missing in these affirmations is the context.   We don’t live in a vacuum.  In the game of life, there is always a partner.  It can be another person, our circumstances, or even our career.  We also have to acknowledge that we have minimal control over most of the variables in our lives.  Making life choices doesn’t make them happen. Choosing wealth, a supportive network of people, or the conditions necessary to fulfill your dreams isn’t even half the battle.

How do the people who are living the dream get there? Because there were causes and conditions in place for them to happen. Did they do it themselves?  Just ask any successful person how they got there.  They will inevitably acknowledge the help they received and the luck they had.  Yes, they did their part, but it’s also true that they were dependent on circumstances and on others for their success.

Does this advice work for everyone?  It depends. It depends on your dreams, your circumstances, and your willingness to work hard.  If your dream is to be content with what you have, things are looking good.   If your dream is to be President of the United States of America, go for it, but you should be prepared for disappointment.

This is the context that is so important when taking in this advice.  We play in the world that delivers what it delivers.  Things don’t work out like we expect – a lot.  If your dreams are out of synch with reality, you’re going to be continually disappointed. If being yourself includes being selfish, disagreeable, or entitled, you’d better be prepared for the consequences. If living the life you want to live involves not wearing clothes, well you’re going to need a pretty good plan.

I tend to let this kind of advice go.  You can never be free of the circumstances that the world throws at you.  You have to be able to let go of the exasperation and roll with the punches, because you can’t let go of the world.

Dialectic Two-Step  is an ongoing series of my thoughts on questions that come my way.

Wisdom lies neither in fixity nor in change, but in the dialectic between the two. - Octavio

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