Dear David: Paranormal Advice from Vampire David Hilliard

Dear David,

I'm going out with this guy who is always nibbling on my neck.   He also never stays for breakfast.  I have his cell phone number, but he never returns my calls until after dark.  We never eat in Italian restaurants or have pizza, because he doesn't like them.  I'm getting suspicious.  Do you think he's a vampire?

Suspicious Sally

Dear Suspicious Sally,

You have every right to be suspicious.   I wouldn't press him for too much.  He may or may not be a vampire.  What you describe fits various occupations, including covert operators.  There are also some humans who are allergic to garlic.  What you have to decide is whether you want to continue a relationship with a man who has so many secrets.  Are you happy with this man?  I think your answer lies there.

Good luck.

David.

Dear David,

How do you get rid of pixies in your garden?  I noticed that some of my leaves have tiny bite marks.  What should I do?"

Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

I checked with the Supernatural Congress on this.   Lucky you.  Enjoy your pixies.  They bring good fortune. 

David

Dear David,

My boyfriend broke up with me, and now I have the post Valentine blues.  What should I do?"

Tearful

Dear Tearful,

Go out and buy yourself something frilly.  Take a bubble bath.  Then go clubbing with some friends.  You need to realize that love is like a bull and you have to take it by the horns.  Have fun.  

David

If you have a question you've been dying to ask, email me at onlyladyknight@yahoo.com  and put Dear David in the subject line.

–David Hilliard

–Susan Hanniford Crowley

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