I am content to lie around idly in these pajamas for the rest of my life.

I am relaxing you see. A vacation of sorts.

Everybody wears pajamas around here, even the nurses. Well, the nurses have pajama-like uniforms, soft and comfortable and non-matching. As I type this, there is one over there in a red and white smock-like tee shirt-like loose-fitting cartoon-bear-covered top. She has on loose-fitting comfy sky blue pants, with well-worn comfy green tennis shoes. She is carrying a clipboard, the universal symbol of nurses around here.

I remember the nurses of old, wearing stiff Donald Trump white uniforms and pointy weird hats and white shoes and white hose.

White hose.

I am getting wood just thinking of them. Were I at home, I might dial up some nurse porn on the internet but, like I said yesterday, everything is blocked.

There is a porn for everything. Shit porn. Someone is shaking hands with Mr. Happy right now while watching shit porn.

It’s a hell of a world, ain’t it?

I would call my mom, tell her I’m in here, but she died from smoking. I don’t know my dad. I mean, I know who he is, where he is, broadly (the Pacific Northwest of the United States of America, Earth, Milky Way), but he’s like a distant second cousin to me. For a minute there about a decade ago he wanted to get close, start a relationship, but it was like some older man I didn’t know wanting to hang out with me out of the blue for no other reason than biology. He wanted to put me in his will, but he’s not rich, so why bother?

Sounds like paperwork to me.

You go through steps here. First, they watch you to make sure you’re not going to hurt yourself. Once they determine that, no, you’re not going to hurt yourself you are allowed a short little pencil and some notebook paper–but you can’t take it out of your room, lest you stab someone. Then they watch you to make sure you’re not going to hurt others. Once they determine that, no, you’re not going to hurt others, you are allowed to hang out with your fellow lunatics. There is an entire floor in this large building devoted to each step. It’s like an assembly line toward sanity.

The drugs are good. Beats the shit out of vodka anyway.

Until next time, America.