Pretty Normal

I am in what they call the Pretty Normal wing of this mental hospital, whose name is officially Regional West. This is as opposed to the Disturbed Wing, where people, I am told by my fellow inmates, masturbate openly and rub shit in their hair. If you stand at the end of the hall by the nurse’s desk, you can see down at the end a big metal beige door into and out of which come psychiatric nurses looking shaken.

In our wing, they smile as they give us our two plastic cups. One is a little cup of water, and one is even littler–a shot glass, really–of pills. Blue, green, and red rainbow pills.

Here in the Pretty Normal wing, we have access to the internet. There’s a line of ancient massive desktop computers, Gateways even, all along the dayroom wall, but most websites appear to be blocked. I can get into my gmail, but not my other email. Facebook is blocked pending doctor approval, which, being newly insane, I haven’t gotten yet. I’ve only had one session so far and it was largely introductory. Strangely, Tumblr isn’t blocked. It’s like they’re not aware of it. Hell, even my banking and investment accounts are blocked. Is oil still tanking? Please say yes. Before the Pepsi Incident I was snagging up distressed oil stocks like a goddamn vulture.

They give you a four-digit code to get on the internet and your time is limited, a half-hour. Really, that’s all we probably need don’t you think? My code is 1968, which is the same year Jumpin’ Jack Flash came out. Everything you do is tracked, the websites you visit and the ones you try to visit, so that dog porn site I tried logging into (I’m a member) is going to bite me in the ass, come the next counseling session.

Ha. I’m joking.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they had keystroke shit going on. They probably know what I’m typing right now. I’ll probably be the guy who gets Tumblr blocked at Regional West.

Although I made a few phone calls and the Pepsi Incident occured at a Facebook friend’s house, I would appreciate someone posting a link to this on my timeline. I wouldn’t want people to worry about me, especially since I don’t.

Hopefully, I will post again tomorrow morning.

Mike