The Value of Positive Self-Talk

As a writer, as someone who deals in words all day, every day, I’ve recently noticed how subtle changes in the way things are phrased made such a huge impact on how they come across. I know, I should have figured this out a long time ago. And I guess when it comes to writing things, I did. But I didn’t think about it in terms of the way I think and the way I talk to myself.

And woah does it make a difference. Because I realized that for the past few months, my self-talk/inner monologue/whatever you want to call it has sounded like a whiny little bitch. And the thing is, I’m not a whiny little bitch in real life.

I’ve started really examining the language I use when talking to myself. And it really is changing my outlook and perspective on the world and my place in it. Here’s what I’ve found.

Get Rid of “Just”

Just is the bane of my existence. It’s a weak word. It makes anything it’s attached to weak and/or whiny.

I just wish…

I just want…

If this would just happen…

If I could just do this…

Yeah…that’s so not me. So I’ve pretty much eliminated the word “just” from my internal monologue. I don’t say I “just want” something, because it sounds like I think it’s unlikely or impossible that it would actually happen. Instead, I say I want something. I say I wish something was so (more on wish in a minute).

I say “If this would happen, then that might be the result” or “If I could do this, then that would happen.” See: way less whiny and way more proactive.

For more on why “just” is such a toxic word in general, especially for women, check out what Ellen Leanse wrote about it over on Women2.0. I’ve done a lot to eliminate “just” from my daily vocabulary, but for some reason I kept it as part of my internal vocabulary.

Wish vs. Hope

This is another big one that can make you sound whiny and self-defeating without meaning to. Let me see if I can explain this one in a way that makes sense outside of my head.

When you say “I wish” about something that could already be true, or that is in progress but undecided as of right this moment, you’re basically saying that you don’t think it will actually happen. This is particularly true when it comes to things that involve other people or your own skill.

As an example:

“I wish I could win that screenwriting contest”

vs

“I hope I win that screenwriting contest”.

The first one sounds like I don’t think I can win. The second one sounds like I want to win and am open to it happening.

But there are times when “wish” is appropriate. “I wish I had finished that screenplay in time to enter that contest” makes total sense. It’s past-tense, so obviously “hope” is no longer appropriate.

Other times “wish” is appropriate is when it’s a total long-shot and something is really unlikely to happen. “I wish I had $10 million to make my feature” or “I wish I could get Johnny Depp to star in my movie for no pay”. I mean, I guess either of those things could happen, but they’re so unlikely at this point in time that “hope” doesn’t really apply. I could say “I hope I can raise $10 million so I can pay Johnny Depp to do a cameo in my movie” is slightly more realistic.

This all has to do with believing in yourself. Saying “I hope something happens” leaves open the possibility that it could, and also doesn’t preclude you from putting in the hard work required to even have a chance of making it happen. When you say “I wish something would happen” it’s like you want the universe to hand it to you, without requiring any work on your part.

Repetition

This is another habit that is tough to break. My inner monologue was so repetitive. Like, it was the same thing, day after day, with no change. And it sounded something like, “I just wish blah blah blah” — puke.

What I’ve noticed is that since I turned my self-talk more positive and less whiny, I’ve been more inclined to actually make a plan to make these things happen. So instead of “I just wish I could win a screenwriting contest” I think things like “I hope I win X screenwriting contest”. And then I do something radical: I go over my “finished” screenplays again, make tweaks if I feel any are necessary, and then enter those contests. Imagine that.

This whole proactive thing means I’m less likely to just keep repeating the same thoughts over and over and over again. I think things, and then I think about how to actually make them happen. I think about what steps I can take in the direction I want to go in.

 

As creatives, we have to be careful to protect ourselves from negative self-talk. It doesn’t matter what your creative discipline is, if you’re constantly berating yourself, you’re affecting your creativity and your results.

We hear enough criticism from the world, either directed at us or at art in general. We need to take better care of ourselves. We need to figure out how to keep ourselves motivated, accountable, and productive without belittling ourselves or our efforts.