What Might Have Been

He couldn’t stop himself from wondering what might have been if…--Paul Huljich, Betrayal of Love and Freedom

Last week I sent Paloma a postcard and wrote a little 'white lie'.  I told her that I went to see Joan Rivers with Violet Levi (instead of with Alan).  I guess I was feeling homophobic and had fear tendencies that she would disown me as a friend (like Kelly did when she read my diary from yesteryear).   The rest of the postcard was perfectly honest though.  I wrote:

Jan. 9, 1990
Dearest Paloma,
I got the fabulous bike shorts and cassettes yesterday!  Thanks so much. They fit great and I'm going to be eye-catching in them...believe me.  You're a sweetheart.  I love the tunes, too.

No, believe it or not, I haven't see the movie BLACK RAIN or WHEN HARRY MET SALLY yet.


I'm going to a small supper club tonight to see Joan Rivers.  It will be nice. I'm going with a gal I met named Violet Levi.   She's 36 and looks 26 but she is trouble.  I'm skeptical about her.   She's mysterious in a way.  I'll write again later.  Miss you.  My presents to you are coming by boat.
MJA
I found a great card of a stairwell that I decided to send to mom.   It reminded me of the foyer from the late 1960’s TV series DARK SHADOWS (a series I’ve loved since I was a kid). 
January 18, 1990Dear Mom, Remember this card?  I had it framed but I took it down and replaced it with a neat palm tree photo card that Dorothy Rua sent me.  By the way, Dorothy wrote me a few weeks ago and her husband was jealous of my writing to her because he told her that he wrote to me and told me to address my letters “MRS. DOROTHY RUA”…but he never sent me any such note (?).   Anyway, Dorothy didn’t talk to him for five days because of the fact that she believed him and was thinking I wasn’t writing to her anymore because of it.   Give me a break!  ME…affecting a marriage in Walnut Creek…...”Oh Brother!”This card reminds me of DARK SHADOWS.Here are some photos of my place.   Do you see the French Doors?   What a difference from those old sliding doors, right?   I showed them to my boss and she wants to move there and me move into her ‘rinky dinky’ house somewhere (Ha-ha).  I’m looking forward to my Newport Beach San Diego (La Jolla) weekend; however, come Monday it is “Laundry Night”.  I have to do laundry or go buy more socks and underwear (Ha-ha).I really miss you.  I can’t wait for you to come and we go to visit the set of BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL at CBS-TV City.  That will be fun.  I guess I’ll continue to call you to keep you informed.  I got the telephone number for that Travel Agency called CHEAP TICKETS already, so we will get a good deal for your flight.I just wrote to Jim and Christine and also to Grandma.   I sent Grandma a self-made postcard of Sophia Loren, Marlon Brando and Spencer Tracy.  
I called Christine Hicks and she thought I was mad at her because I hadn’t written lately.  I just ran out of postcard stamps.  Do you have any extra?Thanks again for doing the SEARS ‘refrigerator’ contract thing.  God Bless you for that.  Funds are tight...but I am managing okay.  I’m not starving at all.  Ha…Miss You, See You Soon,Love Always, MICHAEL
A couple of days later I received a handwritten letter on two pages of binder paper from Dustin Nipper.   Wow?  Does she still think of me?  I was flattered.  I sometimes wonder what may have happened had I remained in the Bay Area.   Who knows what might have been (with Dustin and/or Paloma for that matter) and what still ‘could be’.   Dustin  wrote: January 21, 1990Dear Michael,Well, I know that it is probably about time that I wrote, so here goes.  I guess I could say that I have been extremely busy and haven’t had the time to write and I suppose that would be partly true but it’s not a very good excuse for rudeness.   Besides that, I noticed that I wasn’t receiving any postcards anymore and I figured that you probably gave up on me.    So I’ll fill you in on the latest.I am no longer employed at EMPORIUM.  They laid off all of the Christmas staff (the day after Christmas).  Oh well, now I am working at MERLE NORMAN.  We do makeovers, sell make-up and skincare products.  It’s very close.  It’s in the mall.  It doesn’t pay as well as EMPORIUM but $5 per hour plus commission isn’t bad.  I’ve also begun driving again and I will hopefully get my license soon.  I really want to get a car.   I really like the new PROBE.  They’re about $13,000.  That’s really a big investment but if I ever win the LOTTO…yeah!  I guess I’ll keep dreaming. So, how is L.A.?  Are you making a lot of friends?  I hope so!   I know how difficult it is to meet people when you came from someplace else.  I’ve dated a few people these last few months but nothing serious.  I’m really trying to focus on more serious things.  Maybe that makes me dull?   Last week, I was terribly ill.  Now I’m super behind on everything.  In fact, I’m trying to write a stupid ENGLISH paper and I’m totally stumped.  I guess I’ll just try to do my best on it.  Anyhow, I have many things left to do for now.  I promise I’ll write you again.  Hopefully, you’ll write to me.Sincerely,DustinP.S. If anything in this letter is confusing it is because I’m about to fall asleep.  Sorry!
And finally, the Staff Clerk, Gloria Romero, sent me a short note card with a graphic of some green trees and pink hearts.   She wrote out some simple ‘small talk’.  I think she was just being kind enough to respond to a postcard that I had sent her.   She wrote the following, I guess it is the mere thought that counts.  I would have preferred some wisdom on living life but it’s just as well. 1-21-90Dearest Michael,Enclosed is a dinner invitation.  Just fill in the day and I’ll put together a nice dinner for you to enjoy.I will give you directions on how to get to my place later, ok?  It is easy.I do hope all is well with you.   Both George and I are fine.  It’s cold here though…some rain, too.  We are relaxing this Sunday, and so I thought I would write you.   I did some ironing which I find relaxing.   I’m getting things ready for the start of the work week.Have a nice week and I know you must be enjoying your new home in Southern California.  Take care.  Love, Your Friend, Gloria
“Use whatever knowledge you have but see its limitations.  Knowledge alone does not suffice; it has no heart.  No amount of knowledge will nourish or sustain your spirit; it can never bring you ultimate happiness or peace.  Life requires more than knowledge; it requires intense feeling and constant energy.  Life demands right action if knowledge is to come alive.”
–Dan Millman, WAY OF THE PEACEFUL WARRIOR