When the Crap Hits the Fan

You know the old saying, “Into every life a little rain must fall.” And yet when it rains we never seem prepared. And when it pours we feel like we’re drowning.

No one gets through life without having to deal with adversity. Some people watch as marriages disintegrate. Others have to deal with illness or disability. There are times when the economy is in tatters and everyone has to try and make do. And there are moments when you can’t imagine how things will ever be better.

We have a mantra in my house: Where you are today is not where you’re going to be tomorrow. Life is a cycle. Things go up; things go down. And if you’ve been hurt, if you’re worried, if you’re frightened, know that tomorrow brings the opportunity for things to change. Nothing is forever – not the good, not the bad – so hang on to your sense of humour and be ready to wait out whatever shite you’re dealing with.

Waiting it out doesn’t mean being stagnant. If you’re in a horrible relationship, waiting it out means being prepared to feel sad, disappointed, angry and taking steps to change your life. And then being patient as you move forward to your next chapter. Have some gumption: Push yourself to make the changes that are necessary to deal with the crap and make your life better.

Your steps don’t have to be huge. If your problem is a big one, trying to wrap your head around the whole thing all at once can feel like carrying a hippo up a mountain. Instead look at the pieces of the problem and make small fixes as you can. You are resourceful. You are capable. You are as strong as you tell yourself you are.

When my last marriage disintegrated, I was in the middle of making a season of TV. I had two children to worry about and a relationship so toxic I would cry in my hotel room while I was on the road two days a week. (My poor make-up artist, Tash, worked miracles.) I was working a full time job, schlepping my kids to school 40 kms away three days a week, and packing to move. I’d go to sleep at 9 or 10 and get up at 2 a.m. to pack for two or three hours. Work in my home office until the kids got up, make them breakfast and take them to school. Come back to my office and work until it was time to grab them from school, help with homework, and make dinner. I’d fall into bed exhausted and then do it all again. I did this for 30 days until I moved. (I never lost an ounce… so unfair!) I survived. I don’t know how, but I did. We all have depths of strength we must plumb from time to time. You have to dig down deep knowing that where you are now is not where you’re going to be… tomorrow or next week or next month or next year.

Of course, there are some things that are unfixable. How you choose to view your life will play a big part in whether you feel mired in muck or joyful about what you do have. Dealing with pain is hard. So is watching the people you love struggle. But if you let negativity inhabit you, it’ll all seem so much worse. While you may not feel positive when you wake, you can choose to be positive as you move through your day.

Look for small things that bring you pleasure. If you’re always looking at what’s wrong with your life, it’ll be pretty well impossible to see what is right. There’s beauty all around you. There’s pleasure to be taken from simple things like a cup of tea or the light shining through leaves. Say thank you and watch the things you can be grateful for move more and more into your spotlight.

If it seems that your life is always in the crapper, it may be that you have unrealistic expectations of what life should be like. There are folks who, no matter what they have, imagine that their lives should be better: bigger house, newer car, more free time. If you’re one, it’s no wonder you’re disappointed with your life. Time to change your expectations.